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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthisle
They were interested when they swiped right and when they messaged. But they are not interested in meeting in person
And not one of them is interested.
That is a big deal.
It means online dating is a waste of time for the vast majority of people!
Um, they were initially interested (based on pics) and after communicating they weren't. Happens all the time. As I said earlier in this thread, I probably actually get interested in meeting maybe 1 in 20 women I actually communicate with (and actually I bet the number is much less). After chatting a little I lose interest when I realize they're not my type. The pics aren't enough to want to meet someone. Like I'm going to be like, hmmn, she seems boring, or her life is so vastly different from mine, or her values don't align with mine, or she can't converse via the written word worth a damn... but hey, she physically looks good, I want to meet her! No no no no, nope. Doesn't work like that.
They were interested when they swiped right and when they messaged. But they are not interested in meeting in person
And not one of them is interested.
That is a big deal.
It means online dating is a waste of time for the vast majority of people! That's the whole point of this thread, whether it's convenient, and if it's just a useless game then it's not convenient
They were interested, and go "Oh , look someone even cuter than this guy!" and moved on. lol
Ha! Smooove. Or when you didn’t notice the age, you’re answering a pretty face, and he says: “So you like younger guys, hey? See how old I am?” Like you’re going to look at his age and hear Barry White in the background: “Oooh yeeeeahhh....”
I am unable to rep you again. But LMAO!!!
And now I am singing Barry, in his voice. Which is insanity at its best
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
They were interested, and go "Oh , look someone even cuter than this guy!" and moved on. lol
It's like you don't know real people. Seriously. Pics are just the entry. They are not enough for people to want to meet someone. Good looking people are a dime a dozen. Most people I know don't care how cute someone is if they open their mouth (or type) something that turns them off or makes it clear they're not a match. That has been the case forever, IRL and with OLD. If people just want to get ____, which is fine, then yeah, they may (or may not) treat it differently.
I have heard this said, and it's just stating the obvious, but they say it as if it was a major benefit of online dating, but at the same time, it's a blessing and a curse.
Personally, I'd like to meet someone in real life, because at least they can't ignore you or hit the delete key.
But I have and do ignore and reject advances and cold approach in “real life.” That’s called “not interested.” I wasn’t receptive to this approach, so my immediate reaction was not interested.
Quote:
There are many facets that are missing with online dating like body language, inflexion, tone, eye contact. Some people have actually turned down those online that they would have otherwise been compatible with HAD they met that same person...in a real life social setting.
That’s what meeting in-person is for. Once you establish baseline interest or compatibility, since this is a priority for many people, then you can assess chemistry and so forth. Chemistry, body language, warm fuzzy feelings, good vibes, do not make for compatibility. You can have all of those things and it go nowhere because there’s a lack of genuine compatibility.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
For me, that is the huge advantage of online dating. You can meet people you wouldn't get a chance to otherwise in your day to day life. If someone stops doing OLD they will shrink their available dating pool drastically.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Yup. I would never have met my partner just doing my daily activities. Never. I probably would never have met the vast majority of people I've dated from OLD, even though I live in a small city and they lived within a mile or two, in five to ten years of going out and living life. It just would not have happened. I think back to my dating in the 90s, the long gaps, the randomness, and that was me in my 20s going out 6 nights a week to events, shows, parties, concerts, etc and having a big social group in a college town. Never mind the poorly matched people. Yeah, there was chemistry and they were good people, but we weren't well matched. The quality of compatibility I have experienced with OLD compared to then... its no contest. None. Yeah, that means my tolerance for bad matches has declined and my expectations have increase. That's freaking awesome. I expect more and get more. So do they. It's a win win.
