I broke my own rule and sent another text before she responded to the first text (man, kiss)
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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,628 posts, read 17,961,729 times
Reputation: 50651
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These OLD relationships get on my last nerve. This is the most anemic thing I've ever seen.
I'm just thanking God I'm not having to do that - this feels very much like trying to talk to someone who has earphones on, and is also falling asleep.
This is how it should go, IMHO. Contact on OLD site. Pick up the phone, talk for 3 minutes, so, are you available for coffee Saturday? No? When can we meet for coffee, or maybe ice cream, or a happy hour, this week? You can't? Bye. Or you are available? Great, see you at 10 tomorrow. Looking forward to meeting you!
exactly. she could have thought you were just making excuses, that maybe you were seeing someone else too, and just decided to switch to her. so excuse her if she doesn't jump whenever you say so.
+10.
but you're acting like she's your girlfriend, when you haven't even met! and that's precisely the problem. that's the problem with OLD, people talk too long, and other people (like her maybe) can get exhausted with a sudden virtual relationship. the point is to meet people to see if you want to date - not to talk for weeks about every detail of your lives, and how your day was, like an old married couple, when you've never met. bc then what happens if you meet and...crickets. (as is often the case with people who can't wait to meet and message). then you've lost your virtual girlfriend!
These OLD relationships get on my last nerve. This is the most anemic thing I've ever seen.
I'm just thanking God I'm not having to do that - this feels very much like trying to talk to someone who has earphones on, and is also falling asleep.
This is how it should go, IMHO. Contact on OLD site. Pick up the phone, talk for 3 minutes, so, are you available for coffee Saturday? No? When can we meet for coffee, or maybe ice cream, or a happy hour, this week? You can't? Bye. Or you are available? Great, see you at 10 tomorrow. Looking forward to meeting you!
Anything else just seems silly.
It all depends on what day we started talking. If we are chatting on a thursday or friday and the person is not available that Saturday I don't want to just say BYE. I mean people have lives and I don't want to eliminate someone that fast who is my type. Now I would expect to meet the following week or weekend and not start talking on the phone all week. If we start talking on a monday and can't set anything up for the remainder of that week then I would agree then I would say BYE.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 7 days ago)
35,628 posts, read 17,961,729 times
Reputation: 50651
Quote:
Originally Posted by moneymkt
It all depends on what day we started talking. If we are chatting on a thursday or friday and the person is not available that Saturday I don't want to just say BYE. I mean people have lives and I don't want to eliminate someone that fast who is my type. Now I would expect to meet the following week or weekend and not start talking on the phone all week. If we start talking on a monday and can't set anything up for the remainder of that week then I would agree then I would say BYE.
No, absolutely you don't say bye if she's not available Saturday. That's not what I said.
BUT, IMHO, the first phone contact is to set up a face to face contact. Even if she says wow you've caught me at a weird time, I'm going on a 10 day cruise tomorrow with my girlfriends, then ok have fun, what does the week after you return look like? I'll call you after you return and we'll set up the time to get together.
To me, this is a little like advertising a piano for sale on Craigs list and then when you call to see it, they say wellll, I'm kind of busy keep on texting me about it.
(It's one thing if the phone call is such a turn off she is now uninterested in a relationship. At that point, it's time to say thanks so much for calling, I'm just not feeling a connection between us). This whole thing about texting and talking and waiting days between responding and I don't send a text if she hasn't responded to my last text yesterday just makes me want to claw my eyes out.
It's possible to make plans in advance, say for the next weekend, or maybe during the week for coffee or another quick meet up - which I believe should really be the first "date" anyway, to see if you even like each other and what they look like, and if you want to meet again and go on a real "date", before bothering with a big to-do for the first date. But people these days, are just like you - they're pretty much trying to line up a date for that weekend, or whenever they have time. That kind of stresses me out and puts me off, bc with my anxiety it takes a while to get ready and used to someone, plus it makes me think that they're not really interested in me, they just want a date. So if I'm not available for that date when they first ask, they just assume I'm not interested and try to go find someone else. Now, you can (and probably should!) date other people, but that doesn't mean you have to totally write off that one just bc they weren't available at first (I mean if she's interested...don't contact her. lol).
then ok have fun, what does the week after you return look like? I'll call you after you return and we'll set up the time to get together.
why can't guys just say something like "ok, well let me know when you'd like to go out." this seems like the easiest, bc it lets them know that they're interested, and whenever they're ready...this seems like it would be the least stressful, rather than hounding a girl to meet, or bc she hasn't responded and now you're nervous that she's forgotten about you or gotten annoyed or something. It should really all be up to her anyway, if she wants to go out, so I would think just letting her know you're interested should be enough. Of course, that doesn't mean you're necessarily going to be available if/whenever she does contact you, but the point is to get on with your life, talk to/date other people if you want, and if she reappears - well you can deal with that if/when the time comes - or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
This whole thing about texting and talking and waiting days between responding and I don't send a text if she hasn't responded to my last text yesterday just makes me want to claw my eyes out.
Well I won't let this happen again because I am suggesting a face to face meeting while we are chatting online
Sometimes if you wait too long to meet someone you can conger up a lot of expectations and ideas about a person, only to feel let down at the first meeting. Don’t become too mentally invested in a person until you meet them.
why can't guys just say something like "ok, well let me know when you'd like to go out." this seems like the easiest, bc it lets them know that they're interested, and whenever they're ready...this seems like it would be the least stressful, rather than hounding a girl to meet, or bc she hasn't responded and now you're nervous that she's forgotten about you or gotten annoyed or something. It should really all be up to her anyway, if she wants to go out, so I would think just letting her know you're interested should be enough. Of course, that doesn't mean you're necessarily going to be available if/whenever she does contact you, but the point is to get on with your life, talk to/date other people if you want, and if she reappears - well you can deal with that if/when the time comes - or not.
+1.
The reason that dating is so hard nowadays is because there are so many written and unwritten rules. Case-in-point; the VAST majority of women I know (>90%) and even on these threads would not go for a man saying, "ok, well let me know when you'd like to go out." Many would call the man indecisive and not taking the lead by throwing the ball back in her court. Now, I'm not saying that this is right or wrong. Just not recommended etiquette from what I've heard, so that is likely why a lot of guys can't just say that. Again, this is an example of where all the "rules" may impact simple (or preferred) communication.
The reason that dating is so hard nowadays is because there are so many written and unwritten rules. Case-in-point; the VAST majority of women I know (>90%) and even on these threads would not go for a man saying, "ok, well let me know when you'd like to go out." Many would call the man indecisive and not taking the lead by throwing the ball back in her court. Now, I'm not saying that this is right or wrong. Just not recommended etiquette from what I've heard, so that is likely why a lot of guys can't just say that. Again, this is an example of where all the "rules" may impact simple (or preferred) communication.
So saying...."ok let me know when your schedule frees up and give me a call" is a problem? lol
So saying...."ok let me know when your schedule frees up and give me a call" is a problem? lol
Wow
I would take that as you saying, "I'm done trying to work something out with you, Ms. Busy. Give me a call if you ever find the time."
If she's ALWAYS busy and can't agree to meet you on a certain day, it's probably not gonna work.
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