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Old 09-16-2019, 09:18 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
137 posts, read 65,636 times
Reputation: 216

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
Not an assumption at all.

THe whole point of her thread --

5 years and no proposal.....

So a little background about me and my bf. He is 30 and I'm 31. We are not officially living together as I own a house with my sister and I decided to go back to school to continue my education. I will be in the nursing program in 4 months and renting an apartment with a bf is going to be too expensive for me. Nursing school is tough and I won't be able to work full time to afford to rent an apartment with my bf since I'm still paying for a mortgage with my sister. However, we spend most times at his place. It actually feels like we are living together! I'm at his place almost 5 days a week.

Anyway, this morning, me and my boyfriend went to a store and upon check out the cashier wished us a lifetime of happy marriage. It was so random! We just laughed about it. On the drive home, I asked my bf, jokingly, how come he hasn't proposed after all these years. H

I was so shocked about my bf's response regarding my question. I'm worried that in span of 5 years he is still not sure about me!!!

Although she is fine with her life right now, she doesn't know where she stands re marriage.
She also says she is too busy and poor right now, she is in no rush, she has lots of plans for herself and enjoys where she is right now, etc.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:22 AM
 
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,538,180 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope_Sun View Post
5 years and no proposal.....

So a little background about me and my bf. He is 30 and I'm 31. We are not officially living together as I own a house with my sister and I decided to go back to school to continue my education. I will be in the nursing program in 4 months and renting an apartment with a bf is going to be too expensive for me. Nursing school is tough and I won't be able to work full time to afford to rent an apartment with my bf since I'm still paying for a mortgage with my sister. However, we spend most times at his place. It actually feels like we are living together! I'm at his place almost 5 days a week.

Anyway, this morning, me and my boyfriend went to a store and upon check out the cashier wished us a lifetime of happy marriage. It was so random! We just laughed about it. On the drive home, I asked my bf, jokingly, how come he hasn't proposed after all these years. He said we need to be living together first before he knows he is sure about me! He said he wanted to know how I am around the house and stuff, if i'll clean after myself etc. I'm not rushing to get married or anything. I have a lot of plans for myself and I enjoy where I'm at right now. But I was so shocked about my bf's response regarding my question. I'm worried that in span of 5 years he is still not sure about me!!! And we are together almost everyday! I'm pretty sure he knows how I am around his apartment.. Am I over thinking or am I being reasonable? I pretty much just stayed quiet in the car because I didn't know what to say......

I don't know what to tell him. What would you guys do in this situation?

To become an RN you need a degree in applied science....BSN, MSN.....or AAS...that you get from a college. So...your post doesn’t make sense....LVNs & LPNs used to go to “nursing schools”........back in like the 60s....before nursing evolved....
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:24 AM
 
3,125 posts, read 1,575,559 times
Reputation: 8263
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamAnythe View Post
She also says she is too busy and poor right now, she is in no rush, she has lots of plans for herself and enjoys where she is right now, etc.
Exactly what I said.

"Although she is fine with her life right now, she doesn't know where she stands re marriage."

A person can be both happy with the relationship currently but at the same time want to know her partner's real intentions regarding marriage proposal.

My reading comprehension skills are fine btw.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:35 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
137 posts, read 65,636 times
Reputation: 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
Exactly what I said.

"Although she is fine with her life right now, she doesn't know where she stands re marriage."

A person can be both happy with the relationship currently but at the same time want to know her partner's real intentions regarding marriage proposal.

My reading comprehension skills are fine btw.
Assuming their conversation was half banter, half serious, he told her. He wants to live together for a while first.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
4,087 posts, read 2,540,077 times
Reputation: 12489
If she's interested in marriage (and not just the proposal, ring, and the excitement and attention that goes along with the planning of a wedding), why can she not propose to her boyfriend or at least discuss her future thoughts and plans with him?

If she's not sure where she stands regarding marriage or is lukewarm at best about it, it doesn't make sense that she would be a bit put out that her boyfriend doesn't wish to propose to her. Most couples discuss marriage long before a ring appears; after five years together, they surely know one another's spending habits, debts, and lifestyles--no need to live together to find those things out.
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Old 09-16-2019, 09:46 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,379 posts, read 24,385,676 times
Reputation: 17418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Formerly Known As Twenty View Post
If she's interested in marriage (and not just the proposal, ring, and the excitement and attention that goes along with the planning of a wedding), why can she not propose to her boyfriend or at least discuss her future thoughts and plans with him?

If she's not sure where she stands regarding marriage or is lukewarm at best about it, it doesn't make sense that she would be a bit put out that her boyfriend doesn't wish to propose to her. Most couples discuss marriage long before a ring appears; after five years together, they surely know one another's spending habits, debts, and lifestyles--no need to live together to find those things out.
You are absolutely right. If the OP is interested in marrying her BF she should tell him directly. We don’t need to tiptoe around this topic anymore. Neither of you are children. Living together is not essential, especially since you’re together so much.

