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She's the jealous type, so I totally understand her. As a delicate soul that she is, I should've taken care of her instead of making such a terrible mistake and ultimately hurting her. And that is the thing, I really wanted to take care of her.
Your age difference is not the problem, but your overall thought pattern towards this situation. What concerns me most about this thread and your posts contained within is your paternalistic "I will teach, protect, and introduce this "girl" (not woman, which is a telling choice of word) to so much" attitude.
It also greatly bothers me that you don't trust her to know her own mind and her right to her own autonomy in regards to her decision making process. Blowing up her phone and obsessing about this person who you've only known (off and on, mind) since January is not the act of a mature, rational human being.
You also need to keep some separation between your daughters and your casual dating life, in my opinion. You've only been on a handful of dates with this young woman and never became an exclusive couple. There was no reason for them to be aware of her existence in the first place.
I've been this young woman's age and I dated older guys like you on occasion, but only could only tolerate them for so long as their emotional development was often either stunted in some way or they could not handle the way that women within their own age group could quickly suss their bulls**ttery in a way that a younger woman could not. Often, they sought out the shyer, quiet young women as they tend to not have the savvy with the opposite sex that the more outgoing girls who have dated a decent bit have as a matter of course.
Forget the flowers--leave this girl alone and move on. If she's meant to be in your life, let her approach you (although I hope that she moves on, to be honest.)
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 07-27-2019 at 06:19 PM..
[Snip.] I just suck at relationships, and I don't really have a great support system, never had. I'm pretty much a lone wolf and never had a fatherly figure who could at least teach me the basics about how a man should be. I also suffer from social anxiety to top it off.
That's the thing though, my intentions with her are pure, sincere, and serious. I want to build a relationship with her. It was just a stupid mistake that flushed that down the drain I guess...
Yu don't get it, she shouldn't be in a relationship with you she has her whole life ahead of her to explore the world, go to college, start a career. She needs to be independent before she gets another dad. Do you really think her parents would even approve of you? Not to mention, your teen daughter will be humiliated, and it doesn't seem like you are even considering her feelings.
It's not the age gap. If she were 27 and you were 44 I don't think it would be weird at all, but 35 and 18 is weird. She's still 3 years from being allowed to buy beer and 7 from being able to buy cigarettes. She;s going to be a different person with different goals in 3 years, and 5 and 7. That's is how it should be.
The person who said it's predatory to keep hounding this teenager after she told you her feelings is correct. You don't care about her, you just want her and don't care how it affects her life or your children's. You aren't respecting her feelings. You're being selfish and disrespectful.
No, my daughter has not started dating but she has said it is embarrassing that I am dating an 18-year-old and that she (the girl) probably is not fully matured mentally and that she (the girl) doesn't know exactly what she wants in life yet and that I'm better off dating a girl my age. The thing is I'm not actively seeking these young girls out, I am open to dating women my age it just coincidental that I have developed friendships and then more with these girls who happen to be younger.
Why in the world would you tell your daughter about your dates especially when they are practically her age? Are you grooming her so it won't be so weird for her if you date her friends in a year or two?
[Snip.] I just suck at relationships, and I don't really have a great support system, never had. I'm pretty much a lone wolf and never had a fatherly figure who could at least teach me the basics about how a man should be. I also suffer from social anxiety to top it off.
You don't need a father to tell you its creepy to involve your daughter in your dating life when she is so close in age to your date.
My oldest daughter is 14, so I understand your point. This girl is mature though. I guess it just wasn't meant to be? It hurts a lot though, almost as much as when I divorced my ex-wife if not the same.
You're pining over someone who, according to her age, is more suited as a friend for your child than a romantic partner. You went out with this girl a few times, and now you're as broken up as when you got divorced? Wow. Let me guess, she's "hot" (or you think she is 'cause you wanna get you some of that young [bleep]), and that's why you can't get over her...
And yes, sometimes when something "just isn't meant to be," it hurts. That's life and you say "that's too bad" and move on. At 35 you probably should have learned this already.
Quote:
Originally Posted by socal225
Is it wrong to lay my heart bare? At least so I do not make that same mistake in the future.
If you came across as needy or desperate? Yes. The most "bareness" you needed was, "I'm sorry, I screwed up, I want this to work, will you give me another chance?" Anything more than that is too much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by socal225
So what if I end up winning her back? What would you say then? Why must everyone here always be so negative? I thought we were supposed to offer support and encouragement.
We're "supporting" you to grow up and "encouraging" you to let it go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100
Not when that person has said "no". Do you know what "no" means? It does not mean "send me flowers".
This. OP, you "fight" for someone who wants to be with you. You don't fight the person you want to be with to try to convince them they should want to be with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by socal225
Personally speaking, I don't actively seek out younger women, it's just that that is the age group I come across the most.
You don't have a job? You don't have hobbies that include people your own age? I'm not going to ask why but you might want to think about it.
I have some hobbies where I meet people in their 80s, and people in their early teens or even younger. Doesn't mean I have to or want to date any of them. There are ways to seek out friends your own age.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-28-2019 at 09:24 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
Why in the world would you tell your daughter about your dates especially when they are practically her age? Are you grooming her so it won't be so weird for her if you date her friends in a year or two?
Quote:
Originally Posted by SVTLightning
You don't need a father to tell you its creepy to involve your daughter in your dating life when she is so close in age to your date.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
You're pining over someone who, according to her age, is more suited as a friend for your child than a romantic partner. You went out with this girl a few times, and now you're as broken up as when you got divorced? Wow. Let me guess, she's "hot" (or you think she is 'cause you wanna get you some of that young [Snip.]), and that's why you can't get over her...
And yes, sometimes when something "just isn't meant to be," it hurts. That's life and you say "that's too bad" and move on. At 35 you probably should have learned this already.
If you came across as needy or desperate? Yes. The most "bareness" you needed was, "I'm sorry, I screwed up, I want this to work, will you give me another chance?" Anything more than that is too much.
We're "supporting" you to grow up and "encouraging" you to let it go.
This. OP, you "fight" for someone who wants to be with you. You don't fight the person you want to be with to try to convince them they should want to be with you.
You don't have a job? You don't have hobbies that include people your own age? I'm not going to ask why but you might want to think about it.
I have some hobbies where I meet people in their 80s, and people in their early teens or even younger. Doesn't mean I have to or want to date any of them. There are ways to seek out friends your own age.
Amen to all of the above.
Do you not have a job? How can you be a father and going to college for the next 5+ years???
The whole thing is creepy. Stop dating kids. Raise your daughters & get your life together.
You've already blown up her phone twice, and bombarded her with emotional confessionals, laying your heart bare, and so forth. "No" means no. Most parents near your age, of teenagers give their kids the advice "S/he's not the only fish in the sea". Good advice. You're behaving like a teenager. Accept reality and move on.
Why shouldn't he behave like a teenager? He's trying to date one!
Seriously, OP, leave this poor girl alone.
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