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Women with disabilities, autism, etc will generally have no issues in terms of dating as long as you don't let yourself go
Men with disabilities, autism, etc are in a much tougher situation.
Men tend to date anyone as long as the person is good and they connect well with them
Women tend to have more rigid standards, and disabilities are a big sign of weakness to them
Women with disabilities, autism, etc will generally have no issues in terms of dating as long as you don't let yourself go
Men with disabilities, autism, etc are in a much tougher situation.
Men tend to date anyone as long as the person is good and they connect well with them
Women tend to have more rigid standards, and disabilities are a big sign of weakness to them
That's actually not true. In many studies men are more likely to leave a disabled or sick spouse than a woman is (same thing with jail, men don't wait while women do at much higher numbers).
I think part of the issue, at lease from when I was dating, is that guys tend to be less upfront about having a problem while women will let it be known from the get go. I would also bet however if you polled women with disabilities you would find they have just as hard a time dating as you do.
I think it also depends on the disability and the type of woman. I think "soft" disabilities are more difficult than, say, the loss of a leg, especially if the person isn't upfront about it, because often the person just comes off as odd and not disabled.
But the type of person, too. Amy Schumer didn't care that her husband was odd because she has a sense of humor that suits being with someone odd...i.e. she is kind of weird herself. If he set his sights on J-Lo it might not have worked out the same way. I think women are more likely to date men who they feel suit them well, while men still choose the prettiest girl they think they can get.
That's actually not true. In many studies men are more likely to leave a disabled or sick spouse than a woman is (same thing with jail, men don't wait while women do at much higher numbers).
I think part of the issue, at lease from when I was dating, is that guys tend to be less upfront about having a problem while women will let it be known from the get go. I would also bet however if you polled women with disabilities you would find they have just as hard a time dating as you do.
I think it also depends on the disability and the type of woman. I think "soft" disabilities are more difficult than, say, the loss of a leg, especially if the person isn't upfront about it, because often the person just comes off as odd and not disabled.
But the type of person, too. Amy Schumer didn't care that her husband was odd because she has a sense of humor that suits being with someone odd...i.e. she is kind of weird herself. If he set his sights on J-Lo it might not have worked out the same way. I think women are more likely to date men who they feel suit them well, while men still choose the prettiest girl they think they can get.
Also, I could be wrong but when guys are with a girl with a disability it seems more likely that its because he fetishizes that disability.
I've seen this especially with psychological disorders, guys who have a thing for borderline, bipolar, dissociative identity, or autistic women. The desire to control is a factor, and they think these women will be easier to control.
There may be women who fetishize as well, but the impression is women are ususlly more compassionate, nurturing. The attraction is more likely to come from that than wanting to control someone perceived as weaker.
Women with disabilities, autism, etc will generally have no issues in terms of dating as long as you don't let yourself go
Men with disabilities, autism, etc are in a much tougher situation.
Men tend to date anyone as long as the person is good and they connect well with them
Women tend to have more rigid standards, and disabilities are a big sign of weakness to them
I'm not so sure. You may see both genders seem more picky on OLD because I think things can be more impersonal and checklist on there. But reflecting on the old saying "good guys" finish last, I think half are women.
Honey, there are women dating alcoholics, deadbeats, losers and abusers. So yeah autistic people have a chance, as long as they bring something to the table.
I’m fairly new to all this & it’s why I’m here. I’m dating a man with Asperger’s & I’m trying to glean more from people who actually have’ it as reading medical & such journals is so not helpful At All!
I’m frankly fascinated by him. He is by far the Most sensual man I’ve ever known. That may not be some thing you hear every day but it’s the truth. He kind, honest (luv the bluntness), super intelligent & interesting; we laugh together all the time ~ I’m so far just not seeing a down side.
I am a highly independent self-sufficient woman who has previously been married twice & have 4 adult children who are incredibly successful. I Say that only so you can get a sense of who I am in the world.
Men tend to date anyone as long as the person is good and they connect well with them
Women tend to have more rigid standards, and disabilities are a big sign of weakness to them
K~ so I’m just not seeing Asperger’s as a ‘disability’ and definitely not a weakness.
Am I just fooling myself?
That's actually not true. In many studies men are more likely to leave a disabled or sick spouse than a woman is (same thing with jail, men don't wait while women do at much higher numbers).
I think part of the issue, at lease from when I was dating, is that guys tend to be less upfront about having a problem while women will let it be known from the get go. I would also bet however if you polled women with disabilities you would find they have just as hard a time dating as you do.
I think it also depends on the disability and the type of woman. I think "soft" disabilities are more difficult than, say, the loss of a leg, especially if the person isn't upfront about it, because often the person just comes off as odd and not disabled.
