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Old 10-30-2019, 05:48 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I can only think of those that you listed that dentist chair would likely be the only inappropriate place to hit on a woman, oh, and hanging outside the woman's bathroom. lol

But the others that you listed, be it the gym, grocery store, church (singles ministries) volunteering, etc. How would these be deemed "inappropriate?" I've known many to have met their sig others at these places. My dad met my mom on the beach. I have known quite a few married couples that met at the places you have listed as "inappropriate".

But who are you to say that these are "inappropriate" places? Who is anyone to say what venues are inappropriate. Funny, maybe it's a generational thing that meeting someone the traditional way, say a book store, is just something that isn't practiced anymore?

Funny, some of the dating advice to meet someone, given here, had been 'Go volunteer!"


Please wake up. It's inappropriate if you're hitting on them in these places out of the blue, if they're just being courteous to you or you haven't established any chemistry. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DAMN OBVIOUS. I mean, seriously, if I'm going to go to a grocery store and talk to someone for 5 seconds about how bad the avocados are and then ask them out? No, just no. Have you talked to them for a good bit and established there is a chemistry there? Different story. If you can't tell the difference between those two? Well, that's pretty bad.


But hey, if you want to randomly ask for numbers, go right ahead. Her friends will here stories about the odd dude they ran into.


And hey, if you thinking hitting on a woman at an abuse shelter is ok, well, yeah. And yes, I have had friends had that happen more than once.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AfellowPerson View Post
I'm referring to making peace with the world of hostility that men invariably contribute to when they take their chances "just in case" she might be interested in him.

Besides that, I wasn't talking about women having "interest" in me anyway. I'm referring to casual interactions here, regarding the shared-interest group activity, and maybe even some small talk. My observation is that it's men and married women who interact with me. Your response here seems to imply that the single women would only talk to me if they have interest in me? Isn't that a common misconception among men, that if a women is friendly, she is interested?
Good god, no, nothing about what I said implied that at all. You are just reading into things what you want to hear. You're scrounging for confirmation bias.


Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
I have never agreed with the sentiment that if she is interested, you will know.
Of course, I never said if she is interested she you will know. I said something distinctly different. And of course, people can always find exceptions to everything.

Last edited by timberline742; 10-30-2019 at 05:59 AM..
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:01 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 2,023,826 times
Reputation: 2768
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Please wake up. It's inappropriate if you're hitting on them in these places out of the blue, if they're just being courteous to you or you haven't established any chemistry. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DAMN OBVIOUS. I mean, seriously, if I'm going to go to a grocery store and talk to someone for 5 seconds about how bad the avocados are and then ask them out? No, just no. Have you talked to them for a good bit and established there is a chemistry there? Different story. If you can't tell the difference between those two? Well, that's pretty bad.
Reading....


Quote:
But hey, if you want to randomly ask for numbers, go right ahead. Her friends will here stories about the odd dude they ran into.
Reading...


Quote:
And hey, if you thinking hitting on a woman at an abuse shelter is ok, well, yeah. And yes, I have had friends had that happen more than once.
Reading...nails on the chalk board...what... in the ever living F?!?!

I was going to address other parts of your response, but then I saw this abhorrent attempt at drama and hyperbole or red herring here in the bolded. Your attempt at demonizing me has failed, as most here could probably see through your attempt at doing so.

You know what's amazing, that you would use an abuse shelter as an example among all other volunteer opportunities as such an example...and somehow saw it that I would hit on a woman there. I mean...really? Nice try though.

You could have picked picking up litter, trail clean up, some environmental project, and other numerous types of volunteer events or groups. But no, you picked a woman's abuse shelter. VERY oddly specific. Quite the hyperbolic way to go.
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:07 AM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,157,398 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Please wake up. It's inappropriate if you're hitting on them in these places out of the blue, if they're just being courteous to you or you haven't established any chemistry. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN DAMN OBVIOUS. I mean, seriously, if I'm going to go to a grocery store and talk to someone for 5 seconds about how bad the avocados are and then ask them out? No, just no. Have you talked to them for a good bit and established there is a chemistry there? Different story. If you can't tell the difference between those two? Well, that's pretty bad.

... snip


Of course, I never said if she is interested she you will know. I said something distinctly different. And of course, people can always find exceptions to everything.
Yah. This seems pretty obvious to me. And really. The fact that this is confusing does make me think that this poster shares the common misconception that women are not actual PEOPLE. Just something to obtain.
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:08 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post

Reading...nails on the chalk board...what... in the ever living F?!?!

I was going to address other parts of your response, but then I saw this abhorrent attempt at drama and hyperbole here in the bolded. Your attempt at demonizing me has failed, as most here could probably see through your attempt at doing so.

You know what's amazing, that you would use an abuse shelter as an example among all other volunteer opportunities as such an example...and somehow saw it that I would hit on a woman there. I mean...really? Nice try though.

You could have picked picking up litter, trail clean up, some environmental project, and other numerous types of volunteer events or groups. But no, you picked a woman's abuse shelter. VERY oddly specific. Quite the hyperbolic way to go.




Hey, these are your words:


Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
I can only think of those that you listed that dentist chair would likely be the only inappropriate place to hit on a woman, oh, and hanging outside the woman's bathroom. lol
This list you referred to:


Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
2) There is no such thing as a "non dating environment". Women (again, not all, but many) find that work, gym, school, church, in the dentist chair, shopping market, working in the garden, volunteering at an abuse shelter, running down the street, are all places that men will try to hit on them so they don't view it as "dating" vs "non dating" spaces... they can't relax about it like we can.


