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I shouldn't need to explain why it was inappropriate.
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Originally Posted by Auraliea
I don't think it was inappropriate at all. It actually can be a very important part of the puzzle. There are so many situations where people's relationships with their parents deeply impacts how they have relationships with others. It's the first thing children see as they grow up. So I don't think this question is inappropriate as it is uncomfortable. In order to get to the truth, sometimes discomfort is necessary. Sugar coating and tip toeing around uncomfortable subjects gets people nowhere.
Of course it can be an important part of the puzzle, but wouldn't that apply to nearly every thread in this forum? I'm quite sure that it would be inappropriate to ask everyone that starts a thread about a relationship if their dad molested them. And, make no mistake, that's exactly what was being asked.
Of course it can be an important part of the puzzle, but wouldn't that apply to nearly every thread in this forum? I'm quite sure that it would be inappropriate to ask everyone that starts a thread about a relationship if their dad molested them. And, make no mistake, that's exactly what was being asked.
It's a matter of decency.
Ummm...WOW. THAT is not at all what I saw implied in the question of "How was the early family life of the OP, especially her relationship with her father?"
As a matter of fact, I think you would have to make a huge stretch to imply asking about molestation from that question...
I too thought it was an important question. My marriage has suffered due to my wife's bad relationship with her father and her projecting those feelings on me. She's now working those feelings out but wouldn't be if she hadn't been asked the question and realized the importance of the answer.
Ummm...WOW. THAT is not at all what I saw implied in the question of "How was the early family life of the OP, especially her relationship with her father?"
As a matter of fact, I think you would have to make a huge stretch to imply asking about molestation from that question...
And as it turns out, it is relevant since the OP came back to note that she didn't have a relationship with her father.
It would be helpful to know why she didn't have a relationship with him and if she did have a father figure in her life. A healthy father-daughter relationship is key to a young girl's self-esteem. He is the first male figure in her life and, along with her mom, can provide an irreplaceable sense of security as she grows and learns if it's OK to be her and who she is.
When kids don't have that, they grow up to be guided by self-doubt. Their relationships become characterized by insecurity and jealousy, as demonstrated in the OP.
Ummm...WOW. THAT is not at all what I saw implied in the question of "How was the early family life of the OP, especially her relationship with her father?"
I guess it could be interpreted in different ways, but I felt it was obvious what was being asked.
And I interpreted the OP's response "I didn’t have a relationship with my father" as "I didn’t have a [sexual] relationship with my father", but one person seems to think it meant the OP's father wasn't part of her life.
I really don't know at this point. Let's keep in mind, though, that the person who had asked about her father didn't say anything after the question was called out as inappropriate. To me, that's telling. But, to be fair, that person may not have returned to the thread.
I guess it could be interpreted in different ways, but I felt it was obvious what was being asked.
And I interpreted the OP's response "I didn’t have a relationship with my father" as "I didn’t have a [sexual] relationship with my father", but one person seems to think it meant the OP's father wasn't part of her life.
I really don't know at this point. Let's keep in mind, though, that the person who had asked about her father didn't say anything after the question was called out as inappropriate. To me, that's telling. But, to be fair, that person may not have returned to the thread.
Sounds like the only person who was thinking that way was you. I immediately knew what that person meant when they asked that question. And lookie here! The OP replied and said she never had a relationship with her Father!! So as BirdieBelle said and perfectly explained, it's definitely relevant to the conversation. In fact, it makes a lot more sense as to why she probably has a split personality, thinks all men want flings, and claims no guys ever pays attention to her, but in all actuality, they do! They just don't meet her obnoxious, superficial standards; probably goes for the guys who only want sex, thus creating the vicious circle she is trapped in!
Sorry OP, but most of this is due to your crappy attitude towards yourself, and men. Your friends being white have nothing to do with it either. Also, practice what you preach. You can't really b*tch and moan about all men wanting flings, when you yourself had a sugar daddy. Which brings me to my next question: Are the student loans paid off, or did he leave you with a balance when he finally cut you off?
Sounds like the only person who was thinking that way was you.
Really?
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Originally Posted by Carly1983
Isn't that getting a bit personal?
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Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Yes it is. But in a lot of cases (mine included) if your family life was up, that is going to impact how you look at relationships and dating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea
I don't think it was inappropriate at all. It actually can be a very important part of the puzzle. There are so many situations where people's relationships with their parents deeply impacts how they have relationships with others. It's the first thing children see as they grow up. So I don't think this question is inappropriate as it is uncomfortable. In order to get to the truth, sometimes discomfort is necessary. Sugar coating and tip toeing around uncomfortable subjects gets people nowhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DK736
And lookie here! The OP replied and said she never had a relationship with her Father!!
