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Old 11-10-2019, 09:06 AM
 
13,168 posts, read 21,762,237 times
Reputation: 14056

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Quote:
Originally Posted by indca View Post
His wife never knew that we met this often as he would usually give excuse like going to Gym or Overtime work;
So basically he's cheating on his wife. Tell his wife what's goin on and see where the chips fall after that.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:12 AM
 
7,583 posts, read 4,136,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdog View Post
The part you glossed over was that his wife said he couldn't do anything about it. People will generate all sorts of BS excuses why they do things they know are wrong. He can fix those problems and there will be more excuses after that. So trying to say this is HIS problem to fix based on his wife's excuse is ridiculously unfair. It's much more complicated than that.
She has already indicated one way to resolve the problem, to talk to the other man. See the quote below.

Quote:
Originally Posted by indca View Post
I do not want to talk to third person about this issue and only her but she wants me to talk to him, Should I?
He should talk to the other man. I have not had an issue with another woman taking my spot, perhaps because my husband marks the boundaries well or women don't really go after him. But my friends have had the problem. They are very social and have no problem making new friends and inviting them over to their home. When a woman is behaving in a way that is not acceptable, my friends respond differently. One will tap her husband on the leg. Another will speak to the woman alone. And another will tell both her husband and the woman at the same time what she doesn't like.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,288,409 times
Reputation: 30257
Time to set some boundaries and ultimatums. Don’t be a fool. Put your foot down.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:19 AM
 
13,168 posts, read 21,762,237 times
Reputation: 14056
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Do you know these people? Do you know how much he has tried or not tried already?

Right now, it sounds like he is allowing the other guy to serve as a proxy in his own marriage. Who knows how much he has already done to "fix this"?

Right now, he is blaming the other guy and his wife, but not really taking accountability for his own shortcomings that his wife has clearly warned him about.

So he can either take action or continue to let these two carry on as they are.
Calm down, you don't know these people either.

The OP is clearly taking action by (a) reading relationship books, (b) going to therapy, and (c) reaching out to strangers for advice. He has obviously considered what it would take for him to fix this, but he quotes his wife as saying that he can't fix it. It sounds to me that she may not want it fixed.

This is a couple's problem and it needs to be addressed by both of them. It's clearly not all on him.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:20 AM
 
47 posts, read 27,094 times
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Over time I have given up games, watching TV and am always home when not working along side her; but she says she does not share things with me because I have conflicting opinion with her and she is choosing to keep her problems to her self and not share.

In terms of Connection I have a different opinion when it comes to fasting for religious matter as she is putting her self and baby health at risk by fasting when ever some religious event is coming as we are from south Indian Background; she says that I do not understand her feelings regarding this matter.

Last year we have Baby Shower Party and her Parents came over from India which we paid for the trip; Now, She wants to celebrate baby's first birthday in Party hall and I tell her about having party at home to save money for future but again she becomes emotional and the third Person is saying they will pay for the birthday party.

It seems on all counts the third person is supporting her in whatever decision while I am fighting back due to financial and emotional stress that come from various things.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:24 AM
 
7,583 posts, read 4,136,360 times
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Talk to the other guy. Thank him for helping your wife during the pregnancy but that his help is not needed anymore. If your wife is unhappy with that choice, allow her to make the move to divorce. Talk to your pediatrician regarding the fasting.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by kdog View Post
Calm down, you don't know these people either.

The OP is clearly taking action by (a) reading relationship books, (b) going to therapy, and (c) reaching out to strangers for advice. He has obviously considered what it would take for him to fix this, but he quotes his wife as saying that he can't fix it. It sounds to me that she may not want it fixed.

This is a couple's problem and it needs to be addressed by both of them. It's clearly not all on him.
Never said it was.

Reading books and searching online are all indirect actions. The main thing he needs to do is be with his wife and strengthen their bond.

Talking to the other guy or his wife is a bad idea. The OP's wife is the gatekeeper here, and she is holding that door wide open for this other guy. She needs to stop depending on him emotionally, but the OP will have to step up and be there for her so she will want to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by indca View Post

It seems on all counts the third person is supporting her in whatever decision while I am fighting back due to financial and emotional stress that come from various things.
Have you told her that having him undermine your marriage is wrong? Does she not even care that getting her way in every situation is not necessarily the goal of marriage?
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:35 AM
 
7,583 posts, read 4,136,360 times
Reputation: 6935
There is a purpose for talking to the third party who is over stepping boundaries, when it is all said and done, if the wife did not like the interaction, there are two possible outcomes. She will handle the issue next time instead of having her husband do it for her. Or she has paved the way for a divorce if now both parties know the OP is unhappy but continue their relationship without change. That is, of course, if the OP can stomach a divorce.
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
There is a purpose for talking to the third party who is over stepping boundaries, when it is all said and done, if the wife did not like the interaction, there are two possible outcomes. She will handle the issue next time instead of having her husband do it for her. Or she has paved the way for a divorce if now both parties know the OP is unhappy but continue their relationship without change. That is, of course, if the OP can stomach a divorce.
I have experience with this from both sides of the equation, and there is nothing more pathetic than a spouse going to the other man or woman and "warning" them to stop.

At that point, all that can be said is, "Dude, take it up with your wife."

A marriage's first line of defense is the two people in it, and the OP will be aiming at the wrong target if he goes to the other guy or his wife.

If he can't even get his own wife to respect his wishes, why should the other guy???
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Old 11-10-2019, 09:41 AM
 
7,583 posts, read 4,136,360 times
Reputation: 6935
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
I have experience with this from both sides of the equation, and there is nothing more pathetic than a spouse going to the other man or woman and "warning" them to stop.

At that point, all that can be said is, "Dude, take it up with your wife."

A marriage's first line of defense is the two people in it, and the OP will be aiming at the wrong target if he goes to the other guy or his wife.

If he can't even get his own wife to respect his wishes, why should the other guy???
If a somebody said "Dude, take it up with your wife" now you know that he has no intentions of changing his interaction. If the wife sees nothing wrong with this, it is time to divorce. It is obvious from his posts that she has no intention of changing or respecting him. She has some sort of loyalty to this other guy because he helped her.
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