Emotional pitfalls of casual sex for women

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by wasel

It is interesting that you started this thread because this has been on my mind lately. I think we as a society (mainly we older generation women -- I'm in my 50s) have failed young women.


For some reason, young women are fine at demanding respect in the workplace etc -- but when it comes to relationships, I see too many younger women put up with disrespect from guys. This "hookup" culture, the "lets hang out" texts at 10 pm, and even the fact that it's become OK to use terms like "hit that" or "tap that" is accepted. All of it chips away at women being treated like they are valued. I mean, why call out certain guys as "misogynists" and then accept this kind of language from your own male friends, brothers, etc.



It seems that drawing lines in the sand is now considered to be "prudish" or "pearl clutching" or something -- when it's just about asking for respect and not being used sexually and then discarded. I mean is it prudish when women spell out what's not acceptable to them in the workplace? If not, then why aren't these expectations spelled out in dating?



I am astounded at the numerous conversations on these forums about the "three date rule" etc. I dated a lot in my single years and only 2 times was I ever pressured to have intercourse. In both cases I said I'm not ready. One of these guys I continued to date a while after that and he continued to grumble, but he didn't break up with me over it. (We broke up because he moved.) The second guy, I broke up with him the minute he balked about my saying "no." Both of these instances were pretty soon after we started dating (within 2 months of only seeing each other about 1x a week.) I dated many, many other men who were OK with my pace. Maybe they WANTED to sleep with me sooner, but they didn't hassle me or break up with me over it.



I have initiated sex on the first date BTW, and didn't necessarily regret it, but I would say the relationships were definitely not completely healthy ones, and resulted in a lot of heartbreak because I was bonded.



My message to women is that there is nothing prudish, closed minded or wrong with waiting until you are truly ready. For God's sake people go through great pains to not put some food or drug into their body but yet not treat their body "like a temple" in this way.

I'm a gay guy and I agree with all of that.

I'd also say, sooner or later, causal sex affects men negatively, too. It just usually hits women on an emotional level first.

There's nothing in this world that doesn't come at a cost. Whether you're
talking about sex or anything else, If you get the fun and 'benefits' up front, count on there being a cost down the road. Always.