...which, as was already noted, could be interpreted more than one way - especially considering that the question was already questioned prior to the OP's response.
redplum33 I have a question... Do you believe that the phrase "Daddy issues" refers to a woman who was molested as a child?
I am genuinely curious. I never took it to mean such, and so when the question about her relationship with her father was asked, I didn't see that in it, either. I take both things to mean a girl who was maybe the child of divorce, neglected or abandoned by her father, or punished too strictly or something. Any sort of relationship with one's opposite-sex parent that caused deeply rooted psychological issues...and there are so many that are a lot more likely than molestation.
Don't get me wrong though, even if the question about "daddy issues" had nothing to do with sexual abuse, it's STILL a very personal question. It's one of those "sit on the couch and let's talk about your childhood" kind of things...one doesn't simply ask a casual stranger or barely-acquaintance to treat you like their therapist.
redplum33 I have a question... Do you believe that the phrase "Daddy issues" refers to a woman who was molested as a child?
I am genuinely curious. I never took it to mean such, and so when the question about her relationship with her father was asked, I didn't see that in it, either. I take both things to mean a girl who was maybe the child of divorce, neglected or abandoned by her father, or punished too strictly or something. Any sort of relationship with one's opposite-sex parent that caused deeply rooted psychological issues...and there are so many that are a lot more likely than molestation.
Don't get me wrong though, even if the question about "daddy issues" had nothing to do with sexual abuse, it's STILL a very personal question. It's one of those "sit on the couch and let's talk about your childhood" kind of things...one doesn't simply ask a casual stranger or barely-acquaintance to treat you like their therapist.
The phrase "daddy issues" wasn't used. This was the question:
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Originally Posted by PilgrimsProgress
How was the early family life of the OP, especially her relationship with her father?
When I read that, it felt like something inappropriate was being suggested. The posts from Carly and Dissenter confirmed my suspicions.
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Originally Posted by Carly1983
Isn't that getting a bit personal?
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Yes it is. But in a lot of cases (mine included) if your family life was up, that is going to impact how you look at relationships and dating.
I’m not the most attractive girl ever. In fact, I’m pretty average. I’m not white. I take very good care of my body. I’m very thin and fit. However, I have friends who are white, tall, blonde. Whenever we go out, they stand out more, even if they are not thin or fit. (I’m making mention of the body because it is the only thing I can change about myself. I really do take great care of my body, but I guess that’s not important to men.) I live in New York City and I definitely don’t stand out. Whenever I am out with my girlfriends, they have men approach them first. So I just end up sitting at the bar alone, or excuse myself and go home early.
I am in my mid-20s and have never had a boyfriend. I kind of give up dating. I don’t even allow myself to fall for a man because chances are, he won’t like me back. I’ve never been in a relationship. Sure, I’ve had flings, but no man has ever liked me enough to make me his girlfriend.
I tried dating apps, but you know what? Maybe something is wrong with the way I look. I have olive skin and black hair. There are actually gorgeous models on dating apps, so I’m not a top choice for anyone.
I’m not sure what to do. I just don’t even want to be with anyone anymore because I’m so used to not having anyone. But I’ve never had a boyfriend. Don’t even know what it feels like to know a man longer than a one-night stand. (Men will sleep with anything.)
Your last thread is about your "boyfriend" who is your sugar daddy basically.
With reading the two, sounds like you need a therapist.
redplum33 I have a question... Do you believe that the phrase "Daddy issues" refers to a woman who was molested as a child?
I am genuinely curious. I never took it to mean such, and so when the question about her relationship with her father was asked, I didn't see that in it, either. I take both things to mean a girl who was maybe the child of divorce, neglected or abandoned by her father, or punished too strictly or something. Any sort of relationship with one's opposite-sex parent that caused deeply rooted psychological issues...and there are so many that are a lot more likely than molestation.
Don't get me wrong though, even if the question about "daddy issues" had nothing to do with sexual abuse, it's STILL a very personal question. It's one of those "sit on the couch and let's talk about your childhood" kind of things...one doesn't simply ask a casual stranger or barely-acquaintance to treat you like their therapist.
To answer your question, Sonic, no, that's not how I view the phrase "daddy issues". I see it along the same lines as what you described - with an emphasis on having been abandoned.
Again, though, I wasn't commenting about "daddy issues".
It would be nice if PilgrimsProgress would comment. But, either way, I'm going to drop this as it feels like the thread has been hijacked. This part of the discussion isn't helping the OP.
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up, that is going to impact how you look at relationships and dating.
