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Yea these days, if men pass up a girl because she is a little overweight, we get accused of "fat shaming". Or if a man passes up a girl because she is a single mom, he is not considered a "real man", because real men take care of other men's children. Men can't have standards anymore. So our hands are tied, srjth. What do you suppose we do? I'm open to your advice.
Well it's kind of the same for women. Most guys that are single and looking have kids (probably why it's harder to find someone, and why they end up being on dating sites longer), but if we don't want to date someone that has kids, then we're too picky and intolerant, because we're gals after all, and what gal doesn't love kids!? I feel like the old stereotype was single moms, and of course guys think she just must be looking for a new dad. But now, there are just as many if not more guys who have young kids out there, yet if we're just as wary as guys are or were about single moms, then we're the bad ones.
and it's the same for looks...as evidenced in this thread, some guys seem to think we're all looking for perfectly shaped models not true. but if we're not desperate enough, it's "oh, you're really not that great looking yourself, sweetheart" or "have you looked in the mirror lately?" they just love to tell us what they think we deserve.
The simple answer is that they're resentful that women can get interest on dating sites much easier than men can, and they try to get back at women by insulting them.
The thing is, the greater sexual interest that women receive is a double-edged sword, because it means they get a lot more threats and harassment and are more likely to be attacked, and even the men they decide to date may end up just using them for sex and leaving when they're no longer satisfied.
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
This whole division between "Nice guys" and "Jerks" was created by men. It doesn't exist. They're all just men.
I disagree with this, but the guys who have to tell you they're "nice guys" aren't really nice. They're just a subset of jerks that lacks confidence and social skills.
The simple answer is that they're resentful that women can get interest on dating sites much easier than men can, and they try to get back at women by insulting them.
The thing is, the greater sexual interest that women receive is a double-edged sword, because it means they get a lot more threats and harassment and are more likely to be attacked, and even the men they decide to date may end up just using them for sex and leaving when they're no longer satisfied.
bingo. yes and that annoys me when they always act like we have it so much easier just because it's easier to get a date or attention, or sex...well they're just admitting what horndogs they all are, that there's an abundance of guys whenever a girl wants one. but so? unless a girl just wants attention or sex, that doesn't really matter. more available guys that may be interested, doesn't mean that finding something meaningful is any easier.
the guys who have to tell you they're "nice guys" aren't really nice. They're just a subset of jerks that lacks confidence and social skills.
I don't think the "nice" guys call themselves nice. It's that they seem nice compared to the jerks that are full of themselves, impatient, pushy, etc. But going back to my previous post, yes, it seems that a "nice" guy is just one that isn't getting any.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raptor76
I hope that doesn't happen. My main source of entertainment right now is Love after Lockup and 90 Day Fiancee. With legislation like that passed, I don't know what I will do for Trash TV.
I’m honestly torn. I love watching people make such stupid choices in love on those shows. But I think for the good of the gene pool, stupid love choices should be regulated so we aren’t just breeding more idiots. Humanity is stupid enough already for the most part.
making it seem like they have to settle for someone not that great looking, bc they're getting older and "losing their looks" , not bc they've just naturally matured, want something else, and are no longer interested in just a hot guy, as I said.
I agree. Well, it all goes together. Hand in hand. The maturation process is part of acknowledging that we all have physical flaws, esp. as we age. At this point, priorities shift when we mature.
that's good. and if you have a 'type', then that's understandable. I'm just confused sometimes, bc a lot of guys will act like or even say "I don't like fat girls"...and then they end up with one. I just find it weird that they're talking to me and are like "omg you're so hot"...then they end up with someone 2-3 times my size. that's what makes me think they just couldn't get someone else.
I see this as a human nature thing. A guy might meet you, and just simply not be feelin' it for you. And rather than feeling hurt as though you are not good enough, consider ALL the times you've ever met a man and for some ineffable reason you just...didn't feel a click there. Sometimes, that's just how it goes. But people feel some wacky compulsion to try and give some sort of a reason for their lack of attraction, which... Look, if there is something that someone could work on, to improve their odds in general, ok fine, finding a way to tell them diplomatically doesn't suck. But I don't think that anyone should have to justify their feelings by coming up with an acceptable excuse to not date someone else.
It's got to be ok to just...not be feeling it.
So dude's not into ya for some whatever reason. He SAYS he likes a different body type or something. Which leads us to the second thing... When you have not yet met the person you want to date, it's super easy to craft this imaginary human in your mind who is your perfect type. Or to say you are only wanting this or that kind of imaginary relationship.
But reality has a way of tossing us into situations where our rules go right out the window. You meet someone and even if they are not some "type" you thought you were looking for, you talk and it's amazing and you just connect. So she's overweight but that smile, that laugh, the sparkle in her eyes, something just gets you, and when people pay dedicated attention to one another it feels good, and before ya know it... Mr. "You aren't my type" is dating someone heavier that you are or whatever. Or my friend who swears she isn't looking for a "serious" relationship. Right, I wasn't either. Yet one found me. Over time, if you meet someone who is just RIGHT for you...you don't have to be pushing towards that as a life goal (and I think it's better if you're not.) It just evolves in that direction naturally.
All very human stuff.
I really think that online dating has made us put too much investment in a fantasy thing of the perfect person and the perfect relationship. I'm not saying that anyone should lower standards, have no standards, or especially ignore real red flags of definitely incompatibility. But we should try to be more realistic about what we really need to be happy and what is more of a "well it would be nice but it's not that important."
I see this as a human nature thing. A guy might meet you, and just simply not be feelin' it for you. And rather than feeling hurt as though you are not good enough, consider ALL the times you've ever met a man and for some ineffable reason you just...didn't feel a click there. Sometimes, that's just how it goes. But people feel some wacky compulsion to try and give some sort of a reason for their lack of attraction, which... Look, if there is something that someone could work on, to improve their odds in general, ok fine, finding a way to tell them diplomatically doesn't suck. But I don't think that anyone should have to justify their feelings by coming up with an acceptable excuse to not date someone else.
It's got to be ok to just...not be feeling it.
So dude's not into ya for some whatever reason. He SAYS he likes a different body type or something. Which leads us to the second thing... When you have not yet met the person you want to date, it's super easy to craft this imaginary human in your mind who is your perfect type. Or to say you are only wanting this or that kind of imaginary relationship.
But reality has a way of tossing us into situations where our rules go right out the window. You meet someone and even if they are not some "type" you thought you were looking for, you talk and it's amazing and you just connect. So she's overweight but that smile, that laugh, the sparkle in her eyes, something just gets you, and when people pay dedicated attention to one another it feels good, and before ya know it... Mr. "You aren't my type" is dating someone heavier that you are or whatever. Or my friend who swears she isn't looking for a "serious" relationship. Right, I wasn't either. Yet one found me. Over time, if you meet someone who is just RIGHT for you...you don't have to be pushing towards that as a life goal (and I think it's better if you're not.) It just evolves in that direction naturally.
All very human stuff.
I really think that online dating has made us put too much investment in a fantasy thing of the perfect person and the perfect relationship. I'm not saying that anyone should lower standards, have no standards, or especially ignore real red flags of definitely incompatibility. But we should try to be more realistic about what we really need to be happy and what is more of a "well it would be nice but it's not that important."
Agreed! I have to say that the person the poster is speaking of, Im just guessing, they met in some organic fashion...likely in real life.
Online dating skews things tremendously.
For instance, for the many men women had ignored on online dating sites, chances are she could have passed up on THE ONE by skipping over them when just thumbing through it all. I think some women get so many emails they HAVE to skip heights or keep an eye out for certain buzz words, ie want kids, don't want kids, 5'10" or taller, likes Monty Python whatever lol
But I recall on the old POF forums how a guy who emailed a woman on there that ignored him (he didn't take it personal)...BUT later saw her in public and appraoched her THERE.
They hit it off tremondously!
About 5 dates in , he admitted that he knew her from online (didnt say anything in the beginning, held off)
She responded, "Wow, had I known you were THIS WAY, I would have replied!" So she basically ignored or turned away online, that could have made a good match for her in person. Chances are he was able to demonstrate his in-person social skills...a task very difficult or not possible demonstrate online.
This is why I could never really wrap my mind around those on these forums that prefer online dating over in person social gatherings...you know, the more normal way. But who am I to say what is "Normal" ..okay, replace 'normal" with nature or organic. )
Kind of reminds me of those 'missed connections" in the old classifieds, but kind of in reverse? A different take on them. lol
that's good. and if you have a 'type', then that's understandable. I'm just confused sometimes, bc a lot of guys will act like or even say "I don't like fat girls"...and then they end up with one. I just find it weird that they're talking to me and are like "omg you're so hot"...then they end up with someone 2-3 times my size. that's what makes me think they just couldn't get someone else.
Yeah that’s a little weird if they said they were into your appearance and then went in an entirely different direction. Also, some guys may claim not to like fat girls...until one gets ahold of them and gets him between the sheets! if I keep going down that refrain I’m going to get banned!
I could go on forever about the dating/relationship dynamic when plus size women are involved, but this is more a side bar to the main thread topic anyway, so I’ll leave it alone unless asked for more. Suffice to say it’s a topic that is extremely important to me though.
Agreed! I have to say that the person the poster is speaking of, Im just guessing, they met in some organic fashion...likely in real life.
Online dating skews things tremendously.
For instance, for the many men women had ignored on online dating sites, chances are she could have passed up on THE ONE by skipping over them when just thumbing through it all. I think some women get so many emails they HAVE to skip heights or keep an eye out for certain buzz words, ie want kids, don't want kids, 5'10" or taller, likes Monty Python whatever lol
But I recall on the old POF forums how a guy who emailed a woman on there that ignored him (he didn't take it personal)...BUT later saw her in public and appraoched her THERE.
They hit it off tremondously!
About 5 dates in , he admitted that he knew her from online (didnt say anything in the beginning, held off)
She responded, "Wow, had I known you were THIS WAY, I would have replied!" So she basically ignored or turned away online, that could have made a good match for her in person. Chances are he was able to demonstrate his in-person social skills...a task very difficult or not possible demonstrate online.
This is why I could never really wrap my mind around those on these forums that prefer online dating over in person social gatherings...you know, the more normal way. But who am I to say what is "Normal" ..okay, replace 'normal" with nature or organic. )
Kind of reminds me of those 'missed connections" in the old classifieds, but kind of in reverse? A different take on them. lol
This is why I loved the cold approach and if I were ever thrust back into the dating arena would bet on myself over my online profile. I think the only advantage dating apps/OLD gives over cold approaching is you know who’s actually looking. It is hard to discern this when assessing in person if someone is open to being approached. Other than that, I like my chances in person far more than on a dating app.
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not true. but if we're not desperate enough, it's "oh, you're really not that great looking yourself, sweetheart" or "have you looked in the mirror lately?" 
and if you have a 'type', then that's understandable. I'm just confused sometimes, bc a lot of guys will act like or even say "I don't like fat girls"...and then they end up with one. 
I just find it weird that they're talking to me and are like "omg you're so hot"...then they end up with someone 2-3 times my size. that's what makes me think they just couldn't get someone else.
if I keep going down that refrain I’m going to get banned!
