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Old 10-11-2019, 11:03 AM
 
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,061,165 times
Reputation: 4478

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
I don't understand this "debate" about OLD.....I really don't. It's not even a debate really, it's just people complaining over and over about the same struggles everybody has with dating. Same ish...different day. If you don't like it or don't believe in it, don't do it. People who don't like something or have no interest in something, don't feel the need to constantly talk about it. It's like a vegan going to a cookout and purposely ignoring the veggie/vegan table, to complain about all the meat that's there. It makes zero sense......especially since the guy who started the thread is MARRIED......what the fudge?

I don't participate in OLD, but I understand why other people would. It just works for them, why can't it just be left at that?

Jeez......
I don't think it works.....all that well. It gives people false sense of security and it's a classic case of the paradox of choice.

Just because something is convenient and easy, it doesn't mean it's necessarily more effective.

And, furthermore, aren't these forums useful for a debate? If you don't find the debate useful to you, you could do the same thing you advise people who complain about online dating; don't participate.

 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:11 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD View Post
I don't know, when I think about things that made me initially attracted to a girl when I was younger, or even when I met my wife, I would have no idea how that can be replicated online?

The way she looked at me, the smile, how she walked, the way she interacted with me in this playful manner, and this is all before we said a word to each other.

How does that primal desire translate online? Isn't that initial sexual chemistry required to move further along the "process"?

That's why you actually meet. Once you meet, it is no different than it ever has been.
The online is just the first step. That's it. The benefit is huge in that, I had many a IRL meeting with people where I had that instant chemistry and woah.... a month (or whatever) later I found out about a really big deal breaker that chemistry can't overcome. With many of the online systems, I could have weeded that person out before ever meeting. Total win.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34 View Post
Many people are likely just hobby swiping online profiles. A person sees a relatively attractive person’s profile and swipes right, thinking the person looks ok enough or seems interesting enough to warrant a swipe, but doesn’t necessarily appeal enough to elicit a more thought out and detailed message or response. Perhaps a few introductory words or some initial nicety is exchanged, but nothing too in-depth or meaningful. The dating apps make it too easy to view others in a sort of cavalier way; the enormous online dating pool provides so many potential options that it reduces the chance that any one person will be seriously considered or entertained as a viable prospect.
Sounds just like people going out and getting phone numbers and never calling or never having any intention of calling. Or people just going out to wherever and flirting to have fun. Happened all the time pre internet. Still happens now. It's nothing new.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:15 AM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,843,183 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD View Post
I don't think it works.....all that well. It gives people false sense of security and it's a classic case of the paradox of choice.

Just because something is convenient and easy, it doesn't mean it's necessarily more effective.

And, furthermore, aren't these forums useful for a debate? If you don't find the debate useful to you, you could do the same thing you advise people who complain about online dating; don't participate.
It's more effective than working from home, having everything including my cat litter delivered to the lobby. I go out occasionally with 1 of 2 friends, and I'm concentrating on catching up with them at the time.

I suppose I can meet people at the gas station...a bit of hyperbole yes, but do you really not see how OLD is way more effective for some? I think it's an amazing and effective tool and I have met some Tools, but hey--it's all good in the end, I like people. If I didn't like it I wouldn't be here at every opportunity expressing my dislike of it.

Lots of things I don't like! I don't need to prove why. It's like a constant reassurance some need. Like Auraliea advised: Ok, don't like it don't do it....???
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:16 AM
 
Location: Phoenix, AZ
20,328 posts, read 14,552,431 times
Reputation: 39264
I didn't read all of this thread, so I don't know if this has been mentioned... One thing about OLD that I consider a positive point, is that there are personality traits that most people do not reveal in person, that they will sometimes reveal online. I don't know how many friends I've made in person that I really liked, and then we wind up connected on social media, and they let some really ugly stuff hang out and I'm like "Well then." See them at social events, they're awesome. See them online, they are trolls or drama queens or sound like morons with the way they write or the things they say. I tend to think that I'm pretty much the same person online as I am in person, except in situations like work where I must have some filters. It amazes me how different people can be IRL vs. online.

And yeah, a lot of guys from my time on OKC put some nasty and off-putting stuff in their profiles (that they obviously thought was perfectly fine.) The reason I consider this a positive, is that in my view, this person is revealing things about how their mind works and who they really are inside. Face to face, we're trying to make a good impression and stay in each other's good graces. Wearing social masks and all. So getting that peek into their brain is a good way to weed out a certain number of them.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:18 AM
 
Location: Austin
1,062 posts, read 973,996 times
Reputation: 1439
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique View Post
Exactly. Initial interest does not mean there’s enough interest to take it further, and perhaps after exchanging messages you realize it’s not a good fit. How is this different if one were to meet someone at a club or party and start talking and hitting it off, but later on they’re seen leaving with someone else? That happens all the time.

