it's worthwhile to wait for it (boyfriend, girlfriend, how to, girl)

[AlexandraCris]

Hello! I have appealed to this forum because I really need some advice. Two months ago, my boyfriend and I split up. There was nothing in common, he just decided that one night. Why? It follows a very long story, so thank you in advance for your patience. I met him almost two years ago, I was just going to high school. I must mention that I am currently 17 years old, I hope I will not be judged for what I am going to tell. Returning, while I was in high school, I was with a boy for over a year, the relationship was great until I got to high school. He began to become very jealous and violent verbally, he began to control me. I was small and stupid, in love at the age of 15 and I just shut up. One evening, a colleague sent me a message asking me for a topic and then I started talking until he told me he liked me. Then I retreated and I said that it's okay to close the talks, because I can not stand another jealousy crisis from the one I was with and I did not say that a colleague likes me, I said if we do not move it makes sense to know too. I do not know how, but he found out. He started to become violent. He had begun to search through town for my colleague to "solve problems". I was scared, because my colleague had no blame that he liked me and just told me. I took his defense and so the current one started to think I like him too. He had begun to physically and mentally abuse me, and my colleague found out. He gave me a message again and in secret I started talking again. I was basically going to have two lives. My colleague started to like me more and I got attached to him while the current was getting worse with me. Time passed. Every night when I told to my boyfriend I was sleeping, I was talking to my colleague on the phone. He did not catch and never caught me, I was careful to wipe everything out of the phone. I felt nothing for him anymore. Just hate and the desire to get rid of him, but I could not because he threatened me and I was very scared of him. Meanwhile, my colleague supported me, listened to me, he was always beside me and so I fell in love with him, and he had loved me for a long time. Some time has passed, and the current one we hated left the country and broke any connection. Then I was the happiest person in the world, because I could be with the boy I love. Said and done. After nearly a year of talking in secret, we were together. Just as in the first week of relationship, being a sincere boy, he told me that two months ago, one night between colleagues, being drunk, he kissed a colleague who liked him and listened to him as he suffered after me and that he can not do anything to help me. I suffered a lot and I was disappointed, although I did not have a reason. I was with the obsessed boy during that time, and he kept a lot of me since then. I got over. At least I thought so. It's time again, and when we broke up we realized I had not been a good girlfriend. We have traumas from the old relationship. I was afraid of losing the same way with him and I was always bad, selfish, jealous, nervous and I always upset him, but he was still holding me and taking care of me. And I loved him, but without wanting or realizing I was doing stuff that hurt him. The relationship has been going on for 4 months until the girl who has been kissed has come to grips with it. For he was just a friend. But I had a different opinion and started to make ideas and to do more and more ugly in the relationship. That's until a bigger boy came from another volleyball class, and he said he seemed sympathetic. Knowing my boyfriend talking to that girl as a buddy, I said I can talk to this boyfriend as a buddy. I just wanted to make him a little jealous to give up that girl. It did not happen. My boyfriend started to be jealous and I did not accept. I offered to give up that girlfriend's friendship, and I'm not going to have a job with the other boy. In the first second he refused, that totally disappointed me, believing the girl meant more to him than I meant. I separated him at a moment of impulse and so. He began to cry, to pray for us and all the cutlery. She said she was giving up the girlfriend's friendship, just to get in touch. I kept myself alive and I did not want to, even though he really feels sorry. he said he was giving up that friendship with that girl, just to get us together. Besides, I said he was just a boy, and I could really get over and the volleyball boy seemed ok. I was mistaken believing I could go over. It's been a couple of days when I did not know what I was missing and that I was wrong. I searched for him and we started talking again and after a moment of sincerity and excuses we got together. It went like this for two more months until he decided to break away from me. Why? Because he could not pass over the fact that I separated him and talked to another (the volleyball boy). I complained so much after him that I did gastritis, I got to the hospital and I do not want to exaggerate. I'm not a depressed little girl for 13 years, but that's what happened. We do not eat any more because of the crying and so I ruined my stomach. There were evenings of crying and sorrow, but his feelings towards me had changed. He told me that in those two months after the break he felt he was not the same, but he tried. Worse? Three weeks after we split up, a girl who made her a sweet eye for a long time, she got along with him, and now I'm together. When I did one month after I split, they combined. Yesterday it's been two months since we're not together and has a relationship month with the other girl. The point is ... we talk every day. Every evening on the phone and daily through messages, and his girlfriend does not know. Twice we met, but his girlfriend did not know and we got close enough, he rightfully cheated her. But when he's with her he is calm and happt beacuse she's calm. He says just that he just likes me like a friend and loves her. and why, she is a calm and warm face that gives her all the peace that I have never offered her. I feel bad I have to hide them so much, but I can not give it up. Here comes my question: what do you advise me to do? I realized that I lost a wonderful, sincere, loving boy only because of the fear I had in my soul from the old relationship. I love him very much. It's been two months and a day and nothing has changed in my heart. He has always been with me and has been the only person in my life for a while, since my dad does not know him, and my mother has a good relationship at all. I do not know what to do. I want to wait for him, but I'm afraid we'll never be together and I'm waiting for nothing. I do not want to quit because I know I'm wrong and it's my fault for the most part. I try to change, not to make them crises, and not to cry anymore when we talk, not to be sober and jealous anymore, because I can even get angry at him and believe me, he is a very calm and patient man. After all, I have no right to crises and to be jealous, because she's with that girl, but I can not when I see them together, and I know it's just my fault.
Thank you if you've gotten here! Just do not judge me because of the age or mistakes I'm already aware of and that I can not fix now. I only need some advice and understanding, because if this boy disappears from my life, I do not know what I would do. I have a tremendous amount of time and I really want to be back together once. Thank you and sorry for writing mistakes. I do not know English too well. I used google translate

[snugglegirl05]

Please break up your post into paragraphs.

I cannot read you post the way it is.

This is just a wall of text that cannot be read without breaking it up into paragraphs.

[BirdieBelle]

TL,DR:

It's very difficult to read because she used Google Translate.

They are teenagers in some foreign country who keep overlapping with people and cheating on each other.

She thinks her BF finally ended things, but she can't imagine life without him. Yet she doesn't want to be judged for her age even though they all need to just grow up and learn how to treat people.