Ditto. I wouldn’t have ever crossed paths with the men I met on dating sites just by going about my usual daily routines and activities. I met my highest, most compatible matches on OKC, and met several good matches on PoF. Between ‘11-14, OKC was a fantastic tool to screen and filter according to my criteria and it was highly effective and efficient. No pointless meeting in-person and wasting everyone’s time going on multiple dates when you discover inherent incompatibilities that could have been apparent from the get-go with the tools available on dating sites. Because that’s what it ultimately is. A waste of time. It wouldn’t have mattered how we vibe or the inviting body language and chemistry if there were non-starters that don’t come out until several dates in. I wouldn’t have overlooked those dealbreakers because “we met ‘organically’ and have good chemistry.” I think too many people find themselves in these situations, but due to the investment in the relationship, they’re apprehensive to leave, despite the incompatibilities. I see it all the time.
Um, they were initially interested (based on pics) and after communicating they weren't. Happens all the time. As I said earlier in this thread, I probably actually get interested in meeting maybe 1 in 20 women I actually communicate with (and actually I bet the number is much less). After chatting a little I lose interest when I realize they're not my type. The pics aren't enough to want to meet someone. Like I'm going to be like, hmmn, she seems boring, or her life is so vastly different from mine, or her values don't align with mine, or she can't converse via the written word worth a damn... but hey, she physically looks good, I want to meet her! No no no no, nope. Doesn't work like that.
Exactly. Initial interest does not mean there’s enough interest to take it further, and perhaps after exchanging messages you realize it’s not a good fit. How is this different if one were to meet someone at a club or party and start talking and hitting it off, but later on they’re seen leaving with someone else? That happens all the time.
All this whining is silly. No one is entitled to another’s attention, interest, investment, etc. Whether you cross paths on a dating site, on a forum, at a singles mixer, a party, concert, club, or whatever.
I may have ‘liked’ a profile and sent a message, but then someone else popped up in my inbox or I received a response from someone that would turn out to be a better match. This happened numerous times when I explored the dating scene. It happened when I met my husband. I sent out and exchanged messages with others right around the time I came across my husband’s profile and sent him a message. He was, in every sense, my best match. He popped up at the top of my searches, a 99% match, and we connected immediately. I didn’t entertain other interests once mutual interest was established.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
They were interested, and go "Oh , look someone even cuter than this guy!" and moved on. lol
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,069,146 times
Reputation: 4478
I don't know, when I think about things that made me initially attracted to a girl when I was younger, or even when I met my wife, I would have no idea how that can be replicated online?
The way she looked at me, the smile, how she walked, the way she interacted with me in this playful manner, and this is all before we said a word to each other.
How does that primal desire translate online? Isn't that initial sexual chemistry required to move further along the "process"?
I don't understand this "debate" about OLD.....I really don't. It's not even a debate really, it's just people complaining over and over about the same struggles everybody has with dating. Same ish...different day. If you don't like it or don't believe in it, don't do it. People who don't like something or have no interest in something, don't feel the need to constantly talk about it. It's like a vegan going to a cookout and purposely ignoring the veggie/vegan table, to complain about all the meat that's there. It makes zero sense......especially since the guy who started the thread is MARRIED......what the fudge?
I don't participate in OLD, but I understand why other people would. It just works for them, why can't it just be left at that?
They were interested when they swiped right and when they messaged. But they are not interested in meeting in person
And not one of them is interested.
That is a big deal.
It means online dating is a waste of time for the vast majority of people! That's the whole point of this thread, whether it's convenient, and if it's just a useless game then it's not convenient
Many people are likely just hobby swiping online profiles. A person sees a relatively attractive person’s profile and swipes right, thinking the person looks ok enough or seems interesting enough to warrant a swipe, but doesn’t necessarily appeal enough to elicit a more thought out and detailed message or response. Perhaps a few introductory words or some initial nicety is exchanged, but nothing too in-depth or meaningful. The dating apps make it too easy to view others in a sort of cavalier way; the enormous online dating pool provides so many potential options that it reduces the chance that any one person will be seriously considered or entertained as a viable prospect.
I get messages here and there from females who are interested enough to make first contact and send a message but who then become rather unengaging soon thereafter. The initial message may be a few lines of introduction and/or pleasantry, but the follow-up messages often consist of a few words, maybe a short sentence, and that’s it. I don’t know if that is normal or expected, but I find it odd that the person who initially makes contact isn’t more engaging. If I directly message someone, I take the lead in initiating conversation.
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