Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
In other words, because we rely on our niceness, women rather play patty cake with us.
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Ouch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
Women tend to go for a "strong" personality. Someone who is bold and deliberate. Someone who takes charge (not in an overly dominant way). Someone who at least has an idea of what he wants and goes for it.
It also helps to be 'solid' in your body language when talking to a woman. I say boldness is something that tends to be successful more than niceness.
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Re: "Personality types"...that mostly doesn't fit me. I'm not a strong personality. I am not bold or deliberate. I can take charge, and I have in certain situations, and I have leadership skills and abilities, but I tend to defer to stronger personalities. I am a second-guesser, a self-doubter, indecisive, hesitant. I over-think and over-analyze, constantly. My natural inclination is to put more stock into what other people think, feel, and say than I do in my own opinions and beliefs...if I'm challenged or criticized on something, I immediately revert to a state of self-examination to see if what was presented is more accurate or valid than what I believe.
At the very least, though, when all of that pensiveness and pausality is worked through, and I have determined what my goals should be and what the best courses of action to achieve them are, I can be very decisive, confident, and determined, almost to the point of arrogance; it just takes me a while to get there.
Re: Body language and boldness, that seems to be something that is dictated by confidence, of which I have very little when it comes to women. When I've done my asking, I've tried to muster as much confidence as I could, but it's still very likely that this was seen for what it was, a facade masking my nervousness and lack of confidence. Probably played a factor in my rejections.
That said, in my new job, I have actually seen the benefit of coming in projecting false confidence. I did that...I projected an air of authority, competence, and attempted likeability, and people responded to it very well. As a result of how they were treating me in reaction, I have begun to develop
real, actual self-confidence in myself and my professional abilities. For instance, not long ago I screwed up on the job for the first time. My boss made a snide remark about it. But even in the short time I've been here I feel like I've already grown in my confidence in myself. Where that snide remark would have in the past sent me into a spiral of negativity and self-doubt, here I chuckled (because it was funny) and set myself to solving the problem that I'd caused. That feels like real
growth to me.
Could I develop that with women, if they were to respond favorably to my facade of self-confidence with them? Maybe. But with women my balloon tends to get pricked and everything I was trying to fortify myself for comes crashing down with another rejection. If, on my first day on the job, I had been questioned, challenged, disregarded, or disrespected, I suspect my initial facade of self-confidence would have come crashing down
then as well. People would have seen my naked insecurities and vulnerabilities, I would have felt exposed in my new job...and I very well might have spiraled out of control when my boss criticized me that day, because I hadn't been allowed to grow a buttress of
real self-confidence against the veneer of
projected self-confidence.
What I'm saying is...maybe if I were to ask a woman out, and she dealt me a pair of pocket rocket aces and agreed instead of turning the card table over and walking off...I might come to believe it's a game I can learn to play after all. But if she doesn't, and the cards go flying, and I'm wondering what was the wrong move I made once again, I'll feel even worse about my ability to play the game.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
I believe the best chance at success comes from knowing who you are and owning it. It also helps to stand out and allow what is unique (as long as it is not harmful) to show.
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All depends on what boxes I check for her. If I know and own who I am, and I stand out and am unique, but who I am and what's unique about me aren't very attractive and don't check many boxes, then...it won't work. "Just be yourself!" being pernicious dating advice if
yourself isn't very
dateable.
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