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Really horrible break-up with girl with really horrible problems. She basically initiated out of the blue and went ballistic cruel on me one night after my basically caring for/protecting her and I finally struck back (verbally).
I ignored her next time I saw her, it drove her to pick up some really sleazy guy 10 feet away from me, funny enough she still seems to be with her. Totally against her type (stylish, smart, ambitious) but she appears/appeared to be in a free-fall as it was. Many people told me she was seen stumbling out of bars drunk off her a**.
I'd always make a point if she came into common place (which she stopped going to almost altogether) to pay my bill calmly and leave, and the few times I walked past her on street (almost always with 'the guy') I ignored her.
Found out after putting some two and twos together she was keeping tabs on how I was reacting to the random sitings and discovered accidentally (email tracker I installed for business REALLY) she was also reading old really nice emails from me. One is an email she sneeered at me about when we broke up, yet once I got the re-read notices I decided to look closer and turns out she read that about 15 times in 3 days when I had sent it to her over and over (yet sneered at ME a week later about it).
Once the dust settled a couple months later (and also because it appeared she was spiraling down) I sent her a few nice emails (4 over around 4 months). Not reconciliation ones, just ones moving past the horrid last day and letting her know I cared and hoped she was well. For whatever it had been worth I HAD been a source of strength/support for her which she even admitted e.g. I finally feel safe enough to be myself again, thank you for taking the terror out of my life for even a few moments, I haven't felt comfortable enough to do ABC even with family in years etc. So not a shallow sex/physical relationship, a very important one at a very important time in her life, one she decided to firebomb out of her life.
Not sure she expected me to about face and say fine see ya and cut her off.
Anyway I noticed she read all of those over and over and wold then 'happen' to show up at 'our place' a few days later. But with the guy. But then I'd see she'd read it again at like 3am
So a few weeks back (this almost 1/2 year after breakup) sent another really nice/caring one. Again not pining, accusatory, just basically I cared and care and hope things turn out for you. She read over and over. Then two weeks later I get email pings and she is reading at 2am, 3am, 5am etc. Basically I'm imaging in bed in the dark reading over and over. She "happened" to show up at our place next day smiled said 'hey!' and I replied so first nice exchange in 1/2 a year. That night reading same email from say 2am to 5am over and over.
But not reaching out to me. Which is weird. So I'm unclear on her behavior but tht is nothing new as when we were together it was the most confusing pull/push distance/affection cycle I ever encountered. And zero 'agency'.
I get she is probably best left in rear window but the heck of it is, romance aside, I really deeply care for her and my heart breaks for what she is doing and does to her. And know in my heart I was so good for her. I know her friend(s) knew and I am sure her mother knew. And I'm sure SHE knew.
Thoughts on a) why she re-reads and b) why she doesn't reach out and c) should I?
Last edited by confusedashell; 08-30-2019 at 10:27 AM..
So, she broke-up with you and you are now posting mean things about her? Who cares what she is doing and with whom? You sound jealous.
Why are you checking on the mail's you sent her? Delete all and you will not get notifications.
If she is seeing now some low life -it's her choice, so let it be.
I always wonder why some people just don't let go.
It's over. Move on.
Er I didn't post a single mean thing about her in the thread. And 'some people' don't let go because some connections are important and not always replaceable. And clearly SHE is holding on as well as witnessed by endless late night reading of affectionate/love emails. Everything doesn't fit into a cookie-cutter. If you will notice I also sent her nice letters not mean ones. You do get people can still care about each other even when "it" is "over" right? Clearly that is the case here.
Really horrible break-up with girl with really horrible problems. She basically initiated out of the blue and went ballistic cruel on me one night after my basically caring for/protecting her and I finally struck back (verbally).
I ignored her next time I saw her, it drove her to pick up some really sleazy guy 10 feet away from me, funny enough she still seems to be with her. Totally against her type (stylish, smart, ambitious) but she appears/appeared to be in a free-fall as it was. Many people told me she was seen stumbling out of bars drunk off her a**.
I'd always make a point if she came into common place (which she stopped going to almost altogether) to pay my bill calmly and leave, and the few times I walked past her on street (almost always with 'the guy') I ignored her.
Found out after putting some two and twos together she was keeping tabs on how I was reacting to the random sitings and discovered accidentally (email tracker I installed for business REALLY) she was also reading old really nice emails from me. One is an email she sneeered at me about when we broke up, yet once I got the re-read notices I decided to look closer and turns out she read that about 15 times in 3 days when I had sent it to her over and over (yet sneered at ME a week later about it).
Once the dust settled a couple months later (and also because it appeared she was spiraling down) I sent her a few nice emails (4 over around 4 months). Not reconciliation ones, just ones moving past the horrid last day and letting her know I cared and hoped she was well. For whatever it had been worth I HAD been a source of strength/support for her which she even admitted e.g. I finally feel safe enough to be myself again, thank you for taking the terror out of my life for even a few moments, I haven't felt comfortable enough to do ABC even with family in years etc. So not a shallow sex/physical relationship, a very important one at a very important time in her life, one she decided to firebomb out of her life.
