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Is she bothered by the scene because it depicts rape or because it depicts sex? Did you talk to her about it prior to taking the job?
Cause it depicts sex. I didn't really have time to talk to her as I was an emergency choice to replace another actor that day. It was not planned at all, but I did it cause I felt like doing filmmakers favors for others, cause then they help out on my projects more, so that is why I did it. I texted her about it, but she didn't get back to me till after the shoot was over.
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Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
What about bringing her to the set during filming so she can see it’s just acting? Why are they only hiring you to be a rapist? Do you have other type scenes in the movie, do you have lines? This is a very normal thing, any woman would feel threatened and jealous by that. It certainly doesn’t help the situation that your girlfriend has been disappointed in the amount of sex she’s been having with you lately.
She couldn't come cause she was working during. I only had the one scene for this one actually. But I've done other projects for them before, where I played other parts.
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Originally Posted by ellie
What if your girlfriend was the actress in the scene and you were just on the sidelines, hearing about her day at work? Would you mind?
Well since I've done that as an actor, I understand how she would have to do it as one as well. Is that wrong of me to think so, or just open minded about what acting jobs entail?
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Originally Posted by Bungalove
I agree. I think the OP volunteered not so much to "help out" a friend, but because he's enjoying the heck out of this "acting" experience.
No I didn't enjoy the experience. I treated it as a job, but I didn't enjoy it that way. It was awkward for both me and the actress and we just pushed through it awkwardly. I have no interest in the actress that way at all.
Cause it depicts sex. I didn't really have time to talk to her as I was an emergency choice to replace another actor that day. It was not planned at all, but I did it cause I felt like doing filmmakers favors for others, cause then they help out on my projects more, so that is why I did it. I texted her about it, but she didn't get back to me till after the shoot was over.
But... on the other (many) threads you discussed with us your Arousal Disorders and the fact that you can't really perform it right and using the blue pill since you were 18. Thus your preference to masturbate and watch porn. Are you sure you were the right candidate for the performance? //www.city-data.com/forum/51004739-post3.html
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No I didn't enjoy the experience. I treated it as a job, but I didn't enjoy it that way. It was awkward for both me and the actress and we just pushed through it awkwardly. I have no interest in the actress that way at all.
But... on the other (many) threads you discussed with us your Arousal Disorders and the fact that you can't really perform it right and using the blue pill since you were 18. Thus your preference to masturbate and watch porn. Are you sure you were the right candidate for the performance? //www.city-data.com/forum/51004739-post3.html
El Nina....hittin' the 3-pointer WITH the foul! C'mon op even u had to chuckle at that one
Cause it depicts sex. I didn't really have time to talk to her as I was an emergency choice to replace another actor that day. It was not planned at all, but I did it cause I felt like doing filmmakers favors for others, cause then they help out on my projects more, so that is why I did it. I texted her about it, but she didn't get back to me till after the shoot was over.
I know your career in acting is important. You should have a discussion cover at least some of the points.
* Acting is important to you. Sex scenes is part of the job.
* I know timing in this case was also important. However, you should consider that since you didn't talk about it prior it may have come to her as a shock. People react badly to cases like that.... at least initially.. and may have been a factor. She may have felt slighted and deceived irregardless of the reality of your intent. This can be easily twisted into a "what if" scenario..
* Establish boundaries that she and you can accept; thereby assuring her.
I'm no actor... not going to pretend I know what it is like. However, I have been in open relationships and one of those relationships was with a lady whose job was sex related. It may be an odd angle because after all you weren't involved in actual sex but much of the same conversation; we had to establish was is important, under what circumstances, and most importantly what boundaries we are both comfortable with. It also places me in the similar position as your GF; the one whose spouse is working a job that can spark an emotional response.
You may feel that sex itself was the trigger to her anxieties but you don't really know... it may be that you didn't establish what is important to you (and her), under what circumstances, and didn't establish boundaries. I do like the suggestion that maybe you should take her along to meet and see you at work; that should help the first two points of the discussion you need to have with her.
I realized that being financially independent was important to her, she was a very sexual person w/ a individual life as well as a life that we shared. Outside of that it was just a job.. no more no less. She made efforts to let me know where she was and her plans; sometimes, I'd watch her at the strip club pretending to be a customer. That was not only a way to establish trust via transparency but was actually pretty fun too (although it was already pretty familiar with the environment). We established boundaries from which our relationship was formed... sticking to those boundaries was our way of showing just how important we were to each other in our lives together and as individuals.
If I came home one day and she simply wasn't there. I'd feel a bit slighted/ deceived... on top of being worried on her whereabouts. Finding out after the fact wouldn't have made me feel any better. Its not that I would want to have some sort of "control" over her; she is making her decisions and really I was in no position to deny her those personal decisions. It was really just to confirm that we indeed also had a life together as a couple and that was equally important to the both of us. Even as I had my own FWB, she knew all of them... and I knew hers.
Remember, what is or is not your reality isn't necessarily hers. Feelings are important and they do frame how we interpret the happenings around us. If she feels anxieties and insecurities as a result of these scenes, that is absolutely her "reality"... irregardless. You can help rationalize those feelings by making efforts to be completely transparent; thus helping her see your "reality".
Oh okay thanks. I didn't think I deceived her though, she was at work, so I sent her a text explaining the whole thing, and how I was picked as a spur the moment replacement, then went off to do the scene. So I thought I was as honest and open as I could have been about it given the circumstances.
Oh okay thanks. I didn't think I deceived her though, she was at work, so I sent her a text explaining the whole thing, and how I was picked as a spur the moment replacement, then went off to do the scene. So I thought I was as honest and open as I could have been about it given the circumstances.
No doubt that your intent wasn't to deceive her... however you don't know how she felt and interpreted the situation. Your intent and reality is interpreted through your eyes only influenced by your feelings; and hers is the same.
A person in a bad mood is going to interpret the worst of the day's happenings. A person in a good mood is going to see the best of the day's happenings. Feelings do matter; her's especially in your situation. You need to discuss them with her.
I'm assuming that this won't be the last sex scene or even movie kiss you will perform; don't make it a recurring theme in your relationship.
PS. Since Elnina mentioned porn star, I am assuming the details that got edited out revolved around some soft core type of work. Keep in mind, that is a type of sex work and it isn't uncommon for people in that line of work to encounter relationship issues because of their work. You'll need to try especially hard at building a foundation for your relationship. The reality some people simply cannot accept it; and a lot of those working in sex work simply avoid it by not having relationships.... it is the reality of things.
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