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Old 08-02-2019, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,552,431 times
Reputation: 39264

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
I'm a man. Reasonably attractive. I get 40 hits a day and go on a lot of dates. You know how many people I have ghosted in my life? Zilch. If I don't feel like having a relationship with them, I tell them politely. It's not hard. The risk of someone 'blowing up' on you is near nil.
Are you suggesting that men never ghost?

Maybe you don't. Fine. Please do not get it into your head that because you do something, or don't do something, that Team Man is on the up and up, and Team Woman is "garbage" (to use your term) that is where we get into trouble in threads like these.

RbccL is correct, some people do online dating in good faith, and have the consideration to say no politely rather than just flaking out. Some people are inconsiderate and a pain to interact with because they are flaky and/or confusing. Many people of any gender find online dating to be frustrating for one reason or another. Neither men, nor women, have the right to point a finger and say, "My experience would be better if only YOU ALL would act right!!"...well...either no one has that right, or we all do.

Whatever.
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Old 08-02-2019, 01:53 PM
 
Location: Illinois
3,208 posts, read 3,511,407 times
Reputation: 4245
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
Are you suggesting that men never ghost?

Maybe you don't. Fine. Please do not get it into your head that because you do something, or don't do something, that Team Man is on the up and up, and Team Woman is "garbage" (to use your term) that is where we get into trouble in threads like these.

RbccL is correct, some people do online dating in good faith, and have the consideration to say no politely rather than just flaking out. Some people are inconsiderate and a pain to interact with because they are flaky and/or confusing. Many people of any gender find online dating to be frustrating for one reason or another. Neither men, nor women, have the right to point a finger and say, "My experience would be better if only YOU ALL would act right!!"...well...either no one has that right, or we all do.

Whatever.
They do, but it's definitely disproportionately women. No doubt about it. Men complain about ghosting a lot more because it happens to them a lot more. In my experience in both friendships and relationships, I've only had one man ghost me, and he was a weirdo 40-something gay man who I had no interest in being friends with anyway. Women? There are far too many to count.

I said that men have to sift through a lot of garbage on OLD. The number of bots, gold-diggers, green card seekers, and flakes is astounding. You don't even want to know how many times this has played out in the past two weeks alone.
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Old 08-02-2019, 02:02 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,158,830 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
They do, but it's definitely disproportionately women.
And you know this because you seek men and women equally?

Quote:
No doubt about it. Men complain
Haaaaaa. Men complain a lot more.

Being more serious. I am inclined to believe that women ghost more often. But I understand why. Most of us have gotten the 3rd (to the 15th) degree for turning down politely enough times not to go through with that. We get a vibe that the guy might be a touch weird, and poof. Gone.
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Old 08-02-2019, 02:21 PM
 
236 posts, read 127,226 times
Reputation: 476
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
They do, but it's definitely disproportionately women. No doubt about it. Men complain about ghosting a lot more because it happens to them a lot more.
You say this as if it is a documented FACT when, in truth, it's only your personal experience (and your friends'). The only way you could possibly get more perspective on ghosting, is for you to date BOTH WOMEN AND MEN FOR SEVERAL YEARS and see who ghosts the most. If you have never done this and aren't bi, you can't possibly make rhe above claim. And, even if you have dated both it's only one experience out of millions.

My point is, if you step outside of the arguing and rebuttals, you'll find that no one "team" is really all that blameless. We're all just ppl, and ppl suck sometimes.
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Old 08-02-2019, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Illinois
3,208 posts, read 3,511,407 times
Reputation: 4245
I think it's very convenient for women to deny that women ghost more, play hard to get, or demand to be chased. All of that is deeply ingrained in the dating culture. There is no reason for women to do any of this. I also think it is convenient for some of you on this thread to set up a man vs woman narrative when that was not what I was doing. The OP is a woman and asked why a man was doing this. I tried offering up a possible explanation. They set the stage for a male/female dynamic.

Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
We get a vibe that the guy might be a touch weird, and poof. Gone.
Heaven forbid you take 30 seconds of your time to tell the guy that you aren't feeling it.
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Old 08-02-2019, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
4,038 posts, read 2,698,890 times
Reputation: 8479
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
I think it's very convenient for women to deny that women ghost more, play hard to get, or demand to be chased. All of that is deeply ingrained in the dating culture. There is no reason for women to do any of this. I also think it is convenient for some of you on this thread to set up a man vs woman narrative when that was not what I was doing. The OP is a woman and asked why a man was doing this. I tried offering up a possible explanation. They set the stage for a male/female dynamic.



Heaven forbid you take 30 seconds of your time to tell the guy that you aren't feeling it.
And Heaven forbid we do, and the man still insists and won't let up. It happens a lot.

We all have our own experiences, but those individual experiences don't make them universal facts.
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Old 08-02-2019, 03:43 PM
 
Location: UK
1,153 posts, read 564,671 times
Reputation: 2027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
They do, but it's definitely disproportionately women. No doubt about it. Men complain about ghosting a lot more because it happens to them a lot more. In my experience in both friendships and relationships, I've only had one man ghost me, and he was a weirdo 40-something gay man who I had no interest in being friends with anyway. Women? There are far too many to count.

I said that men have to sift through a lot of garbage on OLD. The number of bots, gold-diggers, green card seekers, and flakes is astounding. You don't even want to know how many times this has played out in the past two weeks alone.
How do you know that women do it more than men? Have you ever tried dating men?
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Old 08-02-2019, 03:45 PM
 
Location: UK
1,153 posts, read 564,671 times
Reputation: 2027
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiruko View Post
They do, but it's definitely disproportionately women. No doubt about it. Men complain about ghosting a lot more because it happens to them a lot more.
Or it could just be that the men you know whine a lot or feel entitled to certain treatment. The women might just shrug and move on from the ghosting.

I do think you're gender bashing.
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Old 08-02-2019, 03:46 PM
 
2,483 posts, read 2,466,334 times
Reputation: 3353
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlj1225 View Post
And Heaven forbid we do, and the man still insists and won't let up. It happens a lot.

We all have our own experiences, but those individual experiences don't make them universal facts.
I agree. Ideally you would wish you could. But I've seen too many times people not taking no for answer. Although I have seen it twice where it was woman, the majority were men who for whatever reason got dramatic and nasty.
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Old 08-02-2019, 03:52 PM
 
Location: UK
1,153 posts, read 564,671 times
Reputation: 2027
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post

Being more serious. I am inclined to believe that women ghost more often. But I understand why. Most of us have gotten the 3rd (to the 15th) degree for turning down politely enough times not to go through with that. We get a vibe that the guy might be a touch weird, and poof. Gone.
That's a good point. I went on a date with a guy this week. I write on my dating profile I don't hook up on a first date or do anything else as I like to take my time to get to know someone.

We had a nice time together. Towards the end of the date, he was walking me back to my car (this was in a city I didn't know, I couldn't find my way back to where my car was parked because my Google maps kept crashing, so he kindly offered to let me use his and walked with me.) He asked for a kiss. I said no I'm not sure if I want to do that. He proceeded to ask, and ask, and ask and convince, and guilt trip, whine and be an absolute as***le about it for the whole 15 mins of us walking back to my car.

If I could have ghosted him, I would have but I didn't know where I was and my GPS wasn't working.

If women ghost it might also be because they've probably encountered sh**ty behaviour and want to cut off any possibility of that happening.
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