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Old 09-25-2019, 10:58 AM
 
52 posts, read 23,993 times
Reputation: 61

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So, my boyfriend was in another city for work. In the evening he went out for drinks with people from the conference and after he was supposed to go to a friend's birthday party (the friend lives in that city).


While he was there, he was told that a female friend of his (who lives in another country) happened to also be in that city. They are more or less recent friends and have only seen each other 4-5 times before. I've met her once. He texted her and she came and meet him at the conference drinks. They then spent the rest of the night hanging out and drinking. She went with him to his friend's birthday party.


They got so drunk that the next day he was so sick that he didn't make it to meet one of his other friend's new baby.


I didn't think much of it. But last night he was unpacking and he came across some photos that him and his female friend had taken in a photo booth in a night club. He was excited by the photo and said "oh my god, I had forgotten we even took these pictures", I stretched out my hand to see the photo and he hesitated a little but gave it to me.


In the photos, they're laughing, leaning on each other, she has her arms around him and their faces are close together.
I said "looks like you had loads of fun!" but he didn't respond, there was an awkward silence, he took back the photo and then left the room.


I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw the photos! I very calmly asked "did something happen last night?"
He got very angry. He started saying that I don't allow him to have female friends and that this is ridiculous. I have NEVER said anything about any of his female friends, never.


Now, I feel like he was lying about the night.


Am I overreacting?


(He has omitted hanging out with ex-girlfriends before and being late to meet me because he was with one of them, which I only found out because then he'd slip up about seeing them. And I had never said that it wasn't ok to see ex-girlfriends so there would be no reason to lie/omit it.)
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
16,961 posts, read 17,290,577 times
Reputation: 30257
Overacting, no. Your bf isn’t a smart man. Smart people in relationships avoid any type of indiscretions that would have their partner question their trust.
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:10 AM
 
Location: In the bee-loud glade
5,573 posts, read 3,334,536 times
Reputation: 12295
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Overacting, no. Your bf isn’t a smart man. Smart people in relationships avoid any type of indiscretions that would have their partner question their trust.
I agree. Your BF gave you something to be concerned about. His response seems overly defensive and he's deflecting away from your question by suggesting you don't want him to have women friends. You didn't say or imply that.

Under these circumstances, I think he owes you a better explanation.
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:10 AM
 
52 posts, read 23,993 times
Reputation: 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Overacting, no. Your bf isn’t a smart man. Smart people in relationships avoid any type of indiscretions that would have their partner question their trust.
He also said that it's important for him to able to have physical contact with his female friends without being questioned about it, which I guess is fair enough. But I would never let one of my male friends hang all over me like that on a drunken night out because from my experience that sort of behavior usually happens along with some sort sort of flirtation ...
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:12 AM
 
52 posts, read 23,993 times
Reputation: 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
Under these circumstances, I think he owes you a better explanation.
His explanation was that they were really drunk and that she's just a very open and boisterous sort of person.


After I asked him to give me just was example of me having an issue with one of his female friends and he was unable to give any example, he started laughing and tickling me and saying that it's time to go to bed ... I left it at that because I just didn't want to argue anymore.

Last edited by nadineblack; 09-25-2019 at 11:20 AM..
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:38 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadineblack View Post
So, my boyfriend was in another city for work. In the evening he went out for drinks with people from the conference and after he was supposed to go to a friend's birthday party (the friend lives in that city).


While he was there, he was told that a female friend of his (who lives in another country) happened to also be in that city. They are more or less recent friends and have only seen each other 4-5 times before. I've met her once. He texted her and she came and meet him at the conference drinks. They then spent the rest of the night hanging out and drinking. She went with him to his friend's birthday party.


They got so drunk that the next day he was so sick that he didn't make it to meet one of his other friend's new baby.


I didn't think much of it. But last night he was unpacking and he came across some photos that him and his female friend had taken in a photo booth in a night club. He was excited by the photo and said "oh my god, I had forgotten we even took these pictures", I stretched out my hand to see the photo and he hesitated a little but gave it to me.


In the photos, they're laughing, leaning on each other, she has her arms around him and their faces are close together.
I said "looks like you had loads of fun!" but he didn't respond, there was an awkward silence, he took back the photo and then left the room.


I felt a pang of jealousy when I saw the photos! I very calmly asked "did something happen last night?"
He got very angry. He started saying that I don't allow him to have female friends and that this is ridiculous. I have NEVER said anything about any of his female friends, never.


Now, I feel like he was lying about the night.


Am I overreacting?


(He has omitted hanging out with ex-girlfriends before and being late to meet me because he was with one of them, which I only found out because then he'd slip up about seeing them. And I had never said that it wasn't ok to see ex-girlfriends so there would be no reason to lie/omit it.)
You--no. He is, though, and it's very telling.
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:40 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,126 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadineblack View Post
His explanation was that they were really drunk and that she's just a very open and boisterous sort of person.


After I asked him to give me just was example of me having an issue with one of his female friends and he was unable to give any example, he started laughing and tickling me and saying that it's time to go to bed ... I left it at that because I just didn't want to argue anymore.
That's entirely possible, but as HC pointed out, he shouldn't have got drunk around her. He got so drunk, he couldn't go out the next day? Really?? Was hi conference over already, or did he miss a work-related event, too? Has he gotten this drunk before? Does he have an alcohol problem? Seems kind of extreme.
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Old 09-25-2019, 11:50 AM
 
52 posts, read 23,993 times
Reputation: 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
That's entirely possible, but as HC pointed out, he shouldn't have got drunk around her. He got so drunk, he couldn't go out the next day? Really?? Was hi conference over already, or did he miss a work-related event, too? Has he gotten this drunk before? Does he have an alcohol problem? Seems kind of extreme.

The conference was over so he didn't miss any work related stuff. He did miss meeting his friend's new baby.


He doesn't usually get drunk, it isn't very normal behavior for him.
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Old 09-25-2019, 12:02 PM
 
1,505 posts, read 1,806,601 times
Reputation: 2748
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Overacting, no. Your bf isn’t a smart man. Smart people in relationships avoid any type of indiscretions that would have their partner question their trust.




I agree!! Any reasons to question trust don't make a solid relationship. You are not over reacting. Are you not also concerned that he is sometimes late meeting you because he is hanging out with women friends?
Do you feel like his priority?
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Old 09-25-2019, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,761,388 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by nadineblack View Post

He also said that it's important for him to able to have physical contact with his female friends without being questioned about it...
LOL it's IMPORTANT to him??

Why?
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