Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wouldn’t ask a woman. But if I find out through the grapevine she’s been around, not gonna lie that is going to scare me. Is she going to compare me to them guys when we sex? If I suck in bed will it be a dumpable offense? Yeah, I realize these are kind of unfair but I can’t help how I’d feel.
You left out an important element. If a woman interacts, sexually and otherwise, with highly desirable men, it can be damaging to her. Namely, she'll lose the ability to emotionally bond with stable, mild-mannered men. She may still settle down with such a man, but her mind and her heart will always desire the type of man her partner is not. And that's the root cause of many unhappy marriages nowadays. Not all, or even most, but many.
So while I get that nobody marries as a virgin anymore---heck, I'm still single and I'm not a virgin---I'd be leery of a woman who had a large number of sex partners. I can see nothing but misery if I marry her.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 06-21-2019 at 10:39 PM..
Well...I was with the same person from 18 til I divorced him at 40. But he wasn’t. What does that say about me?
...and once again MU shows he has no idea of what it’s like in real life. He (my ex) was highly desirable AND a “stable provider”. It’s not one or the other. People look for the whole package, then people grow together or sometimes apart. Not always the “fault” of the man or woman.
You left out an important element. If a woman interacts, sexually and otherwise, with highly desirable men, it can be damaging to her. Namely, she'll lose the ability to emotionally bond with stable, mild-mannered men. She may still settle down with such a man, but her mind and her heart will always desire the type of man her partner is not. And that's the root cause of many unhappy marriages nowadays. Not all, or even most, but many
Switch this around. Men who date a lot and have sex a lot, often with highly desirable women may be damaged as well. They'll always want the hot young thing, may well cheat, and not be satisfied with their wife if she loses her figure after having children.
I guess almost everyone is damaged if you apply this judgment - or they're too inexperienced to know any better when things aren't happy in their marriage. Sounds like there's no winning combination!
You left out an important element. If a woman interacts, sexually and otherwise, with highly desirable men, it can be damaging to her. Namely, she'll lose the ability to emotionally bond with stable, mild-mannered men. She may still settle down with such a man, but her mind and her heart will always desire the type of man her partner is not. And that's the root cause of many unhappy marriages nowadays. Not all, or even most, but many.
So while I get that nobody marries as a virgin anymore---heck, I'm still single and I'm not a virgin---I'd be leery of a woman who had a large number of sex partners. I can see nothing but misery if I marry her.
Wow- that's harsh. I'm 66 and was a gleeful participant in the sexual revolution. I wouldn't be able to give any guy a number because I lost count. Really. Few of them would fall into the "highly desirable" category; they were mostly ordinary and so am I. After all my philandering, I married at 31 and was totally faithful to my husband, even as the marriage deteriorated, his alcohol abuse became worse and he became unemployed (never worked again the last 5 years of the marriage)- until 11 years into the marriage when I had ONE affair. It was at a business conference and I went home and filed for divorce. The guy at the business conference was kind and didn't put me down and I realized that my "marriage" really wasn't one and it was time to end it. (Didn't go off into the sunset with the other guy, either.) I remarried at 50 and was widowed at 64- even in the last couple of years when DH's health deteriorated and our sexual relationship fizzled out I was never even tempted to stray.
I sowed my wild oats. I don't do hookups- maybe because I've been there, done that and I'm over it. What I am now is a function of everything that came before and what I am now is pretty good. Any guy who has a problem with my past isn't worth my time. My current relationship is with a nice guy who I think was a little concerned that somehow I'd be judgmental and he'd be compared unfavorably to other guys in certain areas. What he found is that I'm open-minded, have healthy drives and I'm VERY happy with that aspect of the relationship.
There seems to be some stereotype that women who have had multiple partners are always going to stray and that they'll compare every guy unfavorably against all the others they've been with, It's just not true.
You've had a lot of sex with different people and someone stops seeing you for it? It's fair game and you can be rejected for it.
You can call that person insecure and shallow all you want, but at the end of the day they don't want to be with you anymore and you aren't the right match for them. It sucks but dating is not fair. You're sometimes going to be turned down for the things you've done in your past.
You've had a lot of sex with different people and someone stops seeing you for it? It's fair game and you can be rejected for it.
True. Just like people who get dumped for being virgins people can also get dumped for sleeping around and having high numbers. Nothing wrong for people to have different standards.
And that's what the columnist was saying - the number of sex partners doesn't define you as a person. It can't.
He didn't say "it doesn't define your view on relationships."
It's the whole point of this "my girlfriend slept with too many guys" comment. No one is saying it doesn't matter, but it definitely doesn't define you as a person.
Just wondering.. in your opinion, are there ANY experiences or characteristics that define someone as a person?
I think a lot has to do with how the guy views the relationship.
If it is a "pump and dump"... Have at it.
If it's more serious.... Many men want to be "the one" (figuratively)... Not "one of many".
I once dated a Narcissist, once I figured out that she was inching in on (Honest to goodness) triple digits, I bailed on that one.
I was not going to be the Caboose on that train.
Last edited by banger; 06-22-2019 at 12:14 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
