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i mean exclusive in this case simply means only "date" each other which i think is fine. you are not in a committed boyfriend/girlfriend situation yet right?
Maybe I'm out of touch, but when I date, exclusivity just kind of happens. It's understood when you start spending a lot of time together, and weekends, free, time, etc. I've never had the exclusivity conversation. Never.
i mean exclusive in this case simply means only "date" each other which i think is fine. you are not in a committed boyfriend/girlfriend situation yet right?
Funny you mention that, because I feel this means different things to different people. Honestly I'm not seeing anyone else and nor do I plan to while seeing him so if that's what he meant fine, but I think he also wanted us to suspend our dating profiles, which to me is a bigger step. He also said he would like to see me more often, which is seems a bit premature and difficult because we don't live that close to each other.
There are no "rules" per se. I think 3 times is a decent number of times to meetup. You guys were and chose to do it all in a week. Some people can only meet once a week or less.
If you don't want to go that fast, you tell him that you want to feel it out for a longer period of time- maybe a few months at least. Let him know that directly. If he pushes you after that, then I'd be concerned. He might also have other options but likes you more. Part of developing a quality relationship is quality, open, reciprocative communication rather than "rules."
Maybe I'm out of touch, but when I date, exclusivity just kind of happens. It's understood when you start spending a lot of time together, and weekends, free, time, etc. I've never had the exclusivity conversation. Never.
You know...I never did either. Seems like, it was just understood. If I'm seeing someone every weekend, prime time dating, and maybe once or twice during the week, I'm going to assume we're exclusively dating.
But I haven't dated in ages. I've been married for 17 years.
I don't think that there is a rule for what is too soon or not, other than "when both people feel genuinely ready" to take whatever step there is to take.
It sounds like you are not feeling this with 100% authenticity. What I do recommend against is agreeing to things when your instincts tell you "this feels like too soon for me." Don't go along just to get along, you know?
But that doesn't mean you tell him that you aren't ready for this step, full out, as he'll assume you're saying you fully intend to keep dating other people. You can put like...a probationary period in there or something. Be creative, things don't have to be black & white as long as you communicate. Like you can tell him, "OK I will suspend my dating profile and not talk to others on the app and not go on other dates or anything, for two weeks, and then I want to check in and have a talk about whether we're both happy and on the same page." Like you should be checking in with each other and not assuming things anyways, but saying it that way makes it clear that you aren't ready to sign your life away to Mr. I've Known You A Week...but you can put everything else on pause for a minute and see how it goes with him. If it goes well, the pause can be extended. It could BECOME permanent.
I feel like exclusivity isn't necessarily what makes you uncomfortable right now, that rather, it is the idea of premature commitment. No one wants to feel pressured into promises they aren't ready to keep, especially not potentially hidden and unspoken ones. So make sure that's not happening, by communicating as clearly as you can.
He shouldn't be bringing the topic up. Possible red flag.
It's up to her to to decide that he is RIGHT man for her. As a casual dating partner, or for more. She makes that decision. That takes time for her to know him. He must earn her trust and respect over time. She must trust that he leads the relationship forward, at her pace, and he is in tune with her feelings at all times about how things are progressing FOR HER.
When a man is leading a relationship properly, she feels she can open up to him with her deepest feelings. That takes time to happen.
Already you have to analyze his action. With what I said above, it's YOUR responsibility to tell him your feelings on how you feel about how things are happening, what's proposed, etc.
When a woman decides he is the right man for her, and he has shown that to her by who he is, she will want to be exclusive and will make strong hints or even ask outright.
Think of this, if you had said no, then for him to have integrity (says what he means) he would have to end it right there. In a way, he was testing you. Will you do what he asks?
But that doesn't mean you tell him that you aren't ready for this step, full out, as he'll assume you're saying you fully intend to keep dating other people. You can put like...a probationary period in there or something. Be creative, things don't have to be black & white as long as you communicate. Like you can tell him, "OK I will suspend my dating profile and not talk to others on the app and not go on other dates or anything, for two weeks, and then I want to check in and have a talk about whether we're both happy and on the same page." Like you should be checking in with each other and not assuming things anyways, but saying it that way makes it clear that you aren't ready to sign your life away to Mr. I've Known You A Week...but you can put everything else on pause for a minute and see how it goes with him. If it goes well, the pause can be extended. It could BECOME permanent.
To me, this type of communication is straight out of junior high school. The concept is solid, but I feel this stuff should be understood/assumed as it's nothing more than common sense.
To me, this type of communication is straight out of junior high school. The concept is solid, but I feel this stuff should be understood/assumed as it's nothing more than common sense.
I feel like most people feel the way you do, and I wish they did not. I don't like assumption, and prefer clear communication. Because we've encountered no freaking end of couples where one person assumed that a rule existed, the other one broke it because they never agreed to it in the first place, and then the first one got all bent about it when they had no right.
And I also prefer for individuals to have more freedom to structure their relationships in ways that work for them, and at a pace that works for them. I hate the whole "well this is normal, it's the way it's done" mentality. In order for people to be free to live in a genuine way, we cannot have a partner imposing unspoken and hidden expectations on us. And not communicating your expectations is a damn good way to set yourself up to be disappointed when they are not met.
I mean seriously, "common sense?" Common sense says what? Boy meets girl, they go on a few dates, get to first, second, third base, go steady, get engaged, get married, have 2 kids, buy a house in the burbs, settle into a lifestyle of paunchy middle age, PTA meetings, and twice monthly missionary sex? Like what is common sense exactly in terms of what people need and want in relationships? What if you ASSUME that you are a regular Joe with regular old common sense expectations, and you ASSUME you've met yourself a regular Jane with regular old common sense expectations, and you don't bother to communicate and you later find out that her expectations and what she wants in life are something completely different? Then what? You get mad that she tricked you, judge her, talk a bunch of crap while flouncing off into the sunset?
You can't be mad at people who don't play the game by your rules if you never bother to even talk about what those rules look like. There is no one way that everybody does dating, courtship, love, or relationships. We're all making it up as we go. And it's egotistical as hell to just figure that what is right for you is the de facto normal program that a partner will get with, and if they don't mind-read that and do so, they're in the wrong.
To me, this type of communication is straight out of junior high school. The concept is solid, but I feel this stuff should be understood/assumed as it's nothing more than common sense.
“Will you go steady with me?” Whatever the hell that meant in 7th grade.
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