Is my fiancé being misogynistic? (man, separate, partner, straight)
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Howdy, Zbh,
Sounds to me like it very well might be best for your health & safety, to leave him.
Or, if i was you, i would become skilled in a martial art like Taekwondo, or another. It might make him think twice before touching you in a hurtful way.
Be Safe...
Maybe I am wrong and I failed him as his fiancé, but at times I’m scared that he will continue to resemble his dad more and more and I’ll end up marrying someone that doesn’t share my principles. Any thoughts on this?
Okay; the bolded. Forget what his programming has been ... YOU are already primed to be a victim.
It's little subtleties like this that cemented your relationship without either of you being aware of it. You are on a collision course. I would fall back. WAY back.
...Maybe I am wrong and I failed him as his fiancé
That is an interesting mindset that you have put yourself into.
That you have a job as his fiance and you have not measured up to the task.
Laundry, clean the house, have meals ready for him, etc.
Quote:
... I’m scared that he will continue to resemble his dad more and more and I’ll end up marrying someone that doesn’t share my principles. Any thoughts on this?
He is exactly following his fathers role.
Your fiance's background sounds exactly like mine. But, I married a girl that I respected. She and I had many long talks about how we wanted our lives to be. I recognized that I had to change.
It does not sound like your fiance has any desire to change, if you stay he will not change.
Practice catch and release. You caught a nice specimen of a boy, but he does not measure up. You need to remove your hook, sooth the wound left by your hook, set him free. Rebait your hook and go catch a man.
Thank you for everyone’s input. To offer further context, he was raised in England, but both his parents are Greek. Which as far as I know is a very man-led society. We live in Japan, which for sure is a women-must-be-submissive culture. I was brought up in a traditional family and I’ve believed in gender roles for the better part of my life, but I’m starting to change my opinions and beliefs recently.
There's nothing the matter with tradition and gender roles, but the behavior that you described in your original post goes well beyond proscribed gender roles.
Please rethink building a life with someone who believes that in order to be "the man" in the household, he must mistrust all women and beat the woman in his life into submission if necessary to maintain order and gender roles.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 09-17-2019 at 08:35 PM..
Hi everyone, I’ve been self reflecting on mundo relationship and I’d like to ask people their opinion.
As a quick background, me and my fiancé got engaged a couple of months back, and when he broke the news to his dad, his answer was: remember what I told you when you were 15y/o, don’t trust women. Don’t marry them and don’t let them take advantage of you. But you do what you think is best.
Now, I know his dad used to beat his mom, and what my now fiancé told me was that it’s just how his dad was also brought up. My fiancé has had problems controlling his temper, and things have gotten out of hand between us.
Today, he cane back from a business trip and we had a silly argument when we were sitting. Close to each other (but not next to each other) and he said, come here, I’ll give you a hug. To which I replied, no, you come here! Why should I go over there? And this is where he said... because you’re a woman and you have to do as I say!
So I got quite upset, stood up and left to the other room. He came, he apologized, but I still wanted to talk about it because to me, it was a very misogynistic statement which I wanted to address. And then he said: you want to talk about important things? Then let’s talk about the fact that I came back from a Buson trip today and you didn’t even cook for me!
Then we continued arguing, since he said he was really tired and I didn’t do anything for him, except that I had. I spent the whole morning doing the laundry, cleaning the sheets, swiping and vacuuming the house, etc.
Maybe I am wrong and I failed him as his fiancé, but at times I’m scared that he will continue to resemble his dad more and more and I’ll end up marrying someone that doesn’t share my principles. Any thoughts on this?
If you want to ride this relationship Out start taking Kung Fu lessons.....
Sounds like you like to push each other’s buttons tbth.
You claim you understood you knew about his “traditional” views, but your actions don’t really reflect you respecting or accepting them.
You’re going to end up resenting everything this guy does if you stick around.
Last edited by rego00123; 09-18-2019 at 12:10 AM..
Sounds like you like to push each other’s buttons tbth. You claim you understood you knew about his “traditional” views, but your actions don’t really reflect you respecting or accepting them.
I would love it if you could explain what you mean by this. What is this poster not respecting or accepting?
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