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I was widowed in my late 40's. I was shattered.
In my wildest dreams, I never thought it could happen to me. We were together 10 years.
His death was decided for us; there's no culpability in cancer.
I started over.
My eyes saw new things after he was gone. My memories were like a tsunami, both good and bad.
The walk through grief is turbulent, unyielding at times. Time passes. Healing begins. But you never forget.
You are on the other side, and look back, always grateful for what you had together; that never leaves. Loved ones' lives are transcendent.
A wonderful man came into my life.
I married again, as he wished for me to do.
Only though his love, example, and inspiration, do I have this life with the new love of my life.
I was widowed in my late 40's. I was shattered.
In my wildest dreams, I never thought it could happen to me. We were together 10 years.
His death was decided for us; there's no culpability in cancer.
I started over.
My eyes saw new things after he was gone. My memories were like a tsunami, both good and bad.
The walk through grief is turbulent, unyielding at times. Time passes. Healing begins. But you never forget.
You are on the other side, and look back, always grateful for what you had together; that never leaves. Loved ones' lives are transcendent.
A wonderful man came into my life.
I married again, as he wished for me to do.
Only though his love, example, and inspiration, do I have this life with the new love of my life.
I pretty much figured when I got married that I would eventually have to face life without my husband since he was 14 years older than I was (we married late; I was 41 and he was 55). However, I still felt that he was taken way too early by cancer at age 71. He was working full-time and still flying his own plane just 6 months prior to his death, but once his cancer returned after a two year hiatus, it was a very swift decline. However, I've continued on by myself, survived my mother's and my sister's deaths as well and also survived a heart attack/stoppage last year. I sold my old house, moved, and have made a new life in the nearest city, although I do maintain some ties to my old locale. I'm used to spending time alone at this point, and it helps to have pets and books available at all times. And there's always work to be done in the new gardens I'm establishing - it's free dirt therapy!
So sorry for your losses, but your strength is very admirable and something I hope to have some day.
I used to tell my husband that I could not imagine life without him. And I couldn't.
Then he died. Suddenly. Two months after my 50th birthday. Life does go on but that phrase takes on a whole new meaning when you are actually going through the grieving process. You are completely devastated in a way that no one that has not been through it can understand. Then someone says, "Life goes on." Well, yes, it does but can you give me time to at least attempt to collect the shattered pieces of my life that were taken without warning?
You get angry that Walgreens is open. He used to go there often, how dare they be open for business as usual when he's no longer here. Nothing stops except you. It's it just a feeling that you get. The hole is enormous. The pain is unbearable. It seems unreal. You think any minute now you're going to hear the key in the door. But it doesn't happen.
So no, I could not see life without him. But I do now because I have to. It's been about 3 1/2 years and only recently have I been able to talk about him without welling up. I can sit with my own thoughts and smile at memories of him. I never thought I'd be able to do that.
I used to tell my husband that I could not imagine life without him. And I couldn't.
Then he died. Suddenly. Two months after my 50th birthday. Life does go on but that phrase takes on a whole new meaning when you are actually going through the grieving process. You are completely devastated in a way that no one that has not been through it can understand. Then someone says, "Life goes on." Well, yes, it does but can you give me time to at least attempt to collect the shattered pieces of my life that were taken without warning?
You get angry that Walgreens is open. He used to go there often, how dare they be open for business as usual when he's no longer here. Nothing stops except you. It's it just a feeling that you get. The hole is enormous. The pain is unbearable. It seems unreal. You think any minute now you're going to hear the key in the door. But it doesn't happen.
So no, I could not see life without him. But I do now because I have to. It's been about 3 1/2 years and only recently have I been able to talk about him without welling up. I can sit with my own thoughts and smile at memories of him. I never thought I'd be able to do that.
I am so sorry, cleasach. Wish I could give you a hug. I am going through a similar thing; I lost my husband suddenly 18 months ago. I still can't imagine life without him. I am getting up every day and trying to get through the day by focusing on my to-do list and working 24/7. I don't have any vision of what my life is going to be like without him five years from now, or one year from now, or one month from now. I only know that the best times of my life are behind me now, and I will never ever be that happy, carefree, and content again. I will never love or be loved like that again, it was a once in a lifetime type of love that we shared. I have not seriously considered suicide, but I have really lost my way. I don't really care anymore if I live or die. I am so sad and miss him so much, I can hardly bear it.
"I can't live without you." Or was it, "I am terrified of being alone, and you are here. Don't go."
It was a love driven by need, not by want. And everything was a potential threat to it, all the time.
So I didn't want a partner who would ever say, "I CAN'T live without you."
Oh, I know! In my late 20s I had a relationship with a guy whose favorite song was Barry Manilow's "I Can't Live Without You". He'd play it and sing along. He was clingy and was hell to break up with, and quite quickly found another woman and married her. It did not end well but, AFAIK, he's still married to the one he married after that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove
I pretty much figured when I got married that I would eventually have to face life without my husband since he was 14 years older than I was (we married late; I was 41 and he was 55).
