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There are too many posts here that need quoting but I'm really surprised at some of the responses here.
I have not once said that she's a bad person for her behavior or wrong or anything of that sort.
I have asked for peoples experiences and insights into what somebody acting like this could indicate in regards to their reliability/ability to be in a committed relationship.
It's not bad or good if it says she can commit or can't commit. But I am personally looking for a committed relationship. I'm not looking for her to "pre-commit" like some have said here. I'm saying that if this type of behavior indicates she isn't ready for a real relationship, then I don't want to continue hanging out with her and getting more involved. She's more than free to do what she wants and act as she wants, it's not right or wrong.
If people were to say it's typically linked to immaturity, that's not even a bad thing about a person? That's just a state of a persons being at that time. It probably means they're not ready for a real relationship but again that doesn't mean they're messed up and a bad person and all these things people are saying I'm implying.
I know a lot of girls. Most of them date around. Most don't get into these flings and have these casual hook ups on the back burner like this girl apparently does. Dating around is fine. Casual hook ups are fine. Since the girls that I am familiar with don't date like she does, I'm unsure if it's different for a reason.
I don't think there's anything wrong at all in trying to figure that out. Or weigh if it means something. However you want to phrase it. I've been told the phrase when people show you who they are believe them and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. So yea, I'm asking if these hold true to what I know of this girls dating habits.
Don't know why I'm being made out to be some sort of misogynistic ******* here. I haven't said one bad word about her.
As I've said, I'm trying to see what peoples experiences have taught them so I can make a more informed decision. Nothing crazy.
There are too many posts here that need quoting but I'm really surprised at some of the responses here.
I have not once said that she's a bad person for her behavior or wrong or anything of that sort.
I have asked for peoples experiences and insights into what somebody acting like this could indicate in regards to their reliability/ability to be in a committed relationship.
It's not bad or good if it says she can commit or can't commit. But I am personally looking for a committed relationship. I'm not looking for her to "pre-commit" like some have said here. I'm saying that if this type of behavior indicates she isn't ready for a real relationship, then I don't want to continue hanging out with her and getting more involved. She's more than free to do what she wants and act as she wants, it's not right or wrong.
If people were to say it's typically linked to immaturity, that's not even a bad thing about a person? That's just a state of a persons being at that time. It probably means they're not ready for a real relationship but again that doesn't mean they're messed up and a bad person and all these things people are saying I'm implying.
I know a lot of girls. Most of them date around. Most don't get into these flings and have these casual hook ups on the back burner like this girl apparently does. Dating around is fine. Casual hook ups are fine. Since the girls that I am familiar with don't date like she does, I'm unsure if it's different for a reason.
I don't think there's anything wrong at all in trying to figure that out. Or weigh if it means something. However you want to phrase it. I've been told the phrase when people show you who they are believe them and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. So yea, I'm asking if these hold true to what I know of this girls dating habits.
Don't know why I'm being made out to be some sort of misogynistic ******* here. I haven't said one bad word about her.
As I've said, I'm trying to see what peoples experiences have taught them so I can make a more informed decision. Nothing crazy.
That's what I was getting from you, OP. I think a lot of back-and-forth with others took it "there" at times in the thread, and I'm sorry about that...your member stats show that you may be new-ish around here, understand that a lot of us are working with years' worth of built up conflict as regulars on this forum, to say nothing of whatever experiences we've had in our lives.
Your best bet at an informed decision, IMO would be in talking to her. Maybe you could open up a discussion that is vague but centered around life goals, where she sees herself in a year or five or ten. If she says she hopes to be married with kids in the foreseeable future, you'll know that she wants that commitment but just hasn't found Mr. Right for it yet, and in the meantime, she's playin' around. If she talks about getting her PhD and becoming a rich philanthropist and traveling the world and conducting research expeditions in the jungle or something lol...well, you'll know there's not much space for a husband in that picture, now won'tcha? Only she can tell you what she's about.
But of course you know...even if she really is hoping to find The One and ride off into the sunset with him, there's no way of knowing if you could even be that guy for her. There is NO way to know that except to roll the dice on it. I'll tell ya something else. I used to lament the fact that in my many intimate connections during my life, maybe nobody fell in love, or maybe I did, or maybe my partner did, but never would both of us fall in love and be emotionally invested in each other equally at the same pace. I had come to believe that deep, reciprocal love was an impossible fairy tale. Then I met the man I'm with now, and the fairy tale came true. What was different, I think, this time around...enough that maybe it was a factor...was that instead of rushing in, we took our time somewhat. It was 2 months of interacting fairly often in a certain...social, I guess...capacity...building tension and all, before we became a sexual couple. It was another 6 months after that, that we acknowledged that we were both very much in love. It was another couple of months still even after that, that we became an exclusive couple. Over a year later we moved in together, and longer still to begin talk of marriage. There was no rush. We did not take a step forward, until we were both ready and on the same page to take it.
