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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
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Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
OP: Why did you stay with a guy who date raped you MAY be a relevant question you need to answer for yourself to protect yourself and learn for the future. I want to STRONGLY advise you take this processing to a good therapist and not an internet board.
Ita....O.P. needs some serious guidance to help her through this....& that’s why I was trying to ask her some of the hard questions & get her thinking about why she has put up with this....& get her to think about her behavior in allowing it & still hanging on....it’s awful....
Ita....O.P. needs some serious guidance to help her through this....& that’s why I was trying to ask her some of the hard questions & get her thinking about why she has put up with this....& get her to think about her behavior in allowing it & still hanging on....it’s awful....
Well if they hadnt emailed me, this wouldnt be happening.
Though I could tell both of them to **** off, go away.
Thats what most people would do?
Idk why I cant, I think I was just taught to be very submissive and forgiving. I wasnt taught to tell people to **** off, even when they are hurting me.
Its just the environment I was raised in or what I learned somehow. My mind knows one thing, but my...training is trying so hard to do as it was taught.
Ive thoroughly explored this option. I even have an advanced degree in therapy, myself, thats how thorough I was.
I have a personality type that doesnt respond well to therapy. Its takes a kind of submission or trust to succumb to the therapeutic relationship. I have before but it was like 1 therapist in 30 that got me to trust her. And even so all I did was vent and dominate our sessions. She gave up and let me dominate.
Therapy doesnt work for everyone. Its not a one size fits all thing, but for most people in my position, it would be good advice. So I agree, but for now I can just say, I tried that.
Interesting. I've literally never heard someone say they're immune to therapy.
Too many plot holes here for me, and it sounds like my advice wouldn't have an effect on you anyway.
You write about this whole experience with a dreamlike, helpless, passive quality that Romanticizes it with a capital R. It's serving some need in your life but certainly not to your benefit.
If you aren't going to just cut off all contact, I don't know what else any of us can tell you. You don't have to tell them to **** off. You just STOP.
Interesting. I've literally never heard someone say they're immune to therapy.
Too many plot holes here for me, and it sounds like my advice wouldn't have an effect on you anyway.
I think your advice does help. It was mainly your advice that motivated me to keep going to the police to report the stalker. And it worked. He got arrested and stopped stalking me.
You can check out though if you dont think I would be receptive on this problem.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
Well if they hadnt emailed me, this wouldnt be happening.
Though I could tell both of them to **** off, go away.
Thats what most people would do?
Idk why I cant, I think I was just taught to be very submissive and forgiving. I wasnt taught to tell people to **** off, even when they are hurting me.
Its just the environment I was raised in or what I learned somehow. My mind knows one thing, but my...training is trying so hard to do as it was taught.
Its ****ed up, I dont argue with that at all.
That is so messed up but it’s good you recognize it in yourself.....now the hard work of building yourself up.....& working on your self esteem.
You needed to block him after he raped you on the 1st date...so...this has lots more to do with self esteem & healing than being forgiving.......it’s serious stuff...
You don’t have to tell him off...I’m not confrontational either, but I would of closed the door *immediately* & never looked back. It is actions...not words....that tell us how it is.....walk away & block him.......& be done with it. You need to do some inner work......if you really stop to think about some of the stuff you have written.......hugs
There's something seriously wrong if you have a "soft spot" for someone who date raped you. I've never thought that you needed to be submissive to benefit from therapy. You do however have to be open to help and be willing to listen to what the therapist is saying. If you had to "dominate" the sessions with your therapist, I'm not surprised that they weren't effective. If you were able to go into therapy with an open mind and let the therapist do his/her job, I'm willing to bet it would be helpful.
You write about this whole experience with a dreamlike, helpless, passive quality that Romanticizes it with a capital R. It's serving some need in your life but certainly not to your benefit.
If you aren't going to just cut off all contact, I don't know what else any of us can tell you. You don't have to tell them to **** off. You just STOP.
Ok. I guess its doing something for me I want. Unlike the stalker that I really wanted to stop. And it stopped cause I resisted and fought it tooth and nail.
This problem is different.
One, its not imminent danger. I dont think either is gangster. They are not going to do a drive by or kidnap me. If that changes, believe me, Ill protect myself to the fullest extent.
Its just a weird boundary situation. And, they want me involved apparently. And, Id have been happier if they didnt. Im not posting on a forum and being upset because I want to be. But I want to feel needed? I want to be helpful? Maybe.
Im not scared of them though. So thats good. But Id prefer they stop.
But if they beg me for attention, as they are kind of doing. I might participate a little but only until I dont want to any more.
Well if they hadnt emailed me, this wouldnt be happening.
Though I could tell both of them to **** off, go away.
Thats what most people would do?
Idk why I cant, I think I was just taught to be very submissive and forgiving. I wasnt taught to tell people to **** off, even when they are hurting me.
Its just the environment I was raised in or what I learned somehow. My mind knows one thing, but my...training is trying so hard to do as it was taught.
Its ****ed up, I dont argue with that at all.
But no one is saying you have to tell him to f off. You just stop contact. You don't engage.
Block these two drama queens and forget about the whole thing. Not your monkeys or your circus, as they say.
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but it’s good you recognize it in yourself.....now the hard work of building yourself up.....& working on your self esteem. 