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I'll be frank - You come across SO differently, so much more capable, when you're offering advice to others here than you do when you're posting about your own issues. This should be a no-brainer. Think hard about why it isn't and why this situation could be problematic for you.
You don't know what she's doing. You KNOW he's toxic, and you KNOW he's your ex.
The right thing to do is guard your own emotional health, block him and block her in all ways, and do NOT engage in any way.
If she truly needs help, there are other options with people who aren't already damaged by this guy.
This makes sense. My history with this guy goes back to when I was 14. Thats why the emotional entanglement is so complicated, at least for me.
I agree with the others here. She’s not your problem, not your duty to save. And she’s not your friend. Nothing positive can come from getting involved.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
True. And I really dont know about their relationship. Just making guesses though I think I know him fairly well to be able to make good guesses.
I dont trust her. Snooping through email and contacting exes is dysfunctional behavior.
She can lay in the bed she made. So can he.
If they were laying in the bed together...they probably wouldn’t be having these problems...
Most problems & red flags begin in the bedroom IMO!! When you have a happy physical relationship, chances are super high everything else is going good too.........they sound like there’s LOTS of cracks.....
If they were laying in the bed together...they probably wouldn’t be having these problems...
Most problems & red flags begin in the bedroom IMO!! When you have a happy physical relationship, chances are super high everything else is going good too.........they sound like there’s LOTS of cracks.....
I am pretty sure he used her just to have a child. When I was dating him he was going nuts with baby fever.
Thats partly why I feel bad for her. Hes using her. The guy is a user.
But its not my problem any more.
I was willing to be supportive to her but then she turned scorpionish, so Im done.
She wanted to know if he is cheating on her with me. She was polite and friendly and I was polite and friendly back. I told her no and assured her it wont happen. She thanked me.
Last night she emailed pictures of them together with their child.
Now this is entering drama territory. I dont want to see that. I still have unresolved feelings for/about him. He is toxic as hell so I absolutely dont want him back. I was trying to protect him and her by not giving her the gritty details, because there is an innocent child that doesnt need drama.
I replied to her asking if he knows she is contacting me.
Whats the best way to deal with it? I was feeling compassion for her because the guy is toxic and probably is cheating. But her sending me pics seems like shes just rubbing it in my face now. Its unecessary to do that and I doubt it will be the last I hear from her.
I would not talk to her or him anymore. You don't owe this woman anything. Her child and her relationship are not your problems. I would ask her to stop contacting me and block her emails, phone, etc. This will show her that you are a classy woman who has moved on, but that she's being pathetic.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I am pretty sure he used her just to have a child. When I was dating him he was going nuts with baby fever.
Thats partly why I feel bad for her. Hes using her. The guy is a user.
But its not my problem any more.
I was willing to be supportive to her but then she turned scorpionish, so Im done.
Most single guys I know don’t want babies.....it’s usually a “whoops” thing.....but it’s not your problem....& she has to deal with her own life.......
I would not talk to her or him anymore. You don't owe this woman anything. Her child and her relationship are not your problems. I would ask her to stop contacting me and block her emails, phone, etc. This will show her that you are a classy woman who has moved on, but that she's being pathetic.
Good advice. If I wanted to cause drama all I would have to do is tell him what shes doing. I doubt he enjoys a controlling girlfriend pissing circles around him.
But I want to deescalate this. I kicked this guy out of my life 6 years ago. He has no class, she has no class. Id be stooping to their level if I engage. I might have enjoyed this kind of drama when I was idk 21...but not now.
They both are trying to pull me in though.
Probably says more about their own dysfunctions, both of them.
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