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My marriage started as a sexual relationship. Four years into it, my Dw suffered a back injury, which led her to becoming celibate. The next 35 years have been platonic.
I dated a 28 year old man who was saving himself for marriage. It wasn't a fun or romantic relationship at all and he was one of the biggest jerks I've ever known.
I've known a lot of these "saving myself for marriage" types and the vast majority of them have porn addictions that they will even talk about openly. They see viewing porn as a lesser sin than having actual sex, for whatever reason. The best advice I can give anyone here is, do not get involved with these types of people.
My ex was one of those types. It literally felt like a "high school" relationship bc he refused to "go all the way" He admitted to having a problem with looking at porn and attending strip joints. He was a jerk in a ways,
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Originally Posted by Carly1983
It's funny you should say that...
I knew someone, also a total jerk, who didn't believe in having sex before marriage, had a raging porn addiction and had even been to see a prostitute (a bit of a slip up lol).
I wouldn't ever get involved with a religious person with sexual hang ups.
I'll be the third to chime in to agree with you. Something about these guys who think as long as it's not the real thing, it's okay. They must have miserable, lonely lives since they typically act like jerk and chase after fantasies.
Why hint? Just let nature take it's course and let the girl decide how far she wants to go and how quickly. If she is unwilling to do anything (kissing, petting, etc.) then you have the option of not calling again. I've never had a romantic relationship with a girl that didn't give me some encouragement (at least a passionate kiss) on the first date. If you like the girl, sex comes when and if it comes. If you only want the sex then you will be disappointed whether you get it or not.
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Originally Posted by stanley-88888888
this got me thinking:in this argument a relationship is at least two dates.
i havent dated much but in high school it was kissing only; and then, in my 20's, a couple of girlfriends where sex was involved.
i have this weird catch-22 in my head: i always worried about women labelling me a creep if i hinted at that i mite be sexually attracted to them; eventhough, superficially, part of the reason i would want to date them is because i was sexually attracted to them.
I think you’re taking that post literally. If the poster (being discussed) brought up a desire for sex, it was intended that isn’t a bizarre suggestion for a romantic relationship. It seems he intended on having sex at some time with the woman he had communicated this to. His communicating this thought, and the clumsy or odd way he worded that was what I was pointing at.
I actually intended that sex is what makes the relationship become romantic in nature. Just as I could say it isn’t bizarre that one would have to let you know they will be eating food at dinner. What is it otherwise?
People all seem to use different terminology for relationships, if the poster had a one night stand in mind, that wasn’t expressed in his writing. Which is why I used the word “relationship”.
I’m not actually romantic at all, but if a guy wasn’t attempting any physical contact by the second “date”, I’d probably become less interested in him, but there is no need to announce “I will be interested in having sexual contact with you” as if it’s a warning or something.
yeah the o.p. in the other thread was awkward. i shouldve hi-lited:
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Originally Posted by RbccL
...
Maybe it’s OPs awkward way of sexy-talk, but he’s kinda lucky she continued. It’s not bizarre to assume sex may be involved in a romantic dating relationship, I’ve never thought it necessary to sketch out the parameters before a potential date. You’ll know when it’s time, if you get there OP. Someone who lets you know they want to take it slow is giving you a heads up not to expect it immediately.
so basically, whenever you ask someone out to the movies or something, its assumed that you want to see them naked eventually ?
i guess so since so far all responders (except for one high school situation, and a couple waiting for marriage) say they always eventually had sex with their partner after dating them more than 1nce.
Last edited by stanley-88888888; 08-29-2019 at 01:53 PM..
In most cases, a strong woman is always in charge of a relationship. She can say yes or no. All the guy can do is ask.
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Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption
This is not a political thread, but i gotta respond to this. Yes, things are more "equal" now than they were 25, 50 plus years ago. But, look at the current make of the US congress (guys make up about 3/4 of it). Look at who the President is. What about the Originalist leaning of the Supreme Court? Look at who is currently in charge of Wall Street and just about every major corporation here and globally. These institutions are the power structure of the "society" you are referring to and you know who is primarily in charge of them, don't you?
