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So you've never just been on friendly, chatty terms with a girl?
I did once. I asked her to hang out and she flaked (I had to prompt this out of her also "Hey are we still doing x?") and offered no alternative. I guess at this point I was supposed to chase her down but I didn't. Then she posted all of this passive aggressive stuff on social media about guys who are a 3/10 but think they are hot **** or something like that. Maybe it was about someone else but it was right around the same time. At least she was one of the few that wasn't bothered by my horrid face.
I had a female friend in high school who I was very attracted to and strangely enough she seemed flirty but that was just her nature. She had a boyfriend anyway.
As far as height goes, I'm not that short (5 foot 8) so it's not a huge deal, but I do have an unattractive face. I get regular exercise so I'm not overweight and have a slight muscle tone although I'm still very underweight.
I had a female friend in high school who I was very attracted to and strangely enough she seemed flirty but that was just her nature. She had a boyfriend anyway.
Are you able to talk about girls in non-sexual terms?
Are you able to talk about girls in non-sexual terms?
As a heterosexual male, not really. If I cover up sexual attraction, I am seen as the typical devious "nice guy" who secretly wants to have romantic relations with a girl, but instead orbits around them as a "friend". If I show my feelings, I'm seen as too aggressive. You really can't win sometimes. I have a hard enough time making male friends nevermind female ones.
i think you should widen your network with guy friends and maybe they will know of women (friends, cousins, sisters, ...) who are like you ?
Most of the guys I associate with are older than me (mid to late twenties) and one guy is basically married. But you're right it would definitely help to widen my circle.
As a heterosexual male, not really. If I cover up sexual attraction, I am seen as the typical devious "nice guy" who secretly wants to have romantic relations with a girl, but instead orbits around them as a "friend". If I show my feelings, I'm seen as too aggressive. You really can't win sometimes. I have a hard enough time making male friends nevermind female ones.
If you have a tendency to autosort women only into the categories of "doable" and "not doable," then yes, you've got a real problem.
It sounds like you're a long way from mentally and emotionally ready to date. I second the university counseling center. You have to be able to see women as people in order to relate to them on an emotional/dating level.
22 is pretty young. Stop with the labels like loser. Don't beat yourself up over this. Life will kick you in the gnads as it is, don't add to that.
You can be a social loser and still win in other areas of life. Right now, I'm doing pretty well academically and have a very healthy savings account. I'll be starting my master's next semester. The great thing about academics is that it is all about effort rather than subjective things like what you look like.
If you have a tendency to autosort women only into the categories of "doable" and "not doable," then yes, you've got a real problem.
It sounds like you're a long way from mentally and emotionally ready to date. I second the university counseling center. You have to be able to see women as people in order to relate to them on an emotional/dating level.
I don't think I sort people into categories like that however I do have to do some sorting to determine if a particular girl would be interested in me vs the typical attractive guy. I've never been to counseling but it's definitely worth a shot to deal with the social anxiety aspect.
I do have to do some sorting to determine if a particular girl would be interested in me vs the typical attractive guy.
That is not something you have control over.
The sooner you accept that, the better you'll be.
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