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Did you only try Eharmony? I had zero luck there. Awful. I didn't really have a problem finding dates, but I definitely had a problem finding dates there. Try other sites. (Is OK Cupid still around? It takes some weeding through, but what doesn't?)
Ultimately, I wound up with someone I met on forums such as this at a special interest site, not a dating site. Would you be open to considering joining some online forums about issues that are important to you? At the least, it would be good conversation, maybe make some new friends, and you can do it in your pajamas. I loved having long, get to know you conversations online before meeting. It was a good filter for a number of my "must-haves."
Regarding social justice warrior, etc., like it or not there are code words in the online dating world. Confident=bitchy and passionate=annoying. Perhaps consider rewriting your profile to frame what you want to actually project, keeping this in mind. Also (and you may do this already, but it's just springing to mind), consider focusing not on what a catch you are, but about what you can offer.
Also, as much as I had no problem getting dates, and going on to more dates, I never, not once, "found" a date randomly from events or anything in person. Maybe that happens, but in my experience, if it's not through work or a friend, meeting Mr. Right out on the street only happens in the movies. So you're definitely not alone there.
Sailing not really my thing and not something I'm interested in. Kayaking definitely. There is no snow where I live so ski is not an option. I am surrounded by the most beautiful beaches so that is why I love the beach. I don't know why people keep using the word warrior. Crash course in human rights urgently needed.
If you want to meet while collar professionals, you need some activities that you can’t afford unless you’re a white collar professional.
On the warrior thing, most successful people don’t want to be constantly reminded of the advantages that enabled them to be successful.
Nothing is wrong with being independent, but the OP says she is independent and this doesn't seem to help her get a relationship.
I don't think independence is a trait that is going to sabotage you in dating unless you live in a society where it's frowned upon among women. I am very independent, done some dating, been in relationships and I've never experienced it as a negative. The men I've been involved with have mentioned they find it attractive.
It’s about CYA. It’s about making sure that not just is your conduct beyond reproach but that it is impossible for impermissible behavior to have occurred without being witnessed by others. It’s about maximizing deniability. Take the Kavanaugh situation. I’m not trying to argue one way or another, but that case was so divisive precisely because there was no way to prove either of their stories...it was literally a game of he said/she said. I have been accused of inappropriate behavior at work by someone who had an axe to grind against me. My career survived solely because the top-rung guy on my ladder is an older, unflappable guy with a lot of experience. He didn’t allow the passion and indignance of my accuser to sway him in his investigation of me, where a lot of people would have just fired me because it’s the easiest and least dangerous option these days, and I survived the investigation precisely because I take care to maximize my deniability in any situation. So, you’re damn right that I take utmost care to protect myself against unsubstantiable allegations from ANYONE I don’t trust.
This whole “Only rapists and stalkers need to worry about MeToo, so which are you?” schtick is highly insensitive to guys who are trying VERY hard to make sure they’re never in such a position that an assault is even thinkable, much less that they’d actually commit one.
I wasn't implying you have to be a rapist/assaulter of women because of your comment. I'm sorry to hear you've been falsely accused at work. I'm just pointing out that sane women are not going to be approached by a man looking for a date and start throwing false accusations around.
Last edited by Carly1983; 07-24-2019 at 05:49 AM..
Yes we are. The minute I tell my friends about meeting someone new, the first thing most ask is how does she look and where did you meet her. Her vocation is very irrelevant.
OP, 2 things I don't see people here talking about. One is your age, men like myself in their early 40's or higher that have themselves together in many cases prefer younger woman, preferably under 35. WHy.....they aren't jaded by the world or their experiences and still have their natural beauty.
See Michael Jordan, Alec Baldwin, Mel Gibson, and Eddie Murphy among others. I mean, i'm not doing THAT well, but I'm in position where I'm healthy, and financially sound enough that I don't need much from a woman other than good company.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-24-2019 at 10:11 AM..
Reason: Leave race out of the equation.