All this whining is silly. No one is entitled to another’s attention, interest, investment, etc. Whether you cross paths on a dating site, on a forum, at a singles mixer, a party, concert, club, or whatever.

I may have ‘liked’ a profile and sent a message, but then someone else popped up in my inbox or I received a response from someone that would turn out to be a better match. This happened numerous times when I explored the dating scene. It happened when I met my husband. I sent out and exchanged messages with others right around the time I came across my husband’s profile and sent him a message. He was, in every sense, my best match. He popped up at the top of my searches, a 99% match, and we connected immediately. I didn’t entertain other interests once mutual interest was established.



Or, “Oh, look, a better, more compatible match!”
It is true that no one is entitled to another's interest.

But this is the only time in history that so many people are single, and therefore missing out on love, the core experience of being human.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:21 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by earthisle View Post
But this is the only time in history that so many people are single, and therefore missing out on love, the core experience of being human.


What makes you think there are so many truly single people out there? Or that they are missing out on love?


Not married /= truly "single"


And single /= not having a loving, or multiple loving, relationships.

As far as the census goes, I'm "single" and "living alone", but in reality I have a very loving partner, and loving relationship.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:27 AM
 
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,061,165 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
That's why you actually meet. Once you meet, it is no different than it ever has been.
The online is just the first step. That's it. The benefit is huge in that, I had many a IRL meeting with people where I had that instant chemistry and woah.... a month (or whatever) later I found out about a really big deal breaker that chemistry can't overcome. With many of the online systems, I could have weeded that person out before ever meeting. Total win.




Sounds just like people going out and getting phone numbers and never calling or never having any intention of calling. Or people just going out to wherever and flirting to have fun. Happened all the time pre internet. Still happens now. It's nothing new.
No, I get it. I agree that it's an effective medium for meeting and arranging dates. Doesn't that convenience come at the expense of spontaneity? One already has some preconceived notions before meeting in person. I just don't think it's the same.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:33 AM
 
Location: In a city within a state where politicians come to get their PHDs in Corruption
2,907 posts, read 2,061,165 times
Reputation: 4478
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
It's more effective than working from home, having everything including my cat litter delivered to the lobby. I go out occasionally with 1 of 2 friends, and I'm concentrating on catching up with them at the time.

I suppose I can meet people at the gas station...a bit of hyperbole yes, but do you really not see how OLD is way more effective for some? I think it's an amazing and effective tool and I have met some Tools, but hey--it's all good in the end, I like people. If I didn't like it I wouldn't be here at every opportunity expressing my dislike of it.

Lots of things I don't like! I don't need to prove why. It's like a constant reassurance some need. Like Auraliea advised: Ok, don't like it don't do it....???
Again, just because you're meeting more people, doesn't mean it's necessarily more effective at finding love. Those two can be mutually exclusive, can they not?

And, I'm not asking you to prove anything, we're simply having a normal debate. But, I think online dating is a symptom of a bigger issue. People are foregoing marriage and kids until later and later. When we're younger there are way more opportunities to meet and be with people. As we get older and life starts getting in the way, it becomes harder. Or, divorces are more common and people are having to date at later age.

So, yes, I agree that it solves that problem, but that doesn't mean it's more effective at finding love.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:36 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,842,621 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD View Post
No, I get it. I agree that it's an effective medium for meeting and arranging dates. Doesn't that convenience come at the expense of spontaneity? One already has some preconceived notions before meeting in person. I just don't think it's the same.


I would say, no, not it doesn't come at the expense of spontaneity. I can't spontaneously connect with someone I never meet, so there is gain without loss. And when I do happen to meet people IRL instead of OLD, spontaneity can and does happen. So, there is gain, but no loss.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD View Post
Or, divorces are more common and people are having to date at later age.

Divorces have been becoming less common since the early 1980s. Mostly because people are wisely waiting until they're mature before making that decision. If you look at first time marriages among people in their 30s, the divorce rate is very low. It's exceptionally low when looking at educated (at least an BA/BS) individuals in that age range. Another win win for society.
 
Old 10-11-2019, 11:41 AM
 
10,341 posts, read 5,843,183 times
Reputation: 17884
Quote:
Originally Posted by tolovefromANFIELD View Post
Again, just because you're meeting more people, doesn't mean it's necessarily more effective at finding love. Those two can be mutually exclusive, can they not?

And, I'm not asking you to prove anything, we're simply having a normal debate. But, I think online dating is a symptom of a bigger issue. People are foregoing marriage and kids until later and later. When we're younger there are way more opportunities to meet and be with people. As we get older and life starts getting in the way, it becomes harder. Or, divorces are more common and people are having to date at later age.

So, yes, I agree that it solves that problem, but that doesn't mean it's more effective at finding love.
Eh, I hate to sound jaded when really I'm not at all, but "Love" has actually come secondary. In all my years I may have found it once or twice, so I'll just try to enjoy myself until or if it ever happens again. It's more effective than not making an attempt at meeting people of the opposite sex.
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