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It's not really about fear. At least for me it wasn't. It was more about an "idea of love" rather than the real thing. I believe everyone fantasizes about their partner to some extent. But when the bulk of what you love about them is made up in your head, it's a problem. For me it was anyway.
Same here. I had to learn to stop idolizing men. It wasn't healthy.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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This is such a very interesting thread.
I do wonder why posters who have never been in love, ever, hang out consistently on the Relationships thread. Maybe a desire to be in love? I really don't know.
For me, twice, I have been deeply in love. First time with a long term boyfriend, and then I met my current husband of 34 years.
Same here. I had to learn to stop idolizing men. It wasn't healthy.
Yeap. It's super important not to idealize anyone. Man or woman. Friends or partners. Especially if you don't those same traits yourself. Having realistic expectations and views of people will save a lot of grief.
Tricky question. I'm not sure what 'being in love' is. I know I've shared those tender moments, but I can't remember them in detail. Companionship is a big thing for me, and that means a hell of a lot more to me than anything else - something consistent and ongoing is more valuable. Being in love is an ideal that's up there on a pedestal, but I don't think I've been there. I've be been abandoned too many times that I just don't believe in love, but no regrets, and now I'm happily single.
I can foresee a companionship-based relationship in my future, but for now I'm good.
If you'd asked me 6 months ago I would have said 4 times, but looking back it's only been once, and that was with my latest relationship. She was/is the love of my life and quite frankly, personal preference of course, I'll never enter a relationship again with anyone else. Wouldn't be fair to the other person when I feel nothing for them.
Huh. I've just been thinking about this very thing. Feel like I don't know what "being IN love" really is.
My first at age 20: Just wanted to get out the parents' house and he was a genius I greatly admired. He greatly admired me, so that was a clinch. 17 years.
Second: Really wanted to do this horse-trip adventure and we "clicked" so off we went. Exciting, but it went south fast with his drinking/violence. 7 years.
Third: Much older now, we both wanted a lifetime/grow-old companionship. We have that; the "love" is like a family member, LOL. 14 years.
I do wonder why posters who have never been in love, ever, hang out consistently on the Relationships thread. Maybe a desire to be in love? I really don't know.
For me, twice, I have been deeply in love. First time with a long term boyfriend, and then I met my current husband of 34 years.
I have had a ton of relationship and dating experience. I spent most of my adulthood in some form of relationship or another. Yet I don't think I can honestly say I have been in love. Sure, I thought I was sometimes. I was experiencing something very intense, whatever it was. I obsessed over men. I've been engaged, almost got married, broke it off weeks before the wedding date. I've had extremely varied and intense and extreme sexual (and emotional) experiences.
But in hindsight I can't call any of it love. There was always some malfunction, either on my part or theirs. Usually both. I would call it love if it were a long lasting and healthy pairing, with lots of open and honest communication, no games, no manipulation, no one person trying to get one over on the other.
I know its possible, people have healthy relationships. I think part of it was I grew up in California where some of the most shallow and narcissistic people live. I've moved to a different state now where people seem more down to earth although I feel I'm still decompressing, even though its been two years. Letting all those narcissist influences fade away, but I hope soon I will get to a place where I can be attracted to a more healthy relationship (and become worthy of one myself).
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC
This is such a very interesting thread.
I do wonder why posters who have never been in love, ever, hang out consistently on the Relationships thread. Maybe a desire to be in love? I really don't know.
For me, twice, I have been deeply in love. First time with a long term boyfriend, and then I met my current husband of 34 years.
Maybe those of us who have had luck in love may want to have the experience and insight of others to assist us in finding love? Just a thought.
Same reason that religious people go to services frequently or professionals go to seminars. Knowing more helps you. I think that would be obvious.
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luck in love may want to have the experience and insight of others to assist us in finding love? Just a thought. 
