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In today’s environment, some men think ALL women want to use them for their money (sometimes starting with dinner). Men have stopped opening their wallets, and the reason is understandable to an extent.
Some women think ALL men only want a one-night stand, and the reason is understandable as well.
As a woman, I ALWAYS take cash along with my credit card. I am always prepared to pay my way. I wouldn’t make the man feel uncomfortable nor would it bother me in anyway. And, with some women, by paying their way there is no pressure to “owe him any favors”.
In today’s environment, some men think ALL women want to use them for their money (sometimes starting with dinner). Men have stopped opening their wallets, and the reason is understandable to an extent.”.
I think some men play the victim too much about "gold diggers".
I think some men play the victim too much about "gold diggers".
I agree. Men can play the victim as well as all the women who claim men just want to have sex with them. Just pay for what you ordered as any grown up would do and men should also not expect a one night stand just because they spend time with someone. Men expecting sex is as bad as women expecting men to take care of their expenses.
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Originally Posted by DefiantNJ
Of course not. Even asking that question makes sexist, outdated assumptions about the role of a modern woman. "Sage 80" is only old-fashioned when it comes to men paying her expenses when dating.
That's the thing. Women expecting and demanding men to take initiative, to court and romance them, to take care of their expenses, etc. "Its not sexist. Its just a nice tradition. Its a man's role" but have a man expect women to cook and do house chores and all of a sudden that is such a sexist thing from the past that shouldn't be seen anymore.
I agree. Men can play the victim as well as all the women who claim men just want to have sex with them. Just pay for what you ordered as any grown up would do and men should also not expect a one night stand just because they spend time with someone. Men expecting sex is as bad as women expecting men to take care of their expenses..
Yes.
Men and women should pay equally on dates, and there should be no sex. That way nobody is getting "used" or exploited.
Men and women should pay equally on dates, and there should be no sex. That way nobody is getting "used" or exploited.
Unless the woman actually wants to have sex.
Some of us do, sometimes. Just saying.
I find it gross, the idea that sex is a thing the woman gives the man, like it couldn't be something she wants and/or enjoys herself. If sex from me is a gift, then sex from him should also be a gift. The only exchange needed is for both of us to try and give one another an enjoyable experience.
Just like stimulating conversation, there is not a giver and a receiver there, both should be enjoying it or why bother?
Unfortunately there are enough men in the world who either don't know how to give a woman a good experience, or can't be bothered, that men just using a woman's body for their own enjoyment without it being a case of reciprocal pleasure is all too common.
But I know a woman who has committed herself to enjoying sex "like a man." She tells me about a guy she's got a FB arrangement with, she refuses his efforts to build emotional connection, do things in public together, etc and only even likes him for the dimensions of his equipment and that he provided documentation of a vasectomy and a clean STI report, or so she tells me. She also says that when she has gotten her satisfaction, she goes to clean up and leaves him hangin' and if he hasn't finished that is not her problem.
It entertains her to be almost cruel to him, and I guess he must enjoy it or he would not keep coming back.
I find her stories amusing, but personally I'd prefer not to bother with another human being if all I needed was to scratch an itch in such a basic manner. Toys are safer and less trouble.
Its a man's role" but have a man expect women to cook and do house chores and all of a sudden that is such a sexist thing from the past that shouldn't be seen anymore.
I've found that a really nice gesture on the part of a woman for whom I've bought dinner (and appetizers, glasses of wine, and dessert) is a "cook date" where she whips up a nice meal at her home for me.
This is a fine way to contribute to the dating process, especially women who are low-earners, raising kids w/o child support from a dead-beat dad, or who really like to show off their culinary expertise.
Close second: woman brings a picnic basket to an outdoor date (park with tables, hike to a view, etc). Bonus points for Sangria (essentially a cheap bottle of wine, ginger ale, and mulled fruit).
Close third: woman prepared some ethnic food from her family recipes, parents and grandparents. Can combine with 1 and 2 above. I still remember an (Americanized) Muslim woman I dated that brought several different items for us, and a second coupe, to a free outdoor concert. I brought the camp chairs and wine.
