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It sounds like you share a house with your brother, and both of you (or all 4 of you, including spouses) support your parents?
I would move to a property, where the parents have a separate unit, at the very least. You need some separation between the parents and your wife. You can see, that it's not fair to her, and it's adversely affecting the marriage to have the parents so close. Perhaps you all could buy a triplex together, where everyone has a separate apartment. Just a thought. Or a quadriplex, so you could have some rental income. It would be a good investment.
Not that corralling your parents into a separate unit would be a magic bullet, but it would be one step. You could then work to create better boundaries, and work on putting your foot down with your mother.
Desperately wanting a baby due to social pressure isn't a good reason to have a baby. But it's too late now. Still, 4 months of "trying" isn't anything excessive, nothing to get anxious about. It's too bad she threw that in your face, and too bad she allowed herself to be influenced by pressures to begin with. I hope the child is loved, in any case.
As for this:
Quote:
She says she cares about me and has been with me for all this time and to Trust her; Yet, She wants me to stop using my phone which I use to just browse Forums or playing games when I am around home as she wants my complete attention if I want her to stop talking to the Friend.
OP, she's giving you hope. You need to take this seriously. She's telling you that the future isn't bleak, and that the problem/s can be solved, but that it's up to you. This is huge! Be grateful for this; she's still with you, and wants to make a go of the marriage. You need to grab this and run with it!
Take steps to create more of a family life with her, and more of a couple-life. You need to spend more time bonding with her, listening to her and comforting her (so she doesn't seek that elsewhere), and working with her as a team to address familial problems and issues that arise. Once the child is one year old, and not so dependent on its mother, you could ask your family members to look after the child for a weekend now and then, and have a nice getaway with your wife, to build a stronger bond with each other. This will be a priceless investment in your marriage!
I don't think the obstacles are insurmountable. But you need to re-think the way in which you relate to your wife. And hopefully, over time, she will soften her way of relating to you; she's been harsh on occasion, which isn't warranted IMO, but with time and patience, I think you could build a solid marriage. Good luck!
It sounds like you share a house with your brother, and both of you (or all 4 of you, including spouses) support your parents?
I would move to a property, where the parents have a separate unit, at the very least. You need some separation between the parents and your wife. You can see, that it's not fair to her, and it's adversely affecting the marriage to have the parents so close. Perhaps you all could buy a triplex together, where everyone has a separate apartment. Just a thought. Or a quadriplex, so you could have some rental income. It would be a good investment.
Not that corralling your parents into a separate unit would be a magic bullet, but it would be one step. You could then work to create better boundaries, and work on putting your foot down with your mother.
Desperately wanting a baby due to social pressure isn't a good reason to have a baby. But it's too late now. Still, 4 months of "trying" isn't anything excessive, nothing to get anxious about. It's too bad she threw that in your face, and too bad she allowed herself to be influenced by pressures to begin with. I hope the child is loved, in any case.
As for this:
OP, she's giving you hope. You need to take this seriously. She's telling you that the future isn't bleak, and that the problem/s can be solved, but that it's up to you. This is huge! Be grateful for this; she's still with you, and wants to make a go of the marriage. You need to grab this and run with it!
Take steps to create more of a family life with her, and more of a couple-life. You need to spend more time bonding with her, listening to her and comforting her (so she doesn't seek that elsewhere), and working with her as a team to address familial problems and issues that arise. Once the child is one year old, and not so dependent on its mother, you could ask your family members to look after the child for a weekend now and then, and have a nice getaway with your wife, to build a stronger bond with each other. This will be a priceless investment in your marriage!
I don't think the obstacles are insurmountable. But you need to re-think the way in which you relate to your wife. And hopefully, over time, she will soften her way of relating to you; she's been harsh on occasion, which isn't warranted IMO, but with time and patience, I think you could build a solid marriage. Good luck!
Thanks for the support;
The issue with parents is they are frustrated with my wife and sister in laws as well; but we can not just drop them from our life and my sister in law hates my mom more then my wife.
And my wife wants to buy house far away from my brother and mom as she likes her independence.
So, now I'll focus more on us and how we can live better lives while our parents are away in india; I'll keep reminding her that I care about her and encourage our bright future together to make strong bond between us .
My Wife Emotional Relation with another Men; What would help?
Hello there Guys;
Are there any sources or books where I can dig up information Regarding Emotional Affairs? As I have been reading and find lots of books regarding infidelity and cheating but very few sources dealing specifically with strong emotional attachment for another.
So, far I have read through books such as 5 love languages, hold me tight and the state of affairs content from Esther Perrel.
What I am finding is this third Person is penetrating in to my life; and because this person aligns so much with my wife; it seems like a losing battle.
We have known the third person for last 2 years; He is married and has two daughters and is successful career wise being manager and owning two houses.
I was joining them in conversations and activities after work until 3 months ago; As I found this person had vast knowledge and became supportive in our conflicts with extended family issues and just being a good friend;
His wife never knew that we met this often as he would usually give excuse like going to Gym or Overtime work;
But, then I realized that something was going wrong as my wife was starting to avoid other relative and friends and solely investing all the time with this third Person.
