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If you do not want an abortion, do not be bullied into getting one. The regret can be lifelong. Google abortion regrets. See if you can find some help from state or religious organizations, & family.
I love these suggestions of "going home to mom"
Like you think every potential grandparent wants to be a substitute parent all over again??
Think again!
I don't think that people are suggesting that Grandma & Grandpa financial supports and/or raises the baby, but that the OP discusses her options with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi
I don’t know what her mother would say or do, but it would help OP to speak to someone who loves her.
I agree. The OP needs to discuss this with adults that she can trust, such as her parents, an older sibling, close female friends, etc. They would be able to help her make a list of pros and cons of her various decisions.
That baby will never leave your mind. Every birthday, every child you see will remind you of this baby if you aborted him/her. Why would you put yourself through that?
That baby will change your life in a way unimaginable. Once you have that baby it may change him in a way you never thought. That beautiful baby may melt him inside. Once he holds that precious life in his arms I hope it makes him say, “I’m so glad you didn’t listen to me. How could we even have thought about ending this cute baby.”
I'm sorry, but how exactly do YOU know how she would feel in later years? You assume bad for the abortion and unending joy if she had the baby - no bias there at all.
OP - decide for yourself considering everything - your own maturity, support system, finances - and all of this without your BF because in the end you can't 100% rely on anyone but yourself.
I didn’t realize there was a turmoil in this relationship for long time. The man was 18 only 23 now and doesn’t want a baby. Sry understandable. The woman is older and is ready emotionally for motherhood but has a bad relationship and no job security. The OP shouldn’t base her choice on the thoughts of a young that may or may not stick around. If after 5 years he doesn’t want a family or marriage that should tell the op she is in a dead end relationship
If abortion is not what you want don’t do it.
If you decide to abort, don’t look back it was the best choice at the time.
You want to know how to keep this guy when you should be asking how fast can you kick him to the curb and get on with your life without him. You want to know how you can convince him to be a happy family when you should be asking whether and how you can raise this child by yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony86
To be fair, perhaps he should have kept it in his pants in the first place? He got her pregnant.
Yes, and some of the onus falls on him, but, I also get it if he believed she was on the pill and they chose not to use condoms based on that. (although with him sleeping around, they sure as hell should be. OP, please tell me you get STD-tested regularly...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmtrees099
I really don't know.
Would Alex honestly just up sticks and leave if I decided to keep the baby?
He'd leave me and his child?...
Did you not just post that he told you eventually he's leaving you anyway?
And yes, he told you that he would. And it would probably be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmtrees099
Would any body like to Skype call with me?????
Would love to talk to one of you in person
We are going to tell you the same thing in person, or over Skype, or over the phone, or over text, or over email, or over snail mail, or on a tin can telephone, or via bat signal, that we are telling you here. The answers are not going to change,and you're not going to like them any more than you do now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony86
Palm trees, you must see that you have issues to work through here that require professional help over a longer period, not the kind of help random internet strangers can offer. You don't appear to be helping yourself at all.
OP, listen to this. You are going to the doctor. Go without this dude. Tell your doctor you need their recommendation for a therapist. See the therapist (alone). Tell the therapist everything you've been telling us and whatever you maybe haven't been telling us. Go from there. You won't like what they'll say to you. Keep going anyway.
I'm sorry, but how exactly do YOU know how she would feel in later years? You assume bad for the abortion and unending joy if she had the baby - no bias there at all.
OP - decide for yourself considering everything - your own maturity, support system, finances - and all of this without your BF because in the end you can't 100% rely on anyone but yourself.
Yep. I get so sick of the "everything will be fine" mentality that completely ignores the many situations where it doesn't end up all warm and happy like a Hallmark movie.
What about the parents that abandon their kids?
Holding a baby does not magically turn someone who has no interest in parenthood into a great Dad. It might happen, but OP is already leaning toward the delusional side and feeding her this sort of fairy tale crap is not going to help her make a smart decision.
Very likely what will happen if she chooses to keep the child is he will leave her on her own, either traveling back to his country or ending up an expat somewhere in SE Asia where he can avoid child support and live out his days in a cheap jungle hut or something.
Everything will not necessarily be fine if you have this baby. Even people who want their babies struggle as a single parent.
My sister-in-law is a single parent (my brother passed away) she lives on benefits in the UK, no career prospects, always has no money, lives in a horrible, cramped little flat, two small kids (one with behavioural/sensory issues), and to be honest having to look after 2 kids on her own - one of them very difficult - has driven her to drink. She can't wait to have a glass of wine in the evening (often 3) It is HARD. She feels trapped. I would absolutely hate to have her life.
Think very carefully about what you are signing up for. It sounds like you do not have a strong career or way to fund yourself. It also sounds like you have some emotional issues going on that could impact on your parenting.
None of us can say what will happen if you have this child but I don't agree with funnyman, he will not melt when he sees his kid, he is likely to abandon you and if you're lucky, send a bit of child maintenance. If you're not, you and the child will never see or hear from him again (although I actually feel this would be the luckiest outcome because he sounds vile.)
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