Often better than a tiny, overpriced portion served by snooty wait-staff in a crowded restaurant.
But I know a woman who has committed herself to enjoying sex "like a man." She tells me about a guy she's got a FB arrangement with, she refuses his efforts to build emotional connection, do things in public together, etc and only even likes him for the dimensions of his equipment and that he provided documentation of a vasectomy and a clean STI report, or so she tells me. She also says that when she has gotten her satisfaction, she goes to clean up and leaves him hangin' and if he hasn't finished that is not her problem. .
That sounds pretty cold for the most part, but I don't blame her for asking for a clean STD report. There are people out there who knowingly pass on diseases. I had a friend who caught HPV from her boyfriend, an attractive, alpha male type attorney. He must have known he had it, because she said when they were having sex, she saw something on his privates that looked suspicious. Several years later, I saw that man in a restaurant on a date with a woman. (It seemed to be a date, possibly a first date, just from the conversation they were having; that's my best guess). I wanted to tell her something but knew I shouldn't, that it was none of my business. Anyway, the problem with HPV is that it can lead to various cancers. I don't blame someone for wanting to know. I personally never asked for medical documentation, but I can see why someone would ask.
That sounds pretty cold for the most part, but I don't blame her for asking for a clean STD report. There are people out there who knowingly pass on diseases. I had a friend who caught HPV from her boyfriend, an attractive, alpha male type attorney. He must have known he had it, because she said when they were having sex, she saw something on his privates that looked suspicious. Several years later, I saw that man in a restaurant on a date with a woman. (It seemed to be a date, possibly a first date, just from the conversation they were having; that's my best guess). I wanted to tell her something but knew I shouldn't, that it was none of my business. Anyway, the problem with HPV is that it can lead to various cancers. I don't blame someone for wanting to know. I personally never asked for medical documentation, but I can see why someone would ask.
I don't think it's much more cold than men doing the same thing to women. Which is something I've seen and heard for most of my life, and women being usually held to blame for "falling for it." *shrug*
At least she seems to be honest with him that she is not down to form a relationship, no matter what he thinks.
The whole sharing STI tests thing, is one of the reasons (among many) that I love my community, and in particular I'd say the poly people are really good about that. They have a partner at home to protect as well as themselves, so no test, no play. Books written by, or for, the "ethical non-monogamous" of which there are several, all say that if you aren't grown up enough to have a conversation and discuss testing and STI status, contraceptives and protection, you're not really grown up enough to be having sex.
But I'd say most of the guys I interacted with during my brief run of dating people in the general population, the "vanilla" (if you'll pardon me saying so) men from OK Cupid and so on...most of them were quite keen to jump right into the act, preferably without having this conversation at all. While I do have a negative status report I can share, it's rather bold of them to assume as much, particularly given that I've never been shy in revealing that I'm quite experienced...
The whole sharing STI tests thing, is one of the reasons (among many) that I love my community, and in particular I'd say the poly people are really good about that. They have a partner at home to protect as well as themselves, so no test, no play. Books written by, or for, the "ethical non-monogamous" of which there are several, all say that if you aren't grown up enough to have a conversation and discuss testing and STI status, contraceptives and protection, you're not really grown up enough to be having sex. ..
I also think if a man can't talk about and share disease status, they should at least use a condom every time. But I encountered men who thought birth control should be solely the woman's responsibility, that all women should take BC pills. Some men even get upset if the woman isn't on the pill. There have even been quite a few male CD posters who say BC is all the woman's responsibility and that they hate wearing condoms.
I also think if a man can't talk about and share disease status, they should at least use a condom every time. But I encountered men who thought birth control should be solely the woman's responsibility, that all women should take BC pills. Some men even get upset if the woman isn't on the pill. There have even been quite a few male CD posters who say BC is all the woman's responsibility and that they hate wearing condoms.
It's also become a "thing" with some men to begin intercourse with a condom on only to pull it off mid-coitus unbeknownst to the woman
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