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As always, I'm from the People's Republic of Dating. If I'm pretty sure I make far more than my date, I pick up the tab no matter how much they object even if it's a first & only date or a breakup date. I'll let them pick up inexpensive symbolic things like breakfast or popcorn at a movie theater. If I'm out with someone I know is worth millions, I have T-Rex arms when the bill shows up. I'll offer to split the tab but I'm not going to object if they pay it. I've always been high enough income where it isn't going to change my life any by always picking up the check.
It is not that men refuse to go on another date of a woman pays or goes Dutch. Usually, that is a foretelling sign that the woman isn’t interested and doesn’t want to feel like she owes the guy another date or something else because he paid. I would still ask a woman out on a second date if I was interested, if she paid her share on the first date but I wouldn’t get my hopes up for a yes since that gesture usually means no interest for her part.
Yes, you would be wrong. I'm old school, the man pays. Period. Weather I end up liking him or not isn't relevant. He invited , being old school I do not, he pays. A guy I really did like said that to me recently, "you know women go out with men for free food" Pretty sure he didn't think that was my plan. I don't care about your free food, it's nice, but I'm capable of buying my own and just being with a friend or my pets. It's about being a gentleman and making a good impression. Does not mean she's not interested if she insists on paying part or all. Just her way of doing things.
Yes, you would be wrong. I'm old school, the man pays. Period. Weather I end up liking him or not isn't relevant. He invited , being old school I do not, he pays. A guy I really did like said that to me recently, "you know women go out with men for free food" .
If a man said something like that to me, I would not like him anymore. It's sexist for a man to think a woman cannot afford to feed herself without having a man or men in her life.
Hhhhhh.... men are not being oppressed by this social norm. Folks just need to get over it. Are there a few people who take advantage, yes. But how many hundredths of one percent are we talking? We should all strive for gender equality, but this has to be last among the lists of things to tackle.
I always split the check on my first few dates back in the 80s, but never actually split the check. asking a date to pay for half the bill is gauche.
If he buys tickets to the play, she buys the dinner beforehand. If he buys a couple of happy hour drinks, she pays for the next two. If he buys coffee on the first date....the best first date. that $5 on him!
It is easy to "split the check" without pulling out a calculator. If he or she won't contribute monetarily toward the first few dates that says a lot about the person doesn't it?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idkeither
Yes, you would be wrong. I'm old school, the man pays. Period. Weather I end up liking him or not isn't relevant. He invited , being old school I do not, he pays. A guy I really did like said that to me recently, "you know women go out with men for free food" Pretty sure he didn't think that was my plan. I don't care about your free food, it's nice, but I'm capable of buying my own and just being with a friend or my pets. It's about being a gentleman and making a good impression. Does not mean she's not interested if she insists on paying part or all. Just her way of doing things.
I’d do the separate checks if I knew perfectly well I didn’t want a second date with her (what do I care if it makes her mad at that point), so that would curve that “man always pays” garbage before it starts.
What part of “in my experience” are people not reading? Usually when the woman goes Dutch on my dates, she’s not interested in a second date. This ain’t just in my head. I’ve asked some women who’ve gone Dutch on the first date on a second date when I was interested. Ain’t gotten a yes in that scenario yet.
I’d do the separate checks if I knew perfectly well I didn’t want a second date with her (what do I care if it makes her mad at that point), so that would curve that “man always pays” garbage before it starts.
What part of “in my experience” are people not reading? Usually when the woman goes Dutch on my dates, she’s not interested in a second date. This ain’t just in my head. I’ve asked some women who’ve gone Dutch on the first date on a second date when I was interested. Ain’t gotten a yes in that scenario yet.
Maybe you’ve made it known that you’re paying for something other than food, as you’ve expressed here? Then they decide.
On dates I've gone on the man pays. Part of this is I screen people before dating so by the time we are on a date there is a level of investment already. I screen them by having had lots of long conversations before. So if they still want to date me at that point, they've an idea whats up and are opting on their own free will to press forward.
I dont exploit men for free dinners. Im not an exploitive person. Often, we discussed this. They admitted they were taking me out dropping money on me, without getting sex or having any formal relationship with me. But they said they were getting corrolary benefits from it, whatever that means. That was good enough for me. For ex. one was a blogger and said our conversations inspired blogging topics for him.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Maybe you’ve made it known that you’re paying for something other than food, as you’ve expressed here? Then they decide.
I think it is absolutely insulting that you would even imply I operate like that and it makes me furious. Hell I’d never have sex on the first date anyway.
A woman insisting on paying her share of the check on the first date could mean anything, but I believe that Dissenter's experience is consistent with reality the vast majority of the time (i.e. there won't be a 2nd date).
Lots of bitterness in this thread.
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