I than had a conversation regarding whats important in life and third person said my wife as I was leaning more toward other things we need to work on in life and other person kept insisting that having full attention to my wife was the most important thing for him.
Now, I have asked my wife to limit contact with this third person and increase our own connection as I feel like I am losing her; my wife says that being good friend its her duty to bring changes to this third person as well as he was supportive to us;
After this conversation regarding limited contact they are doing same thing to me; as they are meeting and talking while I am not there and she makes excuse like she was doing something else. I told her that how he is penetrating but she says that he has wisdom and she needs him to give direction and emotional support.
He know what she requires and needs and is always there for her and would come even night time if she calls him;So, in such a strong emotional relation what would you guys say is the right action for me?
Hello there Guys;
Are there any sources or books where I can dig up information Regarding Emotional Affairs? As I have been reading and find lots of books regarding infidelity and cheating but very few sources dealing specifically with strong emotional attachment for another.
So, far I have read through books such as 5 love languages, hold me tight and the state of affairs content from Esther Perrel.
What I am finding is this third Person is penetrating in to my life; and because this person aligns so much with my wife; it seems like a losing battle.
We have known the third person for last 2 years; He is married and has two daughters and is successful career wise being manager and owning two houses.
I was joining them in conversations and activities after work until 3 months ago; As I found this person had vast knowledge and became supportive in our conflicts with extended family issues and just being a good friend;
His wife never knew that we met this often as he would usually give excuse like going to Gym or Overtime work;
But, then I realized that something was going wrong as my wife was starting to avoid other relative and friends and solely investing all the time with this third Person.
I than had a conversation regarding whats important in life and third person said my wife as I was leaning more toward other things we need to work on in life and other person kept insisting that having full attention to my wife was the most important thing for him.
Now, I have asked my wife to limit contact with this third person and increase our own connection as I feel like I am losing her; my wife says that being good friend its her duty to bring changes to this third person as well as he was supportive to us;
After this conversation regarding limited contact they are doing same thing to me; as they are meeting and talking while I am not there and she makes excuse like she was doing something else. I told her that how he is penetrating but she says that he has wisdom and she needs him to give direction and emotional support.
He know what she requires and needs and is always there for her and would come even night time if she calls him;So, in such a strong emotional relation what would you guys say is the right action for me?
Honestly, you couldn't get much better advice than Esther Perel.
The thing is ... it's up to your wife.
She is still choosing him over you, even after you have expressed concern. The only thing you can do at this point is issue an ultimatum, and follow through with it.
Honestly, you couldn't get much better advice than Esther Perel.
The thing is ... it's up to your wife.
She is still choosing him over you, even after you have expressed concern. The only thing you can do at this point is issue an ultimatum, and follow through with it.
The Biggest concern is we are planning all activities with that family only; we had multiple trips last year with them and my wife is consistently adding next activity together.
I do not want to talk to third person about this issue and only her but she wants me to talk to him, Should I?
Third person helped to take her to hospital when she was pregnant as I could not always get time off from work and helped out a lot when every time we needed it; and My wife is saying that we do not have another person who can relate to us like him; She says that she can not cut him out like that and she has a emotional connection with him.
We are going for a couples Therapy and she is admitted that she is having an emotional affair and that I can not do anything about it; as I do not share her interests or give attention that is required.
I know with baby its hard and emotionally challenging for my wife but this third Person is impeding in to our family dynamics and I feel very uneasy about the whole scenario.
I do not want to talk to third person about this issue and only her but she wants me to talk to him, Should I?
No, this is between you and her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by indca
Third person helped to take her to hospital when she was pregnant as I could not always get time off from work...
This ^^^ is a problem. No wonder she has an emotional dependency on him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by indca
We are going for a couples Therapy and she is admitted that she is having an emotional affair and that I can not do anything about it; as I do not share her interests or give attention that is required.
This ^^ is a HUGE problem, and that is YOUR problem to fix.
This ^^ is a HUGE problem, and that is YOUR problem to fix.
She is turning to him to take your place.
What are you going to do to change that???
The part you glossed over was that his wife said he couldn't do anything about it. People will generate all sorts of BS excuses why they do things they know are wrong. He can fix those problems and there will be more excuses after that. So trying to say this is HIS problem to fix based on his wife's excuse is ridiculously unfair. It's much more complicated than that.
The part you glossed over was that his wife said he couldn't do anything about it. People will generate all sorts of BS excuses why they do things they know are wrong. He can fix those problems and there will be more excuses after that. So trying to say this is HIS problem to fix based on his wife's excuse is ridiculously unfair. It's much more complicated than that.
Do you know these people? Do you know how much he has tried or not tried already?
Right now, it sounds like he is allowing the other guy to serve as a proxy in his own marriage. Who knows how much he has already done to "fix this"?
Right now, he is blaming the other guy and his wife, but not really taking accountability for his own shortcomings that his wife has clearly warned him about.
So he can either take action or continue to let these two carry on as they are.
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My Wife Emotional Relation with another Men; What would help?
