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I can tell you right now, if I had no partner, and I wanted to have sex with a man, it would be extremely easy to make that happen. I mean, not putting any other parameters or requirements on it, just saying that basic fact right there. And if I had no qualifying criteria and I wanted a RELATIONSHIP with a man, that would also be extremely easy to get. For me.
But if I had no partner and I set out wanting sex with another woman? I would not be able to simply and easily find that. There would be at least some challenge to it, comparatively. If I wanted a relationship with a woman, even with no filters or preferences or parameters involved, just a woman, any woman...it still would not be as easy for me to get that going. Even in a community chock-full of LGBTQ+ people where hetero women are a tiny minority, it would not be "easy."
I really think you can see things from both perspectives and I think that is really valuable.
Less then twenty is still a hell of a lot more then the struggling guys were talking about who can’t get one date.
Those dudes would cut off a finger to have that many options lol
LOL this is funny. You are the second guy who assumed that meant that I went on dates with 20 or whatever guys.
I said, once you weeded out the soldiers, stoners, gang-bangers and yee-haw cowboy types, basically all the guys I could take one easy look at and know we would not get along, I was left with less than 20.
Out of those, I can rule out several more due to age, life circumstances, possibly something like religion...the things you find out on a closer look.
In the end, I might have sent messages to 10 or so, let's say. I think it was less, maybe 6-8.
That's not the number of guys I got, went on dates with, had sex with, had relationships with, or the number that were "options." That was the number that I messaged.
Out of those, maybe 2-5 of them even bothered to message back. At least one or two was insulting for no reason when they did, and got blocked. A couple of them I met for a first date, and it was awkward and terrible so I had to "Sorry, no sparks, good luck!" them later and not see them again.
The group ya'll are pointing at, and saying, "Oh you're so lucky you had these OPTIONS"... LOL! If you're like the guys here playing the "numbers game" your group is dozens, or hundreds of women. Mine, is less than 20. That I would even consider meeting. That it is even worth my time to send a message to. Out of those, very much fewer will wind up being a date, and fewer still sex, and fewer still a relationship.
Though it worked out fine, because I only really needed ONE and we managed to find each other anyhow.
I do. I just don't like coy game stuff. I want clear statements of consent, y'know, like the ones I'm willing to give to the men and women that I'm interested in. Not a face and a noise. I have no idea what and "mew!" means. And just because I like women, doesn't mean I want to butch up and act like a man. But it sure seems like we're both waiting for SOMEBODY to.
Well then heck there was the time I had a date set with an older, more masculine woman (I'm actually pan, so a genderfluid person is still of interest) and she freaking forgot and stood me up.
You seem to be saying if I really liked women, I'd like coy games and being flaked out on? Really, does anyone actually enjoy that?
I wonder if I just misunderstood. You make these gender comments like this. It sounds like you were saying that being "easier" is superior and better in its nature. I think all you are saying is getting down with men is easier ... sans the moral or whatever judgement.
What I was saying is you have thoughts that you are attributing to "women" that I don't agree with. Not sure I mean that anymore.
Sometimes I feel like obsessively and excessively dating works against the very nature of making connections in and of itself. People are so stuck "meeting the right person," they don't allow themselves to really look at people for what/who they are. All dating is (in this particular context) is going out and being social. Something you can do anywhere. It's literally this simple, sometimes people talk and relationships start. All that happens in between is not something we can physically or mentally control. But trying to explain this concept is like trying to squeeze water out of a rock. Some people just don't want to accept that. And I believe that's the crux of the frustration for A LOT of people.
As a person who has been in many one sided crush situations, I can tell you options don't mean a thing to me. In fact, all of the suitors I had during my time crushing on someone else ANNOYED the crap out of me. Those guys would try their damnedest to convince me that they would treat me so much better than the one I was idealizing. While that may have been true, it didn't matter because I didn't want them. Ugh, when people start talking about options, I just get frustrated because it never made a difference for me personally. It just aggravated me.
I wonder if I just misunderstood. You make these gender comments like this. It sounds like you were saying that being "easier" is superior and better in its nature. I think all you are saying is getting down with men is easier ... sans the moral or whatever judgement.
What I was saying is you have thoughts that you are attributing to "women" that I don't agree with. Not sure I mean that anymore.
I hate how tone does not come across in text...the bold part of what you quoted, that I said, imagine me laughing while saying it. And the bit right after. I don't take any of this too seriously.
About the only "serious"...ish?...thing...that I was wanting to convey, is if a man says, "I really find it challenging to begin a sexual/romantic interaction with a woman. Sometimes it's all rather confusing and seems to take a lot of effort...and then is still confusing anyways." I would say, "Yeah, I've had some confusing times in that area too guy, I get ya." Hell maybe women just generally aren't socialized to ask for what we want, even when we know what that is, and we know that we want it? Or for all I know the women who treated me flakily or gave me mixed signals really weren't into me like that. Could be. I dunno.
