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I think it's great that you were able to give her some comfort. I don't think you should jump to any negative conclusions about her, as some people here are suggesting, because you yourself know what a difficult time she's going through right now.
Yeah, I just spoke with a friend of mine on this, she told me I've always had the knack or vibe for lending a good ear for people who need to air out their situation. I was actually kind of surprised at one of the "That's not good bro" response, "She's going to cut ties after her father dies". Kind of defeatist in a sense.
At her peak of venting when she's heard the latest news on her father, I asked her if she'd be up for getting together. (in the mood). She said she was still on board, and we went out. Because I kind of thought if she'd have her head in the game after finding out updates on his health...which had no been so good lately.
You both connected over sick parents. You said she was sending you status reports on her dad the week before you met in person. Was he having a rough week with his illness? If he was, she may have just been scared and sought solace with you knowing you’ve had the same experience with your father.
I think it’s a good sign that she apologized. She’s aware that she may have crossed a boundary and hopefully will tread a little more lightly next time. Give her a couple more dates and see what happens.
She has a sick father and decides to get on an internet dating site and talk to strangers about it? And in great detail?
Emotionally stable people don't do that. Even when times are hard.
Even the "I met so many perverts and weirdos, but you're such a gentleman" is psycho tell. It isn't a compliment.
Watch out, OP.
Wow, aren't you quite the glass half full kind of guy. lol :P
Quote:
Even the "I met so many perverts and weirdos, but you're such a gentleman" is psycho tell. It isn't a compliment.
Not sure how you risen to this conclusion, because it's simply a fact. And it wasn't phrased like that, it came up organically when I asked about how it's been for her on the site.
She never said, "you're such a gentleman!" either.
Incorrect, she started talking about her father BEFORE we met (on the phone), then apologized prior to us meeting.
Doesnt matter, the idea was a date, you didnt meet on a sickly relatives site then decide to go on a date.
Bottom line is if you dont want to possibly lose her romantic interest, you might want to steer the conversation away from her father.
Well, she is brand new to the area. She moved states away to live here. New to the site, new to living here.
My only ace in the hole is that she grew tired of the site after so many perverts and weirdos contacted her and it was me that was the only gentleman that contacted her. lol.
So I have those going for me.
I guess she doesnt have any other relatives to talk to about her father? Either way, not your worry.
I hope you can use it to your advantage that you were the only non weirdo that contacted her.
You got her sick father conversation out of the way, see if you can keep the conversation away from that.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 6 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Well, I caved after a break from online dating and tried another 3 months this year. Went out with a woman, prior to meeting, we talked a lot on the phone and she apparently is dealing with a very sick father. He's hospitalized and very worried and has found me to open up to about this rather extensively.
Believe it or not, I sympathized with her, Told her of my father's ailments prior to him passing and such...as he also suffered from multiple health issues.
We really connected, and for some reason she saw to it that she would open up to me like that. She would give me updates about her father's condition through out the week. I wound up being her emotional support before even meeting, but I felt we really clicked prior to meeting last night.
Then later she apologize for dumping all that on me, I told her that I had people tell me I tend to be a good listener and support system. But she said it was still wrong for her to do that.
I dunno if forgiveness for being a decent human being is quite odd to forgive someone for. I mean I could have said, "Yeah, you're right, I was kind of getting sick of hearing about your dying father" but that would be a bit wrong, would it? (Rhetorical).
In the past I've had this happen with women I would just meet, not all the time, but sometimes I would think this is an indicator of true interest. That they are comfortable with me enough and is a good sign that they are into me, but sometimes, that isn't always the case...and they were just looking for some poor schlop to vent their life's frustrations out on you, and once they feel better, they fade or ghost.
Not saying that this will happen with this one, as she did agree to a 2nd date, but knowing human nature, people change their minds.
Basically, is it a GOOD thing that they vent or looking for a shoulder to cry on with a dating prospect they barely know?
Your OP was oddly written. Why wouldn't we believe you could sympathize with someone who's experiencing a dying family member? Why wouldn't she open up about something like that? It's not as if she's telling you some deep dark shameful past. Her father is in the process of dying, and this is what her day looks like. Why in the world would you have to FORGIVE her for that?
I'm not getting this, at all. It would be very odd if she went out with you and didn't mention anything at all that she's going through this.
Wow, aren't you quite the glass half full kind of guy. lol :P
Nice deflection. I'm just giving it to you straight.
Friends, family, church, trusted colleagues, etc. i.e people you have an established relationship with is who you vent to and seek for emotional support. If some or all of those are missing, there are support groups for those types of things.
This is what a normal, stable person would do. Not joining Tinder (or whatever) and swiping in the middle of a family emergency.
She probably apologized because she is afraid she might chase you off by venting about all her problems. I would say she is trying to be considerate; that she realizes her problems might not be what you want to hear about.
Great advice. The woman has a huge problem in her life...no one can say, perhaps not even the woman herself.
Perhaps after a second or third date the OP might have a better idea. But there is also the question of whether the OP can respect the dimension of her problem, and the possibility she might do what he characterizes as "oversharing."
IMO the tone of the first posting inclines me to think the OP should start advertising for "problem free women only."
Haha problem-free women. If you have to specify that you don't want a date with problems you're probably not ready to date human beings. Everyone has problems or challenges in life (like a sick parent) and if they don't have any at the moment, they will show up at some point.
Women who read this on a dating profile will also likely see it as someone admitting they are not a supportive person.
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