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Hey there;
This is bang on; I was going on meetings and activities too with this third person until 3 months ago; My wife can not go alone, as we have people observing her behavior constantly.
The things started to go haywire when on last minute he cancelled my alone guys only Camping trip with his other friends; he made excuse that they had fight with his friends and half the people cancelled; so, id have to pay for the whole camp site myself, later I find picture where everyone is present so why did he cancelled me, was he scared that some information would leak if we were drunk?
I observe that he is pushing away other guys and friends from my wife life; and I start to put a picture together that was not present up to that point.
Up to recently my wife having friends and me joining them was a normal activity but this person is family relative so he is able to penetrate in to my house and is starting to make important decision which I did not mind as long as things were discussed and planned by conssulting me and I felt I was in charge of decision making;
But just now I am starting to see that my wife is planning things in advance such as religious gathering, family visit or Trips in advance and I am informed last minute; and being happy go round guy I would not refuse the request but I feel that they know things in advance and I am merely informed after the things have been decided.
The biggest part about all this is that my own family is very closed and does not have many friends, Trips, or religions gathering and many things that my wife plans on achieving; So, having him around makes things possible.
The Next move they are planning is his mom taking care of the Baby while she goes back to work at least until my parents come back from India; and then having a my baby's birthday Party which I would like to have at home as that's what my brother did to save money but she is saying that he will pay for all expenses and it will take place in the hall.
We are also planning on Buying our separate house soon after my parents arrival and he is integral part of that plan; my wife is saying that he will pay certain down payment as well for the house; and this is her dream to leave separately from my parents; So, how would you guys calculate all this?
His mother will care for the baby? A baby's birthday in some sort of venue? Dude, whether it's affordable or not you have to start saying no to crazy things.
OP It is really hard to understand what you WANT. What your GOAL is.
The goal is to be happy; but I have to be part of that Happiness.
What I am looking for is going out doing activities with other people; but at the heart of each activity or action we have to be part of such things; the moment another person penetrates the barrier the conflict arises.
She was becoming way too comfortable with this guys, and it became desperately clear that these guys would do anything she requested of them.
Initially when she came over from India she would ask for my advice and share her expectations and life experiences with me but having disagreement related to family and expenses issues she sought out other guys to calm her down and make her comfortable.
So, now she will not share whats in her mind as she expects that I would disagree and brings in another party to make things happen; I always thought about two of us when every I had family or expense related issues but she took it personally.
Up to recently my wife having friends and me joining them was a normal activity but this person is family relative so he is able to penetrate in to my house and is starting to make important decision which I did not mind as long as things were discussed and planned by conssulting me and I felt I was in charge of decision making;
Quote:
Originally Posted by indca
Until now, she had to follow my advice as I would simply describe our financial situation and she would comply but with added armor from this guys family she feels she can penetrate that option to get what she wants.
This guy is penetrating something but it is not your house.....
Let me see if I can summarize:
-Wife is attractive and charismatic and attracts men like a magnet. She relishes the attention and hasn't ever deflected it even when married. This has been going on for 8+ years.
-Wife gets baby fever and suddenly gets pregnant even though her husband has fertility issues.
-OP is in denial that the baby may not be his and thinks a DNA test can only worsen things.
-In all this time nothing has improved. OP is met with hostility and manipulation like the suicide threats to comply with what wife wants. In the end, every time, the wife "wins".
-Wife is blatantly and openly cheating with the OPs knowledge and implicit consent. He even knows their favorite spot is the mall by his GPS snooping.
-The OP is being used because he is a convenient babysitter and bank account.
Thats the Exact thing that comes to my mind; There are certain things that are out of my reach at this moment like throwing A birthday party for my baby, buying a house or going to India possibly; We just sponsored her parents to come over and had a big Baby shower Party.
Right now, my focus is on saving money for the down payment for the house that we have to buy soon; but from her understanding because we went to cousins children birthday party that we should do the same. She has certain things as a checklist that she has to get done while my focus is always on the money.
Until now, she had to follow my advice as I would simply describe our financial situation and she would comply but with added armor from this guys family she feels she can penetrate that option to get what she wants.
Just yesterday out of no where she says she wants to visit India, she says she needs time alone to figure things out; but again I remind her that we have always done trips and vacations together; so, why is she changing that now; I have asked her to set up any ideas where we can do activity together as going to India is a big financial burden that we can not afford.
I recognize you from another site where I lurk. You got some amazing advice over there about exposing your wife's affair to your family and the other man's family.
When you didn't, they stopped helping you and started ignoring you, right?
I am not sure if you are temporary delusional or actually mentally ill. This is getting ridiculous.
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