Girlfriend's way of doing things (guy, different, relations, dumped)

[PA2UK]

Originally Posted by BirdieBelle

I really want you to understand that this kind of dynamic really isn't sustainable long term.

Your personalities are completely different, and the way you have described her is not something she really can or will change.

I have personal experience with this. She certainly may agree to adapt for a short time, but she will revert after a while, and if you have children it will become completely intolerable. In fact, there is a very strong chance that she will treat you like a child over time and lose respect for you as a man over time.

I am not trying to be an alarmist or drum up the worst case scenario here. I'm sharing what my life experience has taught me … that people who think their way is the right way do NOT make good partners, and the way you have described yourself is a red flag for a life as a doormat.

Agreed. People who think their way is the only right way tend to not exactly be adaptable people who are open to change and improvement. Even if you think it's not the extent of abusiveness (though I think it is if you feel you're walking on eggshells around her), it's highly unlikely she will change. My grandfather, mother, and brother are all this way - my grandfather and mother are not to the extent of abusiveness, they never made me feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them, but they definitely can't even comprehend that other people do things differently sometimes. It's a nightmare to live with, even if it's not abusive, it will drive you nuts. My brother, however, is abusive and manipulative in this way, so please don't underestimate this possibility.

[E-Twist]

Chances are it will get worse over time. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Better to break things off now than proceed with the relationship and be picked apart on a daily basis.

[elyn02]

I don't put up with mean behavior the minute it happens. I point out the annoyance, that it is close to crossing boundaries which will result in a break up. You are not trying to annoy her on purpose so she needs to control her feelings and come up with a solution for them.

[metamorphosis]

Originally Posted by sprig78

But she is questioning whether she can deal with me not doing things her way and the future of our relationship. Thoughts?

The fact that BOTH of you are questioning the relationship, speaks volumes.

Generally speaking, when women start “thinking about it”, they are already emotionally gone.

[behindthescreen]

I am the same way to a point. If I see the other person is incompetent and cannot do the simplist things then I wonder if this is a person I can depend on to carry thier own weight. That is a deal breaker for me.

[funymann]

Insecurities.

She’s trying to control the things around her.

You have to nip that in the bud. It will get really bad if you don’t.

[ActionJaction]

Put her back on the market

[BobCaldwell]

Originally Posted by zentropa

Why do you put up with constant criticism from someone who is supposed to care for you?

Was your mother like this? Are you a people pleaser?

Probably. Sounds like he's the sort to dim his own light so as not to outshine his partner.

[TaoistDude]

Her behavior is a red flag, IMO. Get ready to run.

My response to such control would be: you can ask me to do something, but then you can't tell me how to do it. If you want to tell me how, I get to decide whether I'll even do it. Otherwise, do it yourself.

[sprig78]

and the end result of all this is,


We just broke up.


Oh well!