Definitely not a judgment of things being superior or better or any of that kind of deal. I prefer to be "easy" (which does not mean unscrupulous or not discerning, mind you!) myself...I like to un-complicate matters where I can. I find it nice when I engage with others who are the same way. Though admittedly my straightforward approach to things has caught some men off guard and even been off-putting to some of them. That's ok, too.
Interesting points. This is why I think context and very subtle nonverbal cues are so important in deciphering another persons intentions, interest level, whatever.
The silly face and mew, yeah thats pretty ambiguous. Im imagining if a guy did that after I said what Sonic said. Id probably take it as a polite rejection? Or Id think the ball is in his court now, he can make the next move.
Im a woman though, and so is Sonic. But if she did that to a man, would the response be different? I mean if hes a very assertive and persistent man I think he would see it as a green light. At least she didnt slap him or say absolutely not! and storm out disgusted.
Not to generalize but the expected norm is for women to be passive and receptive, and men to be aggressive and dominating. Like yin and yang. A lot of it might be based on hormones too. Testosterone results is more energetic, active, assertive type behaviors?
I think most guys who get laid a lot or have more relationships are probably willing to be pretty dominant and assertive? They dont take rejection too hard. On to the next, etc. Not including assaulters or people with perverse tastes in this (such as a guy who gets off on raping or stalking women), but regular guys who mean no harm.
I hate how tone does not come across in text...the bold part of what you quoted, that I said, imagine me laughing while saying it. And the bit right after. I don't take any of this too seriously.
About the only "serious"...ish?...thing...that I was wanting to convey, is if a man says, "I really find it challenging to begin a sexual/romantic interaction with a woman. Sometimes it's all rather confusing and seems to take a lot of effort...and then is still confusing anyways." I would say, "Yeah, I've had some confusing times in that area too guy, I get ya." Hell maybe women just generally aren't socialized to ask for what we want, even when we know what that is, and we know that we want it? Or for all I know the women who treated me flakily or gave me mixed signals really weren't into me like that. Could be. I dunno.
Definitely not a judgment of things being superior or better or any of that kind of deal. I prefer to be "easy" (which does not mean unscrupulous or not discerning, mind you!) myself...I like to un-complicate matters where I can. I find it nice when I engage with others who are the same way. Though admittedly my straightforward approach to things has caught some men off guard and even been off-putting to some of them. That's ok, too.
There is the tone not coming through, but also there are people that go online with agendas and they seem to be willing to take something out of context or twist a word in order to throw mud and further their agenda. These people don't even care about tone (Definitely not saying somebodynew or anyone on this forum is doing this).
Some people are just out to paint a certain picture of certain people in order to fit with their agenda. So many times I see articles, "He, she said this and that," but then I go to the original incident or conversation and take a look at the context of the story. One sentence in the overall message gets taken out of context, and twisted in order to paint this person into something different than what that person really is.
But anyway, I rambled enough. Yeah, dating is a funny thing and we tend to make it more complicated than it needs to be.
In fact, I'm a guy and I (think I might) want a relationship... I don't have one cuz I complicate things, or I freak out and freeze at the possibility. Even as a man who has women throwing themselves at him...increasingly as the days go on (used to be once a month, now it is once a week. ), I'm not going in and out of relationships (pre-occupied, I guess).
In fact, I'm a guy and I (think I might) want a relationship... I don't have one cuz I complicate things, or I freak out and freeze at the possibility. Even as a man who has women throwing themselves at him...increasingly as the days go on (used to be once a month, now it is once a week. ), I'm not going in and out of relationships (pre-occupied, I guess).
Well, they grab themselves by their feet and lift up and then using some violation of physics, swing themselves around, somehow they aim, and then they release. They typically hit me in the chest or head...
Okay, on a serious note....
On plenty of occasions, I have women walk up to me and stop me for a conversation. I'd be resting at a park, nodding off, and then wake up to a woman standing over me, then a conversation starts there. If I go to a bar, a woman just sits on my lap out of the blue.
More recent examples in the past couple of weeks, a woman walked up to me asking if I wanted to party (didn't trust that...that's trouble in the area I live). And another woman, sat next to me and started saying strange, sexual and some sadistic stuff while looking at me. (I left out the more raunchy stuff because...PG-13)
I'm typically running my errands so I keep it casual.
Trust me, from what I hear, that is more than what a lot of men (online) get.
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and "mew!" means. And just because I like women, doesn't mean I want to butch up and act like a man. But it sure seems like we're both waiting for SOMEBODY to.
