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I’m not shaming you...I’m trying to get you to open your eyes....you are a victim....he is not your ex.....it wasn’t about a baby.....& it is not normal to date a man who rapes you......
I didnt say it was normal. The guy was very persistent. He twisted my arm to get what he wanted from me.
You keep making it out like I did a horrible thing to date him and how bad I am for not reporting.
It was an abusive relationship. He told me he loves me, called me girlfriend, went to my friends party with me, invited me to meet his parents, etc. It wasnt a healthy relationship but it was one. A relationship that began with date rape and then continued with coercion and manipulation.
It took time to realize how bad it was. I was being messed with, I didnt trust my perceptions of things.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,577,093 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I didnt say it was normal. The guy was very persistent. He twisted my arm to get what he wanted from me.
You keep making it out like I did a horrible thing to date him and how bad I am for not reporting.
It was an abusive relationship. He told me he loves me, called me girlfriend, went to my friends party with me, invited me to meet his parents. It waant a healthy relationship but it was one. A relationship that began with date rape and then continued with coercion and manipulation.
It took time to realize how bad it was. I was being messed with, I didnt trust my perceptions of things.
I am trying to help you see....that it wasn’t about a baby....he didn’t choose you.....it’s for your healing for you to see that rape is not the start of a relationship. It’s control...violence....not about picking a mom for his baby.....
Whatever you felt back then....you are still doing now....because you are calling him your ex & not the man who raped you....& saying why he chose you......
You have to get all this out of your head if you want to heal......& you have so much in it that is so not healthy to keep in.....
I am trying to help you see....that it wasn’t about a baby....he didn’t choose you.....it’s for your healing for you to see that rape is not the start of a relationship. It’s control...violence....not about picking a mom for his baby.....
Whatever you felt back then....you are still doing now....because you are calling him your ex & not the man who raped you....& saying why he chose you......
You have to get all this out of your head if you want to heal......& you have so much in it that is so not healthy to keep in.....
You mean it sounds like Im romanticizing it?
Ok, well Ill try to stop thinking about him that way, as an ex. I didnt really think of it that way, I could never take our relationship seriously after he did that on our first date. So it was never a real relationship in my head.
He was a guy that was bullying me and taking advantage to get what he wanted from me.
But it took time to extricate myself. He wouldnt accept my no. He had to do it on his own terms. He is not a guy I could control or dominate at all. Though he seemed weak at times, when he begged and grovelled, but it just made me feel coerced. I didnt feel any power or equal footing at all. Nor do I now.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,577,093 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
You mean it sounds like Im romanticizing it?
Ok, well Ill try to stop thinking about him that way, as an ex. I didnt really think of it that way, I could never take our relationship seriously after he did that on our first date. So it was never a real relationship in my head.
He was a guy that was bullying me and taking advantage to get what he wanted from me.
But it took time to extricate myself. He wouldnt accept my no. He had to do it on his own terms. He is not a guy I could control or dominate at all. Though he seemed weak at times, when he begged and grovelled, but it just made me feel coerced. I didnt feel any power or equal footing at all. Nor do I now.
He is not a bully....he is a RAPIST....& that is even worse........& he is going to keep raping....
Rapists don’t just stop & it’s not cause they want a baby..........
I mean I knew I had to get away. I wasnt dreaming of a wedding or whatever. Hell no. I was preoccupied with the emotional roller coaster he put me through. It was constant crisis, drama, WTF moments, did he really just say that? Did that just happen?
Then hed text for hours begging me to agree to him coming over, hes lonely, whatever, while I didnt want to see him cause he was stressing me out, I didnt miss him or crave him, but hed keep at it.
So Id say yes abd hed come over and again say or do something dickish tp upset me.
It was awful. But he wouldnt go because he was getting something from it, pleasure out of watching me squirm I guess.
I went back and read our emails, they were enlightening. (His girlfriend probably read them too if he he didnt delete them.)
I wish I could post them here because....wow. He admitted how toxic he was. He said he could destroy me, so dont push him. He said he left his past "*******" scarred for life because his talent is finding weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and knowing how to say the exact thing to permanently destroy a "*****." He said Im no match for him in that area so dont even try.
He said he doesnt chase any ***** so if I dont submit and do everything on his terms he will replace me.
My responses were always extremely loving to him, but also....how do I put it. I knew how toxic he was and I was afraid of what he would do. He clearly has no conscience. I was saying all the right things...."Yes you deserve the best, I shouldnt doing this, that, you are the best ever," etc.
I remember I really didnt have the feeling behind the words. I was basically trying to not challenge the guy, to give him what he wants, because he was definitely more dominating and forceful than me. I felt very weak. That was the only "relationship" or should I say (rapist victim interaction) Ive ever experienced like that.
At least he knows hes toxic. But damn those things he said, shocking. He said I got a "diet" version of him and he treated me better than his past "*******."
Things ended because I wasnt subnitting much as be liked and he replaced me. His last email was he misses me but going our separate ways.
He emailed me again in 2015 saying he was trying to get ahold of me. Somehow I missed seeing that email because it was unopened by me. Interesting.
The guy is so toxic. Everything has to be on his terms. If a girl doesnt do what he wants he just replaces her. And he emotionally destroys people if he wants to.
No wonder I couldnt spar with him on his level. This guy is like demonic. Holy ****.
Maybe time to look at your role in all these "relationships".
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