That was my second marriage- 15-year age difference. We had a wonderful marriage but I think I always had one eye on the horizon knowing it was likely I'd outlive him, and I did. He died in late 2016 at age 79 of acute myeloid leukemia. I'm still stunned (and maybe a bit guilty?) that I never went through a period in which I was too depressed to get out of bed, cried for hours every day, etc. I had a lot of outside activities and they went on. My second granddaughter was born 2 weeks after he died and I spent a week with DS and his family, and it felt good to be around new life. Five months after he died I went on a cruise through the Panama Canal; he didn't tolerate hot weather well so we'd traveled in more temperate climates. When I told him a month before he died that I'd booked that cruise he said, "Good".
And life is good. Really. I suppose there's something sweet about a relationship of 24/7 togetherness and "I can't live without you" but, barring death from a common accident, one or both of you might have to.
Oh, I know! In my late 20s I had a relationship with a guy whose favorite song was Barry Manilow's "I Can't Live Without You". He'd play it and sing along. He was clingy and was hell to break up with, and quite quickly found another woman and married her. It did not end well but, AFAIK, he's still married to the one he married after that.
That was my second marriage- 15-year age difference. We had a wonderful marriage but I think I always had one eye on the horizon knowing it was likely I'd outlive him, and I did. He died in late 2016 at age 79 of acute myeloid leukemia. I'm still stunned (and maybe a bit guilty?) that I never went through a period in which I was too depressed to get out of bed, cried for hours every day, etc. I had a lot of outside activities and they went on. My second granddaughter was born 2 weeks after he died and I spent a week with DS and his family, and it felt good to be around new life. Five months after he died I went on a cruise through the Panama Canal; he didn't tolerate hot weather well so we'd traveled in more temperate climates. When I told him a month before he died that I'd booked that cruise he said, "Good".
And life is good. Really. I suppose there's something sweet about a relationship of 24/7 togetherness and "I can't live without you" but, barring death from a common accident, one or both of you might have to.
Yeah I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not so bad if it's a genuine, "I don't want to imagine living life without YOU" when the "you" part is special and unique and meaningful. Not just... "I'm afraid to live life without SOMEONE." My ex used to give me a ton of credit for the good things we'd accomplished together, but I always had this feeling he could have fixated on anyone, and so long as they were willing to be the object of his obsession and the source of all his energy, it wouldn't matter that much who they were, what they looked like, etc. And maybe some of that is projection, because I kinda settled for him just because he was the first guy in my very young life at the time who seemed inclined to stick around, be an adult, face life's challenges...and I needed help with all of that.
But I also say that it's only "clingy" or "needy" if both people don't feel the same level of emotional investment in one another. If both people in a couple are doing the needy-clingy, then they're just happy little monkeys together. I feel that way with my present love. He and I are peas in a pod like, thick as thieves, birds of a feather...um...flocking?...together... lol (Sorry, I'm only ever moments away from some sort of innuendo in my head.)
I can live without him. If/when it happens I will, I'm sure. But I'm also sure it's gonna wreck me for a while. He's made my life worth living in ways that no one ever has, that's for sure.
As for my ex though, you know, I have mixed feelings about him finding someone else. He hasn't been able to. His brand of crazy is too obvious to most women these days, now that he's interacting with women who are not very young and naive anymore...can't get the 18 year olds and isn't trying, but older women are wise to him. I feel like on the one hand, if he could just find someone new, maybe he'd stop obsessing over our marriage and the end of it...but on the other hand, I don't really wish him on anyone.
My life would just be a lot lonelier and I don’t really get along with or like 99% of girls. No guy’s girlfriend will ever like me pretty much haha I’m used to that, feeling is mutual. I figure I found my one perfect girl, I wouldn’t try again, so I can imagine my life without her as I was single a long time before but it would just be mostly casual flings and career focused. It’d be easy to have a lot of meaningless dates and whatnot, very hard to find a keeper like her.
I used to tell my husband that I could not imagine life without him. And I couldn't.
Then he died. Suddenly. Two months after my 50th birthday. Life does go on but that phrase takes on a whole new meaning when you are actually going through the grieving process. You are completely devastated in a way that no one that has not been through it can understand. Then someone says, "Life goes on." Well, yes, it does but can you give me time to at least attempt to collect the shattered pieces of my life that were taken without warning?
You get angry that Walgreens is open. He used to go there often, how dare they be open for business as usual when he's no longer here. Nothing stops except you. It's it just a feeling that you get. The hole is enormous. The pain is unbearable. It seems unreal. You think any minute now you're going to hear the key in the door. But it doesn't happen.
So no, I could not see life without him. But I do now because I have to. It's been about 3 1/2 years and only recently have I been able to talk about him without welling up. I can sit with my own thoughts and smile at memories of him. I never thought I'd be able to do that.
Can I only give you cyber hugs?
Of course I couldn't 'imagine' my life without him but when it happened, I no longer had to imagine it.
Life did go on and it was up to me(you) as to how to deal with.
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