All of this is occuring despite the gains being made in education. That should tell you that "society" is holding on to the same gender (and racial) power dynamic as it always has, the exception being social and cultural change. MU society has a looooooong way to go before you can credibly make the above claim.
yeah the o.p. in the other thread was awkward. i shouldve hi-lited:so basically, whenever you ask someone out to the movies or something, its assumed that you want to see them naked eventually ?
The first date or two is to get to know each other. But if both people stay attracted to each other after that, I'd say for most people that would be a valid assumption.
I had a non sexual relationship with my fiance until we got married. We got married 9 months after we met. No one, whose normal, can hold out forever.
big up to you for waiting until marriage if thats what you wanted to do. but whats the point though ?
i went to catholic school and the nun who taught health class said that spouses who engage in sex without the intent of creating a child are still sinning.
so if you did it on your honeymoon, you are still going to hell <@(j/k).
also, you ended up sleeping with him so my hypothesis is still mostly valid. the venn diagram i am trying to draw is how many times has a non-chaste couple who dated only once, end up with naked time; vs, how often does a couple date more than once and the relationship never eventually lead to naked time ?
Last edited by stanley-88888888; 08-29-2019 at 02:01 PM..
A strong woman is always in charge of a relationship. She can say yes or no. All the guy can do is ask.
You are quoting me in a response that I made to an incorrect claim from MU about society and the gender dynamic in general. I don't see the connection between my quote and your own response.
But, no, I disagree. No one person is "in charge" in a relationship. Relationships, atleast in my experience, work best on the basis of love, communication, honesty and mutual respect. If by in charge you mean that, leading up to a date, men typically ask women out and they accept or reject said request... then yes.
Getting to the Op... No I have not and would not be in such a relationship unless there was a medical or psychiatric reason that they couldn't have sex.
OK fair enough. But what does economic power in society have to do with a relationship between a man and a woman, unless one of them is in it for the money? And the discussion was about sex, so I do believe a strong woman is always in charge of whether sex will happen or not (unless she is being raped). I think most men are up for it (no pun intended) most of the time, and most women are up for it when they feel like it. There are still mutually accepted and agreed upon gender roles in relationships and this is probably one of them for many people, and that doesn't preclude love, respect, honesty and communication. For example, a man may be expected to change a tire or do other heavy mechanical work, and a woman might be expected to have a major role in taking care of an infant while the man works, rather than vice versa. It doesn't mean one person is in charge of a relationship, but it does mean they are in charge of that role in the relationship. In many relationships, the woman ultimately has the power to deny or engage in sex at any given time.
Of course it can work the other way too, a man can refuse a date or marriage or sex with an interested woman he is not interested in, or he might just be too tired on a given night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PardonTheInterruption
You are quoting me in a response that I made to an incorrect claim from MU about society and the gender dynamic in general. I don't see the connection between my quote and your own response.
But, no, I disagree. No one person is "in charge" in a relationship. Relationships, atleast in my experience, work best on the basis of love, communication, honesty and mutual respect. If by in charge you mean that, leading up to a date, men typically ask women out and they accept or reject said request... then yes.
Getting to the Op... No I have not and would not be in such a relationship unless there was a medical or psychiatric reason that they couldn't have sex.
The first date or two is to get to know each other. But if both people stay attracted to each other after that, I'd say for most people that would be a valid assumption.
this is why girls say no sometimes. i always thought: its free dinner or a free concert with no hidden agenda, why wouldnt you go just for good company and good conversation (instead of oodles-of-noodles home alone). but if she is 100 % not attracted to you and never will be then that makes alot of sense.
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You’ll know when it’s time, if you get there OP. Someone who lets you know they want to take it slow is giving you a heads up not to expect it immediately.