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Why don't you kick him out? Are you scared of being alone? Scared of change?
Make a list. Well, let me help you:
CON
- no job
- doesn't want new job
- turns arguments around against you
- he is always upset
- sleeps in separate room
- no sex
- no intimacy at all
- liar
- exaggerates alot
- maybe does shady illegal stuff to get money
PRO
- not being alone
Needs to meet:
- employment
- intimacy
- companionship
- harmony
- common goals
- achievable future plans
......
I'm wondering how he pays his share of the rent (I didn't read anything about him not contributing financially), and his "toys" (game console). Is he living off of an inheritance/trust fund ? Parents giving him money ? Or at the other end of the spectrum, is he charging everything and amassing a large debt, so he can declare bankruptcy ? Or even worse, involved in illegal activity (drugs) ? Day trading with information fed to him by his contacts in the finance world ?
I'm wondering how he pays his share of the rent (I didn't read anything about him not contributing financially), and his "toys" (game console). Is he living off of an inheritance/trust fund ? Parents giving him money ? Or at the other end of the spectrum, is he charging everything and amassing a large debt, so he can declare bankruptcy ? Or even worse, involved in illegal activity (drugs) ? Day trading with information fed to him by his contacts in the finance world ?
I agree with others, he's got to go, now.
He says he is living off investments. He did recieve an inheritance early in our relationship, but he used that to pay off his student debt and had a little left over. I don't know how much money he has in his investments, or how long they'll last.
It's not clear to me who moved into whose place. I guess he moved into yours? One member of the dating couple "needing a place" or having their lease come up for renewal is never a good reason to move in together prematurely.
Now that he's been living in your place for awhile, whether he's been paying or not, he may well have tenants' rights, meaning that you'd have to start official eviction procedures, giving him 1 month's notice to move out, and so on. See the rental laws in your area. Contact your local or state tenants' union for free expert advice, if you need it. If he's not the type to dig in his heels and drag legalities into it, you may be able to simply tell him you want him out, then change the locks after whatever interval, if your LL will allow ou to change the locks.
I think you already know the "right" answer, you just need some outside validation to do what you know you need to do. Breakups are hard, yeah. But you know what's worse? Being with someone who you know could make you happy but doesn't, for whatever reason, and letting the relationship go past it's expiration date.
Oh, this is why. You do have sex sometimes? Even though you have " no desire to kiss him, hug him, not be intimate or have sex with him."?
So you have no desire for your bf? explain?
Not sure what you want me to explain here?? But here it goes...
The desire I once had is gone, yes. When he moved in, he was the one who started sleeping in separate rooms. Because he doesn't work and has no schedule, sometimes he stays up past midnight, and he sleeps in a different room to not wake me up when he goes to bed (I can be a light sleeper). Sometimes I leave the room because I cannot sleep with him next to me. I am the type of person who needs complete darkness and silence to sleep, whereas he needs to sleep while watching something so he falls asleep with Netflix on his iPad and uses ear phones. He tried to dim the light and angle it so it's not bothering me, but sometimes it's still too disturbing to sleep next to that. So yes, I've learned to really enjoy having the bed to myself. We have sex once every few months.
You aren't in a relationship with this young man any more. He is more a room mate who isn't meeting their obligations.
Just because they're not having sex doesn't mean they're not in a relationship anymore. And he is meeting his obligations (financially anyway).
OP, if he got a job, would that fix the current problems? That's what you need to think about.
Or if you found out that he has a ton of money put aside, and just wants to basically take a vacation for a few years, and can fall back on his finance degree at some point, would that fix the current problems?
It's not like he's sponging off of you. Are you concerned solely about future finances and that you may be wasting time with him? Have you completely lost all feelings for him?
If this is just about money, I think it can be worked out (assuming you want it to be worked out).
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