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It's very frustrating! I'll start saying something, and she won't let me finish before she breaks in with her thought. And it's not that I talk endlessly; it's that she's an impatient person and doesn't want to wait for me to finish my sentence. She's a much more extroverted, domineering personality than me anyway, so it's hard for me to regain my composure when this happens. Then she assumes I'm thinking something that I may or may not be because she didn't let me finish whatever it was that I was saying. I've already mentioned I don't like this in a nice way, but the behavior hasn't changed. I'm not sure what to do. I want to bring it up again, because the issue is deterring me from engaging her more, but I don't want to be rude about it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I still want to contribute to conversations fully. Suggestions?
It's very frustrating! I'll start saying something, and she won't let me finish before she breaks in with her thought. And it's not that I talk endlessly; it's that she's an impatient person and doesn't want to wait for me to finish my sentence. She's a much more extroverted, domineering personality than me anyway, so it's hard for me to regain my composure when this happens. Then she assumes I'm thinking something that I may or may not be because she didn't let me finish whatever it was that I was saying. I've already mentioned I don't like this in a nice way, but the behavior hasn't changed. I'm not sure what to do. I want to bring it up again, because the issue is deterring me from engaging her more, but I don't want to be rude about it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I still want to contribute to conversations fully. Suggestions?
Tough one.
What I've done in the past, when you've already talked to her about it, is just stop talking, shut my mouth and look at her while she says whatever she has to say that's so important. Then I give a delayed reaction to her comments, and then I would say very quietly, "You interrupted me again."
It'll take patience on your part, but hopefully she will be more mindful.
I had a colleague at my last job that would do this sort of thing all the time. This person was in a higher position than mine, so for years I've deferred to them whenever this happened. It happened most recently a couple of weeks ago. I'm in the middle of changing jobs, and suddenly, I was tired of it. In my mind I thought "I'm glad I'm leaving soon, so I won't have to put up with this crap anymore."
In that instant I still deferred in practice, I let them have the floor, but my body language suddenly got very hostile. I crossed my arms, frosted my gaze, pursed my lips, and stared without flinching or blinking. Suddenly, this person stopped what they were saying and said "Oh, sorry, I interrupted." I warmed immediately and finished the point I was making, and went on like nothing had happened.
I realized then that just because I'm changing jobs doesn't mean I'm done dealing with that kind of crap...the world is full of people who are in love with the sound of their own voice. I also learned that body language can be a powerful tool, if the other person reads the body language correctly, cares that they're stepping on toes, and decides to defer. (That's a lot of if's, though, I'm sure there are some people who will blithely run over you regardless of how you feel about it.)
It's very frustrating! I'll start saying something, and she won't let me finish before she breaks in with her thought. And it's not that I talk endlessly; it's that she's an impatient person and doesn't want to wait for me to finish my sentence. She's a much more extroverted, domineering personality than me anyway, so it's hard for me to regain my composure when this happens. Then she assumes I'm thinking something that I may or may not be because she didn't let me finish whatever it was that I was saying. I've already mentioned I don't like this in a nice way, but the behavior hasn't changed. I'm not sure what to do. I want to bring it up again, because the issue is deterring me from engaging her more, but I don't want to be rude about it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I still want to contribute to conversations fully. Suggestions?
I've mainly only encountered this type of thing, when the person I'm speaking to interrupts to jump ahead, and ask me how my story ended. I tell them, that if they'd let me finish instead of interrupting, they'd know the answer to their question already. All they accomplished, was delaying the delivery of the info they wanted.
With some people, this is a bad habit, so pointing out how dysfunctional it is doesn't change anything. Other people may get the message, and learn patience.
OP, you say you don't want to hurt her feelings, yet by not wanting to do that, you're allowing her to offend you habitually. Why do your feelings play second fiddle to hers? A partnership is a two-way street, right? A reciprocal deal? Do you two have a protocol for discussing relationship issues that come up? I'm thinking you should tell her that you have something you want to address, and ask her to sit down with you, and hear you out. Then tell her what you said in the bolded, especially the part about her habit deterring you from engaging with her. That's a big deal in a romantic partnership. You can deliver this matter-of-factly and thoughtfully.
You guys need a way to discuss stuff when it comes up. I know you know that, but you seem timid, here.
I am guilty of this! It is a hard habit to break. I am afraid if I do not say what I have to say in the moment, I will forget it. And I do. My brain just works very fast, and my memory can't keep up.
My ex dealt with this by simply talking on and on and on and never leaving a space for anyone to get a word it. It's just as annoying!
I wouldn't let her finish once she interrupted. Stop her and say, "may I finish what I was saying?" You can do it nicely.
I have a background in dog training and I've found that it often transfers to people behavior. Stopping the behavior midstream make the correction more effective. Of course, dogs are smarter than most people, so your experience may vary.
We don't know whether or not you've already brought up any subject or not so that she already knows your opinions on it and is just short circuiting you so as to not go over them again.
Like, can you be boring?
I f that's not the case , you might just ask "Are you done now?" and suggest attacking whatever it is from a different angle?
One suggestion has always been to repeat 'their' statements to you and ask for clarifiiciations
It's very frustrating! I'll start saying something, and she won't let me finish before she breaks in with her thought. And it's not that I talk endlessly; it's that she's an impatient person and doesn't want to wait for me to finish my sentence. She's a much more extroverted, domineering personality than me anyway, so it's hard for me to regain my composure when this happens. Then she assumes I'm thinking something that I may or may not be because she didn't let me finish whatever it was that I was saying. I've already mentioned I don't like this in a nice way, but the behavior hasn't changed. I'm not sure what to do. I want to bring it up again, because the issue is deterring me from engaging her more, but I don't want to be rude about it. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I still want to contribute to conversations fully. Suggestions?
Does she admit that this is a problem? Does she acknowledge that she does this?
I'd suggest a little bit of home grown cognitive therapy. If you're both aware that this happens...
Carry around with you a little buzzer, clicker, bell...something that makes a noise. When she does it, hit the clicker, bell, whatever. It will stop her in her tracks. No need to say anything for either of you. You both carry on as before. But if she does it again, hit the clicker again. Every time she interrupts you, you hit the clicker and interrupt her with the clicker.
She WILL become more cognizant of what she's doing, and she will come to understand what it feels like to be interrupted.
I am guilty of this! It is a hard habit to break. I am afraid if I do not say what I have to say in the moment, I will forget it. And I do. My brain just works very fast, and my memory can't keep up.
My ex dealt with this by simply talking on and on and on and never leaving a space for anyone to get a word it. It's just as annoying!
I do empathize, OP, I hate being interrupted too.
OMG, me too! I am guilty as well. I agree, if I don't say it at the moment, I will forget too. It really is a hard habit to break and I really don't intentionally do it.
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