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How do you deal with unwanted setups? I have tried both options in my day and always found meetings as awkward as they are tedious. It’s not the person’s fault and I don’t blame them. The root of the problem is friends and family who can’t accept that I’m single and not looking and foist these people on me because they’re ‘trying to help.’ Er, no.
You deal with unwanted setups by telling them NOO. They only dont accept it because youre not forcing them to.
At some point you have to establish boundaries. You either look like the bad guy or keep being the people pleaser, pick one. You tell them if they set you up, youre going to stand the person up. Simple.
I don’t. I’m not a game player in the least. I am, however, too much my mother’s son and cannot be thought rude by letting people down. This, I suspect, is the only reason the old girl accepted my father’s proposal.
I just tell them no and refuse to budge under pressure.
I rather deal with the discomfort of being seen as "mean," rather than deal with the remorse of someone getting their hopes up and potentially developing feelings for me.
How do you deal with unwanted setups? I have tried both options in my day and always found meetings as awkward as they are tedious. It’s not the person’s fault and I don’t blame them. The root of the problem is friends and family who can’t accept that I’m single and not looking and foist these people on me because they’re ‘trying to help.’ Er, no.
So … who are you worried about "letting down"? Your mom?
You've made quite a strong stand here about being anti-relationship. Sounds like you need to do the same with the people who actually need to know you.
I don’t. I’m not a game player in the least. I am, however, too much my mother’s son and cannot be thought rude by letting people down. This, I suspect, is the only reason the old girl accepted my father’s proposal.
That’s hard for me, as well: “Be nice!” Do you have that hissing in your head? It’s distracting.
Do you socialize at all? If you kind of wish you could, but are short on friends, why not just accept the situation as a social activity? Maybe there’s a band or movie or restaurant you want to go to, it’s not really so awful to have someone to go with!
If the other person seems close to someone you might contact on, say, a dating site, i.e., cute in pictures and has some good qualities, why not give it a shot ? At east they're "vetted" by someone you know.
On this message board, it's not uncommon to hear "get away from OLD - try meeting prospective dates organically, at church or a club or a MeetUp group, or through friends". This is one opportunity/option.
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