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THe monkey wrench in the works is what if one person loses their job, becomes disabled, or other unfortunate circumstance. The earning power of each person can change over the life of the relationship.
This is a point that a lot of people miss.
A lot of people's careers tanked during the recession years and never recovered.
A lot of people's careers tanked during the recession years and never recovered.
Yeah, that happened to me and I was earning more than my husband then. Fortunately, I stayed busy with lower paying jobs and things didn’t go completely to heck. It was a huge setback, though.
Yeah, that happened to me and I was earning more than my husband then. Fortunately, I stayed busy with lower paying jobs and things didn’t go completely to heck. It was a huge setback, though.
Almost everyone I know had career setbacks from 2007 to 2014, most did not completely recover. A lot of people switched careers or went back to school, often working for lower pay. And salaries have gone down since then in all professions and jobs. Back in the 90s there were lots of six figure jobs, not anymore; those same jobs pay much less now.
So when entering a relationship I believe it is important to consider that the money a person has today, might be gone tomorrow.
I was thinking more along the lines of one person moving into the other person's house. Maybe it's more expensive than the other person would choose. Or there isn't enough storage. Or it's too much of a commute. So is 50/50 "fair" in these cases? I don't think so, and I can see how a couple might decide that "fair" is something other than 50/50.
But your point is very valid, too.
We weren’t married or living together, but we were planning on marrying and starting a family. He wasn’t comfortable with the prospect of moving into “my house”. It’s paid for, in an extremely desirable area, and closer to his job than where he was living. There was no mortgage, no out of pocket maintenance, nor did I have to pay any property tax, nor homeowners insurance.*I wanted him to concentrate on paying off his student debt (100k) which IMO would have served us better in the long run. I didn’t get his hesitation. It would have been the perfect storm for us starting out. He wasn’t having it. He had a good job, so it wouldn’t be like he was taking advantage of me rather than taking advantage of the situation... which was my suggestion.
He could have sold his condo, and walk away with close to 100k profit. We could have gotten married and been debt free. ( after using his pay to off his debt) Nope, he wanted to us to each sell our homes and then buy “our house”. He’d still have had his student debt and 1/2 a mortgage to pay. WTF?
The funny thing was we spent the majority of our time at..... my house! Lol
* The house belongs to a trust and a property management company takes care of the maintenance and bills the trust. The trust also pays the property taxes.
We weren’t married or living together, but we were planning on marrying and starting a family. He wasn’t comfortable with the prospect of moving into “my house”. It’s paid for, in an extremely desirable area, and closer to his job than where he was living. There was no mortgage, no out of pocket maintenance, nor did I have to pay any property tax, nor homeowners insurance.*I wanted him to concentrate on paying off his student debt (100k) which IMO would have served us better in the long run. I didn’t get his hesitation. It would have been the perfect storm for us starting out. He wasn’t having it. He had a good job, so it wouldn’t be like he was taking advantage of me rather than taking advantage of the situation... which was my suggestion.
He could have sold his condo, and walk away with close to 100k profit. We could have gotten married and been debt free. ( after using his pay to off his debt) Nope, he wanted to us to each sell our homes and then buy “our house”. He’d still have had his student debt and 1/2 a mortgage to pay. WTF?
The funny thing was we spent the majority of our time at..... my house! Lol
* The house belongs to a trust and a property management company takes care of the maintenance and bills the trust. The trust also pays the property taxes.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,574,171 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northshoregirl2019
That's good. I didn't think my ex husband would salary shame me either. He waited until we were married to start making comments that grew into full blown criticism whenever we had a disagreement. I'm older and wiser and have a better picker now. I learned to observe the role of money in a persons life and what their emotions are to it. My ex husband came from a very poor family, he was the first in his entire family to go to college. His relationship to money was tied to his sense of self. It defined him, the more he made, the better he felt about himself as a person. Therefore, I was less than because I made less.
As long as you and your boyfriend are truthful about money and the role it plays in your lives, then it doesn't matter what a bunch of people say on an Internet forum. If you both come to an agreement as to who pays what and what happens if one gets sick, injured, layed off, ect than you have covered your bases.
Sry your ex husband treated you that way.......I would never stay in a relationship that I felt shamed or criticized.....happy for you that you got out of it! I know....for me... it doesn't matter what people say on a forum........it's just a thread topic for everyone tho, not really about *me*....
I think lifestyle wants should be close. I am a frugal person and would not do well dating someone who has expensive tastes in things I don't care for. But I have no problem making more than my partner and paying >>50% for things we both like and do together.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Most people do not love their jobs, so the thought of slaving away for another person's luxuries is the real culprit, not $ itself per se.
I don't love my job, but I'm salaried full-time and there isn't another realistic profession I'd rather be salaried full-time in. So it's not like I'd be "slaving away" any less by being with someone at my income or higher, unless she was rich enough for me to retire and be a trophy husband lol.
I think it depends how much the difference is. Let's say house buying power is 4x HHI.
I think if one partner makes 50K and the other makes 200K, then I would consider the buying power of the relationship around 100 - 150K HHI.
Personally, if I was the 50K, I wouldn't want to go buy an 800K house. Not only because I don't want to live in a neighborhood with 800K houses, but also because if we did, then that puts me at the mercy of my partner.
OTOH, a house worth 600K, ok she contributes a little more, but its closer. 400K to 500K is more where it's at.
In terms of everything else other than the house, I can afford my own car, my own food, my own vacations.
I'll also that I've seen up close the dynamics of how it works when, one person makes a lot more, and its not great.
Yes, this topic has been discussed before. Thread closed.
Also, this evening the thread devolved into yet another mess of baiting and bickering. Inappropriate posts have been deleted.
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