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This isn't accurate at all. We both decided to go on these dates. It started out with just having conversations and we got to know each other, so the natural progression is to see each other outside of work.
I will not have another workplace relationship, not after this. There's also no chance I will lose my job over this, simply because I've done nothing wrong.
Edited to add: I don't go out much. Maybe once a month with friends to a bar or something. So, my workplace is the easiest and most natural place for me to meet someone. But, now that's not even an option for me. So I have no idea how I'm going to find someone, a partner in life.
Dude, think with your primary head and use some common sense. Dating/getting to know subordinates on a personal level/whatever you wanna call it is NEVER a good idea. It would be a different ballgame if you were both on the same level. It won't end well for the both of you.
I'm just saying...you're asking for problems if she gets fired. You won't be able to defend yourself.
I don't want her to get fired. I like her, a lot actually. I think she has a good heart. I just don't think she knows how to control her bad behavior. I think it's compulsive and habitual. If she can make some changes, things will fine. If she ends up getting a formal warning, I won't be there for that meeting. But she can't keep attempting to contact me. It's not right.
Dude, think with your primary head and use some common sense. Dating/getting to know subordinates on a personal level/whatever you wanna call it is NEVER a good idea. It would be a different ballgame if you were both on the same level. It won't end well for the both of you.
Then what are my options, tell me? Where else am I supposed to find someone? I don't go to church, I don't go to bars, I don't even like groups of people that much. I just want to find someone I connect with, someone to spend time with so I'm not alone the rest of my life. You try being alone for 2 years and see how it feels.
I know that now. But you have to understand, it had been almost 2 years since I'd had anything romantic with a woman, including sex. I'm not used to the hookup thing. I've never done it. I've been with a total of 5 women in my life. I was not expecting her to just come over to my house like she did.
Just don’t say any of this ^^^ at your deposition.
You’re gonna have to change your habits, just like every other newly single person.
Then what are my options, tell me? Where else am I supposed to find someone? I don't go to church, I don't go to bars, I don't even like groups of people that much. I just want to find someone I connect with, someone to spend time with so I'm not alone the rest of my life. You try being alone for 2 years and see how it feels.
I've been single for going on 6 years, and it's been around 5'ish years since I've had a solid F-buddy. It's something called self-control. Something which you clearly lack. I don't go out much, either, since it's pretty expensive, and I sure as hell don't venture to bars or clubs since I've been there and done that already. I don't even like to drink alcohol anymore. I've been stone cold sober for 8 years now.
With that said, I will get up and get out of my place every once in awhile. There are always an abundance of single females at bookstores. You could try that. Pretty women shop at Target. Try going there. If you want trashy a woman, Walmart is the place to find those. It's important to note that not every woman who shops at WM is trashy.
Do some recreational sporting activities. I skydive. That's a goldmine for meeting other women. I do have to admit, though, they are waaaaaaay out of my league. They're all white collar types, some run their own medical practice, some are aerospace engineers, and some are on another level. I'm sewer scum compared to them, but that doesn't mean I cannot go up to them and start a conversation. Especially since we're all jumping out of a "perfectly" good airplane together.
Do you think the friend was a guy? And, if so, do you think she was having sex with him?
Is this the real problem?
I don't know, honestly. I know she goes over to guy's houses and has sex with them. I know that for a fact. But, we were talking about our second date only two hours before we were to meet. I don't know what happened, and really, I don't know that I even care at this point. It's bewildering to me, her behavior.
I've been single for going on 6 years, and it's been around 5'ish years since I've had a solid F-buddy. It's something called self-control. Something which you clearly lack. I don't go out much, either, since it's pretty expensive, and I sure as hell don't venture to bars or clubs since I've been there and done that already. I don't even like to drink alcohol anymore. I've been stone cold sober for 8 years now.
With that said, I will get up and get out of my place every once in awhile. There are always an abundance of single females at bookstores. You could try that. Pretty women shop at Target. Try going there. If you want trashy a woman, Walmart is the place to find those. It's important to note that not every woman who shops at WM is trashy.
Do some recreational sporting activities. I skydive. That's a goldmine for meeting other women. I do have to admit, though, they are waaaaaaay out of my league. They're all white collar types, some run their own medical practice, some are aerospace engineers, and some are on another level. I'm sewer scum compared to them, but that doesn't mean I cannot go up to them and start a conversation. Especially since we're all jumping out of a "perfectly" good airplane together.
Thanks for the response. I appreciate it. I've never considered myself someone who lacks self control. That's the truth. I've always been very composed. But, this girl is flat out beautiful and, as I've said so many times before, she is fun to be around and talk with. So yeah, I let myself slip. No doubt about it.
I know that people have been single longer than me. I'm not stupid, I know that. But, when you live with someone for 11 years and they're in your life everyday, you wake up to them and go to sleep with them. You really begin to love having that closeness with someone. And I miss it terribly. I thought after 2 years of being alone that it would get easier, but it hasn't. Now I'm in my mid 40s and I feel like I'll never find anyone. I'll be alone forever and that's kind of scary for me.
I called and texted her when she didn’t show up the second time. Her response was “I’m at a friends house. Not coming.” And that was all she texted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
I'm now wondering...
Do you think the friend was a guy? And, if so, do you think she was having sex with him?
Is this the real problem?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tommy_Pinball
I don't know, honestly. I know she goes over to guy's houses and has sex with them. I know that for a fact. But, we were talking about our second date only two hours before we were to meet. I don't know what happened, and really, I don't know that I even care at this point. It's bewildering to me, her behavior.
It's a lot clearer now as to what you meant by bad behavior.
It may even explain why the restaurant dates were a problem.
If I'm understanding correctly, it sounds like she views you somewhere in between a FWB and a FB. And it sounds like you want it be an exclusive real relationship.
My question is: Does she know what you want? And, if so, is she against that?
I know that now. But you have to understand, it had been almost 2 years since I'd had anything romantic with a woman, including sex. I'm not used to the hookup thing. I've never done it. I've been with a total of 5 women in my life. I was not expecting her to just come over to my house like she did. But yes, I consented.
Yes, we do.
No, we made the plans in the office, at lunch time and when she was at my desk. I never asked her out via text.
I know, that's why I'm being careful right now and trying to protect myself. If things continue like they are when I go in on Tuesday, it will be time to address this with the management team. She'll get a formal warning and then things will most likely go back to normal.
Prime example of how thinking with the wrong head--while in the wrong environment--opens the door to trouble. I like the OP though, he's rare-- a man who has admitted to a desire for companionship but at the same time not so blinded by lust that he can't see trouble when it's right in front of him.
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