Therefore, you stated hitting on someone volunteering at an abuse center didn't seem inappropriate.


Own your words.


And I specifically chose that example, in my list, because I know women who have been hit on by guys while working in women's abuse shelters. No hyperbole. No exaggeration. Apparently, there are other guys, like you, that don't see it is a inappropriate. Newsflash, it is.


Now, if you just missed that in the list, you are free to apologize for your oversight.
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:31 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfellowPerson View Post
I'm pleasantly surprised to read your words. Not only do I know these things, but they were part of my awakening over twenty years ago to the world of hostility that women face. This knowledge has shaped my beliefs and behaviors for almost twenty-five years. I believe there is a vicious cycle of men taking their chances "just in case" women might be interested, which causes many women to put up defenses against inevitable advances from men.

I posted about this in May. My basic theory is that I don't believe it's okay to "take my chances," when women are the ones who pay the price for those unwanted advances. (I go into greater detail in that post.) The overwhelming response to that post was negative. Overall, people seem to think that I have a fear of rejection, or that there is something wrong with me. Or that I'm lying.

So, rather than argue with everybody, I'm trying to respond as thoughtfully as possible, taking their point of view seriously. Some people have suggested that a shared-interest environment might be more suitable for my personality; one in which women might feel more comfortable interacting with me. So, this is why I'm mentioning the experiences I've had while volunteering.

However, your post seems to indicate that this is just "how it is." If that's the case, then I guess my question would be: how does anyone make their peace with this?
I wouldn't say it is the men "taking their chances just in case a woman is interested" that gets their defenses up. If you are interested in a woman, there is nothing wrong with asking to get to know her better. The real issue is the men who can't handle rejection well who proceed in calling them names, and in some cases getting aggressive and violent. Trying to change a person's mind", or making a woman pay for saying no.

Then there are men who harass and treat women in ways that are unacceptable at best. They are just horrid. But a lot of women in my area would be okay with me asking them out.

If men gracefully took no as an answer and kept it moving, then asking a woman out wouldn't have been as big of a deal as it is.

It's funny you mention that thread because I reminded of that thread about this and even women were like WTF?! One post that stuck out to me was a post saying that women are not melting down and seeking therapy because they had to reject someone.

I also remember a thread in another forum about asking women out in the gym and I myself was against it in the beginning. But I read post from women that seemed to be okay with it. In the end, I was like okay, then. But I did post that I am not talking to women wearing JLAB headphones, those are sacred.
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:35 AM
 
9,301 posts, read 8,323,898 times
Reputation: 7328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Marcinkiewicz View Post
Learn to be a solo lifelong drinking introvert. Read some Charles Bukowski and be inspired by that prematurely curmudgeonly misanthrope always having female companionship. I say this half-jokingly. But yeah people in general are not really worth the hassle in my opinion. The people here pressuring you to adopt strategy X or unwanted set of behaviors Y can be dismissed because they're fundamentally different personalities. Such is the nature of an anonymous (though I use my real name, heh) mass forum. Learn to enjoy your own company, care less about the opinions of others, and whatever serendipity which may or may not ensue can be treated as an unexpected bonus. That's my advice, however wanted or not it may be. The implications of 'you're doing something wrong' really annoy me on this site--I if nothing else just want to encourage you to be an individual and to essentially say 'f*ck what anyone else thinks', whatever the gender of that anyone. Suddenly your 'sad' reclusiveness just might take on a romantic quality to it, if only in your own mind, which is all that really matters, anyway.
I cosign this.

Learn to be happy by yourself.
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Old 10-30-2019, 08:44 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 2,023,826 times
Reputation: 2768
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Hey, these are your words:




This list you referred to:






Therefore, you stated hitting on someone volunteering at an abuse center didn't seem inappropriate.


Own your words.


And I specifically chose that example, in my list, because I know women who have been hit on by guys while working in women's abuse shelters. No hyperbole. No exaggeration. Apparently, there are other guys, like you, that don't see it is a inappropriate. Newsflash, it is.


Now, if you just missed that in the list, you are free to apologize for your oversight.
I do apologize, I did miss that on the list. With so many pages to cover, it's easy to get it lost in the shuffle.
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Old 10-30-2019, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Go after what you want bro. Tons of my relationships started off as cold approaches or even if we met through friends we exchanged numbers and went on a date after the first meeting or two..

All this get to know women and over months and months maybe one of them will become attracted to you is bs that’s the perfect way to get in the friend zone. Sparks and chemistry happen pretty early on..

These people are giving you horrible advice..
He doesn't WANT to go after anyone. That's the whole point of this thread.
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Old 10-30-2019, 09:21 AM
 
35,521 posts, read 17,818,962 times
Reputation: 50529
The best places to meet women with relationship potential are through your friends.

Your sister's roommate, a bridesmaid at a wedding where you are a groomsman, a woman who regularly attends parties you also attend.

Trying to meet people through volunteering or at church, isn't as successful.

Of course, there's always On Line Dating. Have you tried that? (forgive me if I missed it)
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Old 10-30-2019, 09:24 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greg78 View Post
Go after what you want bro. Tons of my relationships started off as cold approaches or even if we met through friends we exchanged numbers and went on a date after the first meeting or two..


I didn't see anyone say you can't make a date or exchange numbers after meeting once. Happens all the time. It seems like you're not actually reading the advice in this thread.


If anything, I'd advise people not to wait. There were several times in my 20s I met someone at a show and there was chemistry, hesitated, and just said... oh, small town, I'll run into them again at another show and never did. Those were lost opportunities.
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