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After a while, I had him help with bills because I was working part time and going to college full time. I realized that the extra money I thought he would have from not paying rent, was gone and he was asking me for money because he would go negative. I was making more money after I got a better part time job, so I stopped asking him for help because I would only have to give it back to him later, but kept telling him he needed to get his finances in check. At the beginning of this year, his registration came due for his truck, and there was no way he was going to pass with his ball tires. I told him that I would pay for his back tires out of my scholarship funds, but he had to pay me back as soon as he could. He agreed and he got his tires and registration done.
After a few more months, he still had not paid me back, still not helping with bills or groceries, and was still asking for money. Of course this