1st Date: Women or Men pays for first date? (celebrate, perfect, people)
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There is a thing, where some women have some expectation (entitlement?) that a man is going to pay, they think it is just the way that a gentleman acts. Yes, that is a thing.
And it is not considered sexist but if a man thinks a lady is the one that should cook, do the laundry, clean the house, etc. then all of a sudden gender roles are sexist. Go figure.
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Hell sometimes they are "Love Language of Gifts" guys, and that's just how they show that they are into someone, and the refusal of a gift is not only rude it feels like a rejection of their gesture of affection. Some guys will get mad because it feels emasculating to have a woman pay when on a date (I had a Hispanic man about lose it, I thought he was going to hit me for even asking once. Ah yeah, Macho Culture thing. He actually asked, "You don't think I'm a man?")
Interesting thing is that there is not really anything that would “femasculate” a woman. Is there really something women feel the same pressure about to fulfill on a date or considered “less than a woman” to not do it? Something only women are expected to do just like men are expected to do the work when it comes to dating.
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It's all a minefield of weird assumptions and guessing games for all of us, here
Yes. This can vary from culture to culture too.
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So seriously, if I, a woman, have made every move to try and pay for my own dinner, and the guy is INSISTING on paying, then am I supposed to fight him over it or what? And, I mean, I can try to even the score by paying for something else later, but not if I have no intention of seeing him again. Then what? I can't personally help it, that this whole idea that some people have, of a man paying, is a THING. I didn't make it a thing. I don't work to keep it a thing. It's not MY thing!
I had a woman put her foot down on this issue but then again she was not American. She didn’t “try” to offer, she actually put her foot down in a nice lady way. Made total sense when she wrote on that note that she wanted to go out, had a great time, wanted to do it again, etc. and she felt it was the right thing to also show me her appreciation by contributing to expenses.
And it is not considered sexist but if a man thinks a lady is the one that should cook, do the laundry, clean the house, etc. then all of a sudden gender roles are sexist. Go figure.
Interesting thing is that there is not really anything that would “femasculate” a woman. Is there really something women feel the same pressure about to fulfill on a date or considered “less than a woman” to not do it? Something only women are expected to do just like men are expected to do the work when it comes to dating.
Yes. This can vary from culture to culture too.
I had a woman put her foot down on this issue but then again she was not American. She didn’t “try” to offer, she actually put her foot down in a nice lady way. Made total sense when she wrote on that note that she wanted to go out, had a great time, wanted to do it again, etc. and she felt it was the right thing to also show me her appreciation by contributing to expenses.
Regarding your first statement here...
The cost of a first date, compared to a lifetime of work? Those do not compare. But as it so happens, I frown upon the idea of a woman feeling entitled to men doing all the work in dating, paying for everything and so on. I don't appreciate these "we never talk about this but totally expect you to step up and do it" assumptions. I dislike many of the (what I consider to be) GAMES that people play in dating.
I'd say if a man wants a wife who will keep the home and raise the kids and such, then he should talk about that while dating rather than marrying a woman who has clearly said she wants a career, then trying to bully, coerce, or persuade her to change her mind. If it's a strong requirement, he needs to find someone who will agree to it. Nothing wrong with the role, it's not sexist, but having this ASSUMPTION that any man should pay for a date or any woman should enjoy cooking and cleaning, is what's sexist. The "there's only one correct way for a man/woman to behave" thing is sexist, and it's BS.
I don't dig it. It's not my thing.
But no, I am not going to "put my foot down" or argue about it either. As I've said, I come prepared to pay my way, a man doesn't need to say or do anything but keep his mouth shut, and it will happen.
Hell, the guy I was having a fling with for a while, I invited him to dinner at a very nice (and expensive) steak place and I told him it was my treat and I paid for both of us. I had a feeling things were winding down between us, and I was right, and I wanted to express my gratitude for the good times we'd had together. He had never bought my meal on any of our dates, but he'd cooked some amazing food for me at his home (he grew his own produce and even made cheese, and it was really good.)
I would love to have a poll, something to ask if someone is a man or a woman, and then what they are most comfortable with on a date - The man paying for all, the woman paying for all, or split/separate checks. Because I believe I encountered more men who insisted on paying, than a man is likely to encounter women who insist on them paying.
it might be a good idea to try another person if ideas about first dates are incompatible. sometimes this experience is just how to find that out. nothing lost but a lot of unnecessary stresses.
I find it perplexing that some people feel that asking someone out on a date is "a lot of work". They make it sound like making plans to spend a couple of hours with someone is on par with digging ditches in 100 degree weather. Initiating a dinner date or asking someone for coffee is so much WORK! LOL. Cry me a river.
I find it perplexing that some people feel that asking someone out on a date is "a lot of work". They make it sound like making plans to spend a couple of hours with someone is on par with digging ditches in 100 degree weather. Initiating a dinner date or asking someone for coffee is so much WORK! LOL. Cry me a river.
Do you never get anxious when you ask a man out on a first date, when you have some doubt he'll accept?
Do you never get anxious when you ask a man out on a first date, when you have some doubt he'll accept?
Anxious, of course, that is perfectly understandable. But after they say "yes" that anxiousness becomes excitement and anticipation.
I always look forward to spending time with the person I have asked to join me. If it felt like "work" I wouldn't have asked in the first place.
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