He’s buying time. If he has cold feet, then the OP should stop seeing him and focus on completing her studies. That will put the ball back in his court and allow him to move on or team up.
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Old 09-16-2019, 10:00 AM
 
3,125 posts, read 1,575,559 times
Reputation: 8263
Quote:
Originally Posted by AdamAnythe View Post
Assuming their conversation was half banter, half serious, he told her. He wants to live together for a while first.
That is not telling her his intentions. That is a stall -- which is why she is confused by his response.

THe conversation should go something like this -- I envision marriage in our future but probably not for x years and reasons why. OR, if there are other issues that make him unsure be forthright about what they are. I would like to live together first to get a feel for day to day lifestyle compatibility before proposing. How do you feel about that?

If she is agreeable to living together, they should do so and rent should not preclude that from happening. If by living at his apartment there is no additional cost and she is not in a financial position to pay rent, rent should not be the issue. She is already living there about 5 days a week already. This would give a better indication of his intention toward marriage in their future.

Many guys are "stringers" and, after five years in a relationship at age 31, she deserves more than a joking (or not) comment that is no more than a stall.
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Old 09-16-2019, 10:07 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
137 posts, read 65,636 times
Reputation: 216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddie104 View Post
That is not telling her his intentions. That is a stall -- which is why she is confused by his response.

THe conversation should go something like this -- I envision marriage in our future but probably not for x years and reasons why. OR, if there are other issues that make him unsure be forthright about what they are. I would like to live together first to get a feel for day to day lifestyle compatibility before proposing. How do you feel about that?

If she is agreeable to living together, they should do so and rent should not preclude that from happening. If by living at his apartment there is no additional cost and she is not in a financial position to pay rent, rent should not be the issue. This would give a better indication of his intention toward marriage in their future.

Many guys are "stringers" and, after five years in a relationship at age 31, she deserves more than a joking (or not) comment that is no more than a stall.
It is absolutely telling his intentions in clear as day terms. She is the one too busy for him, trapped in a mortgage with her sister with no way out, declaring she’s in no hurry (read: LYING and playing games)
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Old 09-16-2019, 10:53 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,705 posts, read 19,880,600 times
Reputation: 43031
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope_Sun View Post
5 years and no proposal.....

So a little background about me and my bf. He is 30 and I'm 31. We are not officially living together as I own a house with my sister and I decided to go back to school to continue my education. I will be in the nursing program in 4 months and renting an apartment with a bf is going to be too expensive for me. Nursing school is tough and I won't be able to work full time to afford to rent an apartment with my bf since I'm still paying for a mortgage with my sister. However, we spend most times at his place. It actually feels like we are living together! I'm at his place almost 5 days a week.

Anyway, this morning, me and my boyfriend went to a store and upon check out the cashier wished us a lifetime of happy marriage. It was so random! We just laughed about it. On the drive home, I asked my bf, jokingly, how come he hasn't proposed after all these years. He said we need to be living together first before he knows he is sure about me! He said he wanted to know how I am around the house and stuff, if i'll clean after myself etc. I'm not rushing to get married or anything. I have a lot of plans for myself and I enjoy where I'm at right now. But I was so shocked about my bf's response regarding my question. I'm worried that in span of 5 years he is still not sure about me!!! And we are together almost everyday! I'm pretty sure he knows how I am around his apartment.. Am I over thinking or am I being reasonable? I pretty much just stayed quiet in the car because I didn't know what to say......

I don't know what to tell him. What would you guys do in this situation?

If everything else is well, I would not do anything. And I think his answer makes total sense.



HOWEVER, why are you guys together for 5 years and not already live together since 3-4 years? Why are you even getting into a mortgage with your sister? You can pay a mortgage but not rent? Seems like you aren't sure either or you would have moved together years ago.



It seems to me, living together was never a priority. So why should a marriage even be in the picture if neither of you seemed to have the desire for cohabitation? Staying there every night is not the same.



I don't understand the other posters answers - why would anyone propose if you never even made plans to live together. Why propose to someone who buys a house with someone else?? That doesn't make sense. You guys are still young, not set in your career, why not enjoy the moment?
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Old 09-16-2019, 11:07 AM
 
6,949 posts, read 4,416,117 times
Reputation: 22704
If you want to have kids one day you certainly should discuss marriage and children with your BF. My son lived with a woman 7 years but didn’t want to get married. She broke up with him. He had always said he was never marrying. He was in his 30’s. Then he meets a woman and knows within 2 weeks that he wants to marry her. I recently read a article about this very phenomenon with men. Obviously he should let you live with him for free if he is really interested in seeing how you guys do full time. My guess is that he is like my son.
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