I don't think I am obsessed with anything, but it is worth to pretend to be someone else to get a date? I know where I stand and I have no problem expressing what I think. I am not lying or pretending. It has surprise in me in this thread that it is something like a shock to be someone interested in social justice and environmental movements. Actually I have had relationships with men who are like that too. I just don't believe opposites attract and I believe people in a relationship should have common views and and interests at least in things that are essential to their selves. I wonder, if they not how is it gonna work? What are they going to talk about?
Yes, you're right, it may be best to find someone who is as passionate about these issues as you are.
I once went on a date with a militant vegan who preached at me about food the whole time and seemed very angry, it was not fun. I just wanted to check you weren't browbeating potential dates in a similar way as that can put a whole swath of people off. I don't think there's anything wrong with mentioning your issue/cause on your profile if that's who you're looking to attract.
Yes we are. The minute I tell my friends about meeting someone new, the first thing most ask is how does she look and where did you meet her. Her vocation is very irrelevant.
OP, 2 things I don't see people here talking about. One is your age, men like myself in their early 40's or higher that have themselves together in many cases prefer younger woman, preferably under 35. WHy.....they aren't jaded by the world or their experiences and still have their natural beauty.
See Michael Jordan, Alec Baldwin, Mel Gibson, and Eddie Murphy among others. I mean, i'm not doing THAT well, but I'm in position where I'm healthy, and financially sound enough that I don't need much from a woman other than good company.
Two, what race/ethnicity are you? Are you a white female. If you look at polls and survey's white females are no longer at the top of the heap. White men in particular are turning to Asian and Latina woman. I would guess its due to the rash of feminism, seemingly anti-men movement that going on, all of the social justice stuff, and its known that white females, especially in larger Metro's have huge expectations compared to other groups.
Yes men are visual creatures but the rest of your post is pure projection and sounds like something you've copied and pasted from the manosphere. In my experience men are not uniformly looking for perfect beauty and youth. I'm a white woman "past her expiration date" to hear you speak, and have no problem with lack of interest (my problem is the opposite). I've got men in their 20s, 30s and 40s upwards messaging me. And I would say I am pretty jaded by life experience. Lol.
When I was in my early 20s and dating I did have men in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s try to date me but I was not wanting to date those men and found it creepy that someone old enough to be my dad thought they would be a suitable or compatible partner for a 20 something. I don't recall any of my friends the same age at that time wanting to date someone more than 5-7 years older than her. So yes some older men (the ones that fetishize youth) may have a preference for young women, but most young women I know are actually looking for someone their own age or slightly older.
Mod cut: orphaned.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-24-2019 at 10:11 AM..
Reason: Orphaned (reference to comment which has been deleted).
It's always been difficult for intelligent, highly educated women to find compatible men. Can't quote it right now, but I recall seeing a study that showed that this segment of women have the lowest rates of marriage. Men find them threatening to their egos.
If I were you, OP, I'd consider hanging back out at the local U again. Maybe another course or two in an area that men might be into- like geology or something. Or political science?? Maybe meet an unattached professor?
Yes we are. The minute I tell my friends about meeting someone new, the first thing most ask is how does she look and where did you meet her. Her vocation is very irrelevant.
OP, 2 things I don't see people here talking about. One is your age, men like myself in their early 40's or higher that have themselves together in many cases prefer younger woman, preferably under 35. WHy.....they aren't jaded by the world or their experiences and still have their natural beauty.
See Michael Jordan, Alec Baldwin, Mel Gibson, and Eddie Murphy among others. I mean, i'm not doing THAT well, but I'm in position where I'm healthy, and financially sound enough that I don't need much from a woman other than good company.
Two, what race/ethnicity are you? Are you a white female. If you look at polls and survey's white females are no longer at the top of the heap. White men in particular are turning to Asian and Latina woman. I would guess its due to the rash of feminism, seemingly anti-men movement that going on, all of the social justice stuff, and its known that white females, especially in larger Metro's have huge expectations compared to other groups.
Very well said. Mod cut.
Your point about wanting a younger woman because they aren't jaded is a great one. Yet another reason I prefer younger. Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-24-2019 at 10:13 AM..
Reason: Discussing forum moderation. Also an orphaned comment about race.
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I loved having long, get to know you conversations online before meeting. It was a good filter for a number of my "must-haves."