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So, many couples I see, whether it is RVing, camping, hiking, dancing, traveling, MTB...you get the point.... usually end up doing something together (from what I see)
I was just wondering how important is that for you? can you have a functioning relationship if your spouse did not like the same things as you?
Just wondering since being close to memorial day, I saw a bunch of "retiree's" camping, hiking, biking etc so just striked me with a thought
I met a woman on Match that had VERY oddly specific dealbreakers.
1. If you weren't an AVID small craft pilot (very expensive)
2. If you weren't an AVID SCUBA diver
Both were deal breakers.
She said her last 2 ex husbands wound up ex-husbands for that reason. Of course, they held out participating in said hobby in the beginning of the marriage, then decided one day they weren't so crazy about the hobby anymore.
#1 is pretty much an impossibility for her.
But guess what, she's in her 50s and is fine if that keeps her single until she is 6 feet under. To be honest, I think she has an unhealthy attitude and is unrealistic, but whatever.
Some friends tell me that they don't want to "date their clone" meaning, that theY PREFER to have someone that has varied interests different from their own. Keeps things interesting, but to me...it makes for dull conversations or you'd have no ability to converse frequently about an interests that the other person has no interest in.
Makes for awkward and forced conversations.
Being an avid pop culture enthusiast, I find others that have no interest in TV or movies to be deal breakers if I throw a little movie reference here and there and it completely goes over her head. Not saying that I'm a couch potatoe or anything, but that's where my humor feeds off of sometimes.
Just think Michael Scott from The Office who is always making movie or TV references.
Just think this excerpt where he makes fun of MR Bill... I was like "Yep, if that's the reaction I get, this may not work for me"
Sometimes you have to take on for the team. I don't like camping but I would do it if he likes it and I am sure it will be fun somehow.
I agree that sometimes you do something you don't want to for the sake of the relationship, but I draw the line at camping. One night being cold and uncomfortable to impress some dude was too many (and I tried it several more times, just to be sure.) If he wants to sleep on the ground in the woods, he can have at it. If he wants to rent a cabin with a bathroom, I'll happily join him.
I met a woman on Match that had VERY oddly specific dealbreakers.
1. If you weren't an AVID small craft pilot (very expensive)
2. If you weren't an AVID SCUBA diver
Both were deal breakers.
To me, that makes more sense than rejecting a guy for say ... his height. But the lady you mentioned would be considered the crazy one.
Interestingly enough, every female musician I messaged on Match.com did not respond to me, but I got responses from women that pretty much I had nothing in common with.
For me, as with most things, it is about balance. Yes having things we both love doing, and doing together is necessary. Fun is an important part of a relationship. Fun, sharing... But I also want my own time and want them to do they things that they want to do even if I don't.
It's good when there is at least some overlap in the Venn diagram. And in particular, where it concerns things that are VERY important to one of the partners...although...
An alternative that is ok on some points is: "Well I'm not really into that as of now, but I have an open mind, and would like to learn more if you're willing to share with me?"
Another alternative is: "OK that's really not my thing, but I am completely cool with you going to do that on your own, or with your friends, and staying home myself. Have fun!" (Caveat: You have to actually, really, truly, be cool with it.)
I mean like the woman who was into piloting and scuba diving...if those things are so important to her, that she spends a lot of her free time doing them, and a lot of her discretionary income doing them, and she's like traveling fairly often to do them... That's more than a hobby, that's a lifestyle. And yeah, it's pretty important to have compatibility in terms of lifestyle, and I'm sorry ThisTown123, but it isn't "unhealthy" to be happier alone than with someone who is likely to require you to change things about yourself, and your life, that you currently are happy with and have no desire to change. It is not necessarily unhealthy if someone doesn't prioritize having a romantic partner to the same degree as, say, yourself. But hell, even that is questionable. If a woman demanded that YOU give up your pop culture stuff, or as you say, simply is not into it, never watches movies or TV...then you don't really feel you're going to have enough in common to make a match of it. How are your needs reasonable, but hers are not? Because hers are more rare? I mean, if she ends up alone, it's her row to hoe, man!
But like I am fine with my boyfriend not being into the band I used to travel to see all over the US, my obsession with them has been winding down for the last few years anyways. I will still go see their shows when they're nearby, but I wouldn't dream of trying to get my guy to go. He'd hate it. But the BDSM stuff now, that's more than a sex need by far, because that's my volunteer contributions and my social life, I'm out at the club several times a week, and wanting to travel to conventions and events...so that one, yeah, compatibility in that area is a requirement. Not optional for me.
Only each of us as individuals can decide where we draw these lines.
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