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Old 06-03-2019, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fjames87 View Post
Married 6 years. She cheated in 2017 cause she was miserable being with him (horrible husband/person per her words) she didn’t know how to get out and made the bad decisions. They divorced in beginning of 2018, started dating me at the end of that year.
So is your biggest worry that she will cheat on you?

Unfortunately there is no way to guarantee that won't happen. But I disagree with "once a cheater, always a cheater." Sometimes people do things when they are desperate that are quite out of character. And sometimes people who seemingly would "never do that" just snap one day and do something no one would have predicted.

I think that it would help you feel better about things if you talk more with her about her dating history before she was married to him.

All of this is VERY recent. Has she had any kind of counseling after her terrible marriage?
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Old 06-03-2019, 09:43 AM
 
3,592 posts, read 1,566,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fjames87 View Post
Been dating a girl for 6 months now and starting to really like her. She is divorced and came out of a bad marriage. However, it was not until recent where I found out that she cheated on her husband, multiple times and she was very honest with me about it. I really do respect her for opening up to me and I realize her past has nothing to do with me but I can’t help but question her infidelity and how to move forward from here. People change, grow and learn so I don’t want to let this bother me but it has to a certain extent. Any advice on how to approach this?

Are you two exclusive (verbally agreed on)? If not it doesn't matter.

If you are exclusive it matters. If it were me I'd ask her I'd like the permission to discuss this anytime I want with her. And she should say ok to that. If she says "well I already told so I don't want to discuss it again" would not be a good sign.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:02 PM
 
8 posts, read 5,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
Are you two exclusive (verbally agreed on)? If not it doesn't matter.

If you are exclusive it matters. If it were me I'd ask her I'd like the permission to discuss this anytime I want with her. And she should say ok to that. If she says "well I already told so I don't want to discuss it again" would not be a good sign.
Yep, exclusive. I have talked to her and obviously it makes her feel horrible having to bring up her past but I think talking about it and trying to understand it all will make me feel more comfortable.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Morrison, CO
34,179 posts, read 18,487,967 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fjames87 View Post
Yep, exclusive. I have talked to her and obviously it makes her feel horrible having to bring up her past but I think talking about it and trying to understand it all will make me feel more comfortable.
Past actions may, or may not predict future behavior. You never really know. If things get rough with you will she try to resolve the issue, or escape to another man?
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:09 PM
 
13,262 posts, read 7,980,529 times
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Here's my main concern...she blames her ex for her bad behavior. Granted...maybe he really WAS a horrible human. Or...that's the excuse she made for herself to justify the cheating. And, I suppose it would matter if she cheated with multiple people, or one person who was there for emotional support while going through a trying time.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Boulder, CO
2,066 posts, read 896,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigpaul View Post
once a cheat always a cheat.

This, so much.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:36 PM
 
8 posts, read 5,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pilot1 View Post
Past actions may, or may not predict future behavior. You never really know. If things get rough with you will she try to resolve the issue, or escape to another man?
My concern exactly...it’s like her MO from what she’s told me with past relationships.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fjames87 View Post
My concern exactly...it’s like her MO from what she’s told me with past relationships.
So she's done the same thing before? Is that what she told you?
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:44 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
8,920 posts, read 7,693,227 times
Reputation: 16655
I'd be weary of someone who has/had a cheating problem....but then again there is no guarantee that you won't get cheated on in any relationship. But I wouldn't knowingly put myself in that position if I had the info that someone has cheated a few times in the past.....up to you OP.
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Old 06-03-2019, 02:20 PM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,334,536 times
Reputation: 12295
I'm, fairly willing to look at circumstances when people cheat. They matter. Once, or maybe twice if someone is older. But at some point it ought to be thought a trait or a style of responding to stress in a relationship, and on that note, why multiple relationships where cheating might be somewhat understandable?

I'd at least have a heart to heart about your concern, which I think is legitimate.
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