Not sure she expected me to about face and say fine see ya and cut her off.
Anyway I noticed she read all of those over and over and wold then 'happen' to show up at 'our place' a few days later. But with the guy. But then I'd see she'd read it again at like 3am
So a few weeks back (this almost 1/2 year after breakup) sent another really nice/caring one. Again not pining, accusatory, just basically I cared and care and hope things turn out for you. She read over and over. Then two weeks later I get email pings and she is reading at 2am, 3am, 5am etc. Basically I'm imaging in bed in the dark reading over and over. She "happened" to show up at our place next day smiled said 'hey!' and I replied so first nice exchange in 1/2 a year. That night reading same email from say 2am to 5am over and over.
But not reaching out to me. Which is weird. So I'm unclear on her behavior but tht is nothing new as when we were together it was the most confusing pull/push distance/affection cycle I ever encountered. And zero 'agency'.
I get she is probably best left in rear window but the heck of it is, romance aside, I really deeply care for her and my heart breaks for what she is doing and does to her. And know in my heart I was so good for her. I know her friend(s) knew and I am sure her mother knew. And I'm sure SHE knew.
Thoughts on a) why she re-reads and b) why she doesn't reach out and c) should I?
Should you reach out??
You've BEEN reaching out for months, and it hasn't worked.
Sending her "nice" emails wishing her well... when she booted you. Your motives are transparent, sir.
Stop tracking her, and find a different "common place."
Er I didn't post a single mean thing about her in the thread. And 'some people' don't let go because some connections are important and not always replaceable. And clearly SHE is holding on as well as witnessed by endless late night reading of affectionate/love emails. Everything doesn't fit into a cookie-cutter. If you will notice I also sent her nice letters not mean ones. You do get people can still care about each other even when "it" is "over" right? Clearly that is the case here.
So it sounds like you don't want a new gf but just want to hang on to the old gf?
You've BEEN reaching out for months, and it hasn't worked.
Sending her "nice" emails wishing her well... when she booted you. Your motives are transparent, sir.
Stop tracking her, and find a different "common place."
Always amazed by the small minded nastiness of boards, I should learn my lesson. My motives are I care for her. And let her know after a really bad and unexpected implosion on her part. She clearly cares as she reads over and over for months, doesn't delete, doesn't ignore and is now finding ways to reach out.
This isn't a cookie-cutter for a cookie-cutter reply. Two people. Really cared. Deep connection. Many issues. One person imploded, and is by all accounts spiralling down and out. The other reached out a few times to let the other person know they cared.
Sorry if you've been stalked or someone you moved on from didn't let go. Try reading instead of reacting to your own past.
Always amazed by the small minded nastiness of boards, I should learn my lesson. My motives are I care for her. And let her know after a really bad and unexpected implosion on her part. She clearly cares as she reads over and over for months, doesn't delete, doesn't ignore and is now finding ways to reach out.
This isn't a cookie-cutter for a cookie-cutter reply. Two people. Really cared. Deep connection. Many issues. One person imploded, and is by all accounts spiralling down and out. The other reached out a few times to let the other person know they cared.
Sorry if you've been stalked or someone you moved on from didn't let go. Try reading instead of reacting to your own past.
**sigh**
You really are confused.
Look, I'm sorry you fell for a girl with, as you put it, "really horrible problems."
But the fact is that you cannot save or fix her, and you are reading into her actions (that you shouldn't even know about) in order to preserve your fixation on her, when you really need to see the situation as it is.
That's not "nastiness." That's a wake-up call.
You are ignoring the facts, which are that she KNOWS you care about her and she KNOWS you've reached out (multiple times) but she doesn't care. Your situation isn't all that special. You aren't star-crossed lovers with a celestial connection. You are a guy who fell for a girl who has emotional issues. Happens every day. It sucks, but it happens.
So be glad you are no longer part of her horrible problems, stop tracking her, and move forward with your life.
So it sounds like you don't want a new gf but just want to hang on to the old gf?
Gods. I don't want her as a gf. Not sure what people are missing here. Everything is not about dating and sex right? To clarify; this was a person I really cared about who was going through some really bad bad times I was there for her for. We had a very deep connection. Her problems caused her to implode. We had horrific right when she did (manic episode?). I said things I regretted in response to her explosion and removed myself completely and I'd say unexpectedly from her life, UTTERLY ignoring her and no-contacting her. It wasn't a high-school break-up. I removed myself from someone's life who was suicidally depressed and drinking herself to death and I was a source of great support and care for her and am POSITIVE my rejection of her deeply wounded her and my abscense in her life as well. I cared for her and care for her. So when I finally got over the pain of the wounds she inflcted and the to be honest trauma of caring for her I reached out to make sure she didn't think I hated her and wished her well. Clearly these meant and mean something as she reads them over and over and over.
Not sure why that needs to be put in some loser-who-can't-move-on-leave-the-poor-girl-alone box.
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