I advise people to put the connection between you and another person, ahead of the idea of the relationship structure that you have as a goal. Putting the relationship ahead of the people in it, is very much putting the cart before the horse. That's what people here are talking about with the "pre-commitment" thing. I mean, how's this...do you even know if she is into you and wants to date you? You haven't mentioned that, here.
I mean, how's this...do you even know if she is into you and wants to date you? You haven't mentioned that, here.
See I didn't even think about that. Has this girl shown any signs or explicitly stated that she likes you? Because if not....what are we doing here? What are you even doing OP besides wasting valuable time that you could be using elsewhere? This could easily be shut down if it turns out she's not even into like you're into her. We've only been talking about your feelings so far.
. I've been told the phrase when people show you who they are believe them and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. So yea, I'm asking if these hold true to what I know of this girls dating habits.
Which dating habits? Her two LTR experiences, or the more recent shorter liaisons? You said you'd feel ok about her, if she'd had 2-3 LTR's of a couple of years or more, and she has. So why aren't you ok with her? And btw, as I said earlier, you can chose when to "get more involved". Going on a couple of more dates to see how she feels about relationships doesn't necessarily mean getting more involved.
There are too many posts here that need quoting but I'm really surprised at some of the responses here.
I have not once said that she's a bad person for her behavior or wrong or anything of that sort.
I have asked for peoples experiences and insights into what somebody acting like this could indicate in regards to their reliability/ability to be in a committed relationship.
It's not bad or good if it says she can commit or can't commit. But I am personally looking for a committed relationship. I'm not looking for her to "pre-commit" like some have said here. I'm saying that if this type of behavior indicates she isn't ready for a real relationship, then I don't want to continue hanging out with her and getting more involved. She's more than free to do what she wants and act as she wants, it's not right or wrong.
If people were to say it's typically linked to immaturity, that's not even a bad thing about a person? That's just a state of a persons being at that time. It probably means they're not ready for a real relationship but again that doesn't mean they're messed up and a bad person and all these things people are saying I'm implying.
I know a lot of girls. Most of them date around. Most don't get into these flings and have these casual hook ups on the back burner like this girl apparently does. Dating around is fine. Casual hook ups are fine. Since the girls that I am familiar with don't date like she does, I'm unsure if it's different for a reason.
I don't think there's anything wrong at all in trying to figure that out. Or weigh if it means something. However you want to phrase it. I've been told the phrase when people show you who they are believe them and past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. So yea, I'm asking if these hold true to what I know of this girls dating habits.
Don't know why I'm being made out to be some sort of misogynistic ******* here. I haven't said one bad word about her.
As I've said, I'm trying to see what peoples experiences have taught them so I can make a more informed decision. Nothing crazy.
Only read a handful of posts here, but can tell you with 99% certainty that it doesn't sound like you're in the right state of mind to be dating. Stop trying to analyze why she has done what she has done. It doesn't matter one single bit.
Look, this isn't rocket science. What you do is sit her and down and be direct and upfront. Tell her that you're looking for something long term and while it is early and you're not sure if that will be with her, you want her to understand what your goals are. Basically the message you'll be sending is "this is what I want and if you're not looking for the same you don't want to continue here".
Only read a handful of posts here, but can tell you with 99% certainty that it doesn't sound like you're in the right state of mind to be dating. Stop trying to analyze why she has done what she has done. It doesn't matter one single bit.
Look, this isn't rocket science. What you do is sit her and down and be direct and upfront. Tell her that you're looking for something long term and while it is early and you're not sure if that will be with her, you want her to understand what your goals are. Basically the message you'll be sending is "this is what I want and if you're not looking for the same you don't want to continue here".
I (29M) recently met this girl (25F) through some friends that I'm pretty into. We have an awesome connection and have a great time hanging out a couple of times so far. I could definitely see myself dating her more seriously but I'm a little concerned...
She has a history of getting together with guys and having a fling with them and then dumping them out of nowhere is the gist I'm getting. Some of them seem to be casual hookups she discards after a bit, some are more like a relationship that have lasted up to three months.
What's going on with people that are like that? What does that say about them if anything? Is this a maturity thing or signs of something that won’t change and to be weary of? If you're able to relate at all, can you give some insight?
Don't let yourself become emotionally attached. It won't end well if you do. Just enjoy the physical side of it for long as it lasts.
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