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Thank goodness I didn't subscribe to my spouse ABOVE all others. Parents included!!
My Bio Dad was text book narcissistic. His comments were lethal. I chose to keep my distance. I didn't chose my husband over my relationship with my Dad. I did choose to keep him at a safe distance. He was not austersized . He could see the grandkids all he wanted. We moved to finish my husbands degree. It wasn't a getaway move. It was a move towards a better life goal.
I didn't have a good relationship with my mil. I accepted her passive aggressive attitude. What I did learn is...she loved her grandkids. I refused to disrespect her for that kindness.
Op- keep that door open on them having grandparent time. These two adult ladies need to set their own boundaries. They ARE both capable of that I would think.
Yes moving will dissipate some of the crux of the matter. Which is ...both ladies are placing you in a position that really isn't yours to be in.
No one other then you two can sign off on a divorce. That's silly to say someone (parent)is forcing you to divorce.
Did your dad talk smack about your spouse to other family members?
You appear to believe that cutting off your mother is something your wife is trying to get her way about... like having a dog or buying car.
Someone is emotionally abusing your wife. If it were a person on the street making nasty comments about her, would you invite that person out to dinner or over to see your kids?
You have probably been involved with your mother's narcissism for your entire life, which makes it very difficult for you to recognize the actual problem, I think. It doesn't matter if she has NPD is is "just being a B". She's hurting your wife!
Do you love your wife? Yes, you say. Do you think it's okay for someone to be mean to her and hurt her? I would hope that's a "No!" When you choose your mother over your wife, you tell your wife, "Well, I think it's okay if someone's mean to you. I think our kids should see someone putting you down."
And you felt it was best to just tolerate his poor behaviour, rather than to set healthy boundaries?
Pardon? Most folks may have opinions. Unsure if I stated his behavior. But do feel free to conclude incorrectly.
The OP is an adult. His wife is an adult. She has a voice. She can take her OPiNION and Behave as a grown up and state her own boundaries directly to the perceived offender.
It's an insult to women that the wife has to play damsel and have hubby fight her battles. That is not how today's ladys wish to be portrayed. Married or not, speak up .
I feel sorry for the couple. Poor guy has a less then charming mother and a wife that is willing to chew off his ear. Misdirecting her anger at him instead of dealing directly .
Fwiw, foresaking all others,,is about remaining faithful and thwarting off infidelity. Good gravy ...talk about twisting a simple vow!
Pardon? Most folks may have opinions. Unsure if I stated his behavior. But do feel free to conclude incorrectly.
The OP is an adult. His wife is an adult. She has a voice. She can take her OPiNION and Behave as a grown up and state her own boundaries directly to the perceived offender.
It's an insult to women that the wife has to play damsel and have hubby fight her battles. That is not how today's ladys wish to be portrayed. Married or not, speak up .
I feel sorry for the couple. Poor guy has a less then charming mother and a wife that is willing to chew off his ear. Misdirecting her anger at him instead of dealing directly .
Fwiw, foresaking all others,,is about remaining faithful and thwarting off infidelity. Good gravy ...talk about twisting a simple vow!
It has nothing to do with his wife’s independence or capability as a woman. This is a power play where the mother and son are not properly emotionally separated. The wife can stand up to the mother all she wants, but it won’t make a difference until her husband actually does what is necessary to let his mother know that she does not control their marriage.
It’s extremely difficult for children of narcissistic parents to do this because the parent has trained him his whole life to kowtow to her. His mother will rail against him and accuse him of all manner off betrayals. It’s truly painful to do, but necessary if he wants any chance of his marriage surviving.
And yes, forsaking all others applies here because his mother currently sees herself as a third party to their marriage. He has to leave his father and mother, physically and emotionally, and remind his wife of her place in his life.
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