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Old 08-18-2019, 12:36 PM
Status: "I believe in reincarnation" (set 16 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
11,948 posts, read 4,591,288 times
Reputation: 23284

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Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
Oh, and the "caregiver" part is debatable. When I'm old and frail, I won't have the energy to go out and have fun much anymore; a few times a year, if I'm lucky. So having a wife will be a net gain, rather than a net loss like it is today. Plus, it'll be nice to have someone call 911 if something happens to me, and I'll do the same for her.
True.
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Old 08-18-2019, 01:13 PM
 
1,243 posts, read 444,488 times
Reputation: 4219
My husband always insisted on paying for our dates. I never thought of him as being weak, controlling, or insecure. He never once has treated me as inferior. Nor has he ever considered me to be a gold digger. I made more money than him when we first met. I have been a SAHM for the past 20 years while he focused on his career and I focused on our family. I've managed our life, while he has financed it. We are equals. The money is ours to share.

Equality does not mean splitting everything 50/50. People bring different things of value to the table. My husband values everything I have done for him and our daughter. I value everything he has done for us. I do not need to contribute a paycheck to feel equal or of value. He does not need to handle our investments, handle our home, cook dinner, plan parties, plan vacations, etc to feel equal or of value. We each have our contributing roles and it makes for a happy life.

OP, do what works best for you.
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Old 08-18-2019, 01:22 PM
 
17,365 posts, read 14,461,213 times
Reputation: 24077
There are two types of dudes like this;

type 1 pays for everything because he actually cares and wants to be that person to show he can support and be relied upon, and it is his nature, raising, whatever, that the guy pays for things.

type 2 pays for stuff because his end goal is control, but there will be tons of other signs if the girl is not naive about it.
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Old 08-18-2019, 05:09 PM
 
237 posts, read 63,901 times
Reputation: 476
Yet another gender war thread over an op who's put up a whopping THREE posts, and won't be back after this thread closes. Whatever
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Old 08-18-2019, 07:31 PM
 
1,299 posts, read 610,810 times
Reputation: 1473
maybe she's busy taking her boyfriend out on a date and insisting to pay for almost everything. that'll teach him!
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Old 08-18-2019, 11:08 PM
Status: "Not My Circus - Not My Monkeys" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: San Francisco
3,137 posts, read 776,135 times
Reputation: 1853
Healthy relationships consist of excellent communication, mutual respect, shared interests, laughter, adventure, honesty, romance, intimacy, friendship, etc. - nothing anywhere about each person must earn the same income, however. How do so many posts automatically assume ‘he’s controlling’ i.e. ‘he’s a monster’ without asking the OP any questions about the relationship itself. Rather, many immediately jump to ‘he is controlling’ and stop right at the money - no further questions needed.

There are many controlling men who are poor and live in trailer parks. Wealth is not a universally shared characteristic of abusive or controlling men (and it’s absolutely ridiculous to paint it with that broad brush on such little information). Having money (or generously wanting to spend it on a girlfriend) does not a controlling abuser make in and of itself. I’m curious - what would be the response for a man who had money but wouldn’t spend it on his girlfriend? The dude is going to lose either way - lol.
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Old 08-19-2019, 01:54 AM
 
8,672 posts, read 3,406,337 times
Reputation: 14466
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Healthy relationships consist of excellent communication, mutual respect, shared interests, laughter, adventure, honesty, romance, intimacy, friendship, etc. - nothing anywhere about each person must earn the same income, however. How do so many posts automatically assume ‘he’s controlling’ i.e. ‘he’s a monster’ without asking the OP any questions about the relationship itself. Rather, many immediately jump to ‘he is controlling’ and stop right at the money - no further questions needed.

There are many controlling men who are poor and live in trailer parks. Wealth is not a universally shared characteristic of abusive or controlling men (and it’s absolutely ridiculous to paint it with that broad brush on such little information). Having money (or generously wanting to spend it on a girlfriend) does not a controlling abuser make in and of itself. I’m curious - what would be the response for a man who had money but wouldn’t spend it on his girlfriend? The dude is going to lose either way - lol.
Did you read the same OP as the rest of the respondents? Did you read somewhere in OPs post that her boyfriend was “wealthy”? Did she even post that he has more money than her?

The responses about him being controlling are due to the fact that she indicates he won’t let her pay for anything, and if she pays for things, he reimburses her. He can live in a trailer park and act like that, yes. The responses would be the same, she didn’t say where they live. No one indicated that they must earn the same income....perhaps you’re thinking of a different situation?
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Old 08-19-2019, 05:37 AM
 
2,695 posts, read 743,674 times
Reputation: 1840
OP posts this 11 pages ago, OP has yet to participate sense...hmmm.
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Old 08-19-2019, 07:45 AM
Status: "Not My Circus - Not My Monkeys" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: San Francisco
3,137 posts, read 776,135 times
Reputation: 1853
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL View Post
Did you read the same OP as the rest of the respondents? Did you read somewhere in OPs post that her boyfriend was “wealthy”? Did she even post that he has more money than her?

The responses about him being controlling are due to the fact that she indicates he won’t let her pay for anything, and if she pays for things, he reimburses her. He can live in a trailer park and act like that, yes. The responses would be the same, she didn’t say where they live. No one indicated that they must earn the same income....perhaps you’re thinking of a different situation?
The assumption was made OP’s boyfriend could afford to spend the money on her (by various posts throughout this thread). If he couldn’t afford it, then his poor spending habits and lack of financial responsibility would be the red flag within the relationship - lol.

If controlling (or abusive) behavior exists, it will be identifiable beyond money (or a lack thereof). A man’s bank account (full or empty) or his generosity (or lack thereof) doesn’t automatically translate to ‘controlling’.
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Old 08-19-2019, 08:03 AM
 
14,330 posts, read 10,614,212 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaGWS View Post
My husband always insisted on paying for our dates. I never thought of him as being weak, controlling, or insecure. He never once has treated me as inferior. Nor has he ever considered me to be a gold digger. I made more money than him when we first met. I have been a SAHM for the past 20 years while he focused on his career and I focused on our family. I've managed our life, while he has financed it. We are equals. The money is ours to share.

Equality does not mean splitting everything 50/50. People bring different things of value to the table. My husband values everything I have done for him and our daughter. I value everything he has done for us. I do not need to contribute a paycheck to feel equal or of value. He does not need to handle our investments, handle our home, cook dinner, plan parties, plan vacations, etc to feel equal or of value. We each have our contributing roles and it makes for a happy life.

OP, do what works best for you.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with this morally, practically or in anyway... unless it does not work out. I would not advise any young person to go this route, personally.
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