When did "friendly" go out of style??? (dating, Christian, how to)
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I am looking to re-locate soon to an area that is completely new and unknown to me. I thought that (in this computer-driven age of ours) looking online for new friends that I could start getting to know in the area I'll be moving to would be a great way to get a "jump start" on my new life! I have been sadly suprised by people's lack of willingness to allow new people into their lives, and now wonder if moving is the right thing to do at all! It's not that I'm moving FOR the purpose of finding new friends... but is having them a BAD idea? I am leaving a home where I have lots of friends and several family members too, and I'm wondering if I'll be able to find a "spot" for me and my son. Moving is a hard decision anyway, but having to do it completely alone... without even the hope of a friendly face once I get there??? I don't know if I'm tough enough for that one! I want a good, full, and purposeful life for me and my son... Not one devoid of all other human contact!!
I am 38, single, and have one child (4) that will be moving with me. I am attractive, fun, easy to talk to, and I enjoy new people and new experiences. I don't have any diseases or warts on my nose, and I am not looking for anyone to BE my life... just a PART of it! I have looked on MySpace, a random dating site, a Christian based forum, and even a site for single parents... I've contacted males and females both... All without luck!
Is expecting to make new friends in a new city at this point in my life asking too much? Or is it just the "online" thing that isn't working? Are people generally as unfriendly to new people as what I've experienced online, or is it different "in person"? I have to admit that I am a bit fearful of moving without knowing the answer to this question! I understand that making "true" friends takes time and I'm certainly willing to put in that time, but is having someone you enjoy talking with to go to dinner or to the park or even for a cup of coffee with an unrealistic expectation? Should I go ahead with the move and hope for the best, or am I setting us up for an unpleasant experience?
Last edited by felecia; 04-16-2008 at 11:10 AM..
Reason: grammer error
I can understand your frustration, believe me. I've moved to places alone (two cities in California on different occasions) and it turned out ok, but I was a lot younger. It's my belief that the older one gets the harder it is.
Having said this, I moved to the Bay Area when I was your age and had no problem making friends. Of course, I just happened to move to a city I adore so I guess I fit in there. Four years ago I moved to Phoenix and have one friend here. I am very political and cannot talk to her about these things and she has a BF so no time for me during prime time weekends.
I'm really starting to think that had I taken some very real and fundamental things into account, I sure would not have made this move. I think it's very important to fit in where you move to and in a city with like minded people. For example San Francisco is very liberal with lots of single people. Phoenix is conservative and more family oriented, not to mention the transience factor, which does make a huge difference.
I don't know where you are moving to, but just make sure it's a place that will resonate with you at a core level.
Sometimes too, where you are moving from and to are not always what one might expect. Im not a city person and dont fit in with city folks or lifestyles, nor will I want to. And most sense that, which is fine with me. For a city person to try to meet up with country folks, could result in the same. Even different types of cities, as the one previous poster had put, San Fran can be a totally different lifestyle than Houston, and so on. Not always is this the case, but from what I read in other forums as well as from my own experience, smaller town folks might just fare well to stick with the same type of friends, as they understand each other. And vice versa about the city living folks. Again, this is only judging from my point of view, but there will be other thoughts on this.
There is a lot of aprehension on the part of a lot of people it seems toward welcoming someone new into their lives these days. I'm not quite sure why that is.
Everyone enters a relationship with a new acquaintance so cautiously that friendships don't ever seem to develop. Time was we knew everyone who lived on our street. Now we're lucky if we know the next door neighbors.
You should be fine once you complete your move. I think that some people are cautious of meeting people online and committing to a friendship until they've met that person in real life. One problem is that there are scammers everywhere with their fake internet and real life personas. So if you aren't pushy online and keep your requests to meet more laid back, those people will act friendlier. Plus, you need to give them a fair chance to meet you in person and allow them the choice of whether or not they want to be your friend. Sometimes there are personality conflicts. Several times on tv sitcoms, I have seen the storylines of a couple going out on a double date with new friends, then one couple thinks the other couple is annoying, then the rest of the show is about how to ditch the friendship.
It's like dating, extend the offer of friendship gracefully, but don't force it on them. Acting too eager or hungry for company can be a turnoff.
Movin'On: Great advice. Thanks! The area I'm moving to is very similar to the one I'm leaving (which I completely enjoy), but larger and with more opportunities (which I like!). So, I don't think that that will be an issue... Can I ask HOW you went about making friends when you moved to the Bay Area??
LionKing: So, are you saying that I need to forget Dallas and move to the "friendly" places like Austin or San Antonio??? Is there really a difference??
and Rhett: You're right!! Something HAS changed!! What do you think our chances of changing it BACK are??
Movin'On: Great advice. Thanks! The area I'm moving to is very similar to the one I'm leaving (which I completely enjoy), but larger and with more opportunities (which I like!). So, I don't think that that will be an issue... Can I ask HOW you went about making friends when you moved to the Bay Area??
LionKing: So, are you saying that I need to forget Dallas and move to the "friendly" places like Austin or San Antonio??? Is there really a difference??
and Rhett: You're right!! Something HAS changed!! What do you think our chances of changing it BACK are??
I didn't stay in Dallas.But it seems as soon as you cross the Texas line people overall are pretty nice.Sure there are some not nice ones but overall if I ever leave FL Texas will be my destination.
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