But the type of person, too. Amy Schumer didn't care that her husband was odd because she has a sense of humor that suits being with someone odd...i.e. she is kind of weird herself. If he set his sights on J-Lo it might not have worked out the same way. I think women are more likely to date men who they feel suit them well, while men still choose the prettiest girl they think they can get.
Agree completely. More than one man has rejected me because I have health issues in later life. They see the pretty face and figure and when they find out they'll have to actually be more selfless than they were counting on, they bail. Woman are much more likely to hang in there with compromised men, as I did with a couple of past relationships with people who were far more compromised than myself.
K~ so I’m just not seeing Asperger’s as a ‘disability’ and definitely not a weakness.
Am I just fooling myself?
Asperger's in a partner will eventually present you with repetitive, rigid, intractable interpersonal patterns that will drive you crazy. And they're not inconsequential. For example, people on the spectrum have deficits in understanding another's point of view. They'll rigidly insist that their view is the right view. The inability to 'feel into' another's POV also translates to a kind of clueless lack of empathy. It's not malignant, as is the case with a narcissist or a sociopath, but it still ends up hurting. We all go through rough patches in life, and a person on the spectrum is not well equipped to catch you emotionally as you stumble. This can leave you feeling bereft and abandoned if you're in a place of need.
The lack of emotional flexibility also makes the person on the spectrum a bit childlike, and again, it's not cute in the long run. As the non-autistic partner, you end up filling in that gap for him, and it's very draining, since he is not able to return that support in kind. My first hubs was on the spectrum, and I felt thoroughly wrung out after a few years. I was always reassuring, putting things into perspective for him, explaining why somebody might have had the reaction they did, walking him through interactions with people he found aggravating... and there were always plenty of people he found aggravating because of his rigidity.
All of this I was even willing to work with, except he'd kill my motivation by also being completely unable to acknowledge that he needed support. The icing on the cake was the arrogance, which unfortunately people with Asperger's frequently carry, because they're typically smart (my first hubs was very, very smart). What they don't seem to get is that being smart is not the most important and overriding personal asset.
Asperger's in a partner will eventually present you with repetitive, rigid, intractable interpersonal patterns that will drive you crazy. And they're not inconsequential. For example, people on the spectrum have deficits in understanding another's point of view. They'll rigidly insist that their view is the right view. The inability to 'feel into' another's POV also translates to a kind of clueless lack of empathy. It's not malignant, as is the case with a narcissist or a sociopath, but it still ends up hurting. We all go through rough patches in life, and a person on the spectrum is not well equipped to catch you emotionally as you stumble. This can leave you feeling bereft and abandoned if you're in a place of need.
This describes my friend's first marriage. Once their younger son was school age, she got a divorce. It turned out he was cheating on her, too, but the hardest part for her was the part I boldface above.
On the other hand, another friend's son has autism and his marriage is fine from what my friend says. She is close with her daughter-in-law, so I trust what she says.
As with all relationships, it really depends on the people involved.
Asperger's in a partner will eventually present you with repetitive, rigid, intractable interpersonal patterns that will drive you crazy. And they're not inconsequential. For example, people on the spectrum have deficits in understanding another's point of view. They'll rigidly insist that their view is the right view. The inability to 'feel into' another's POV also translates to a kind of clueless lack of empathy. It's not malignant, as is the case with a narcissist or a sociopath, but it still ends up hurting. We all go through rough patches in life, and a person on the spectrum is not well equipped to catch you emotionally as you stumble. This can leave you feeling bereft and abandoned if you're in a place of need.
The lack of emotional flexibility also makes the person on the spectrum a bit childlike, and again, it's not cute in the long run. As the non-autistic partner, you end up filling in that gap for him, and it's very draining, since he is not able to return that support in kind. My first hubs was on the spectrum, and I felt thoroughly wrung out after a few years. I was always reassuring, putting things into perspective for him, explaining why somebody might have had the reaction they did, walking him through interactions with people he found aggravating... and there were always plenty of people he found aggravating because of his rigidity.
All of this I was even willing to work with, except he'd kill my motivation by also being completely unable to acknowledge that he needed support. The icing on the cake was the arrogance, which unfortunately people with Asperger's frequently carry, because they're typically smart (my first hubs was very, very smart). What they don't seem to get is that being smart is not the most important and overriding personal asset.
Yes Amy Shumer didn’t know about her husband being on the spectrum ( he didn’t either) until an early date, where she tripped on the sidewalk and fell flat on her face. She looked up at her date expecting him to extend a hand, help her up, exclaim concern of whether she was hurt…but instead he was just staring down at her, frozen. It’s much funnier when she tells it, because she tells the story as part of her stand up act “Growing”. She joked about how literal he is (hint…don’t ask someone on the spectrum if you look fat in this outfit). I think her unique sense of humor made them a good fit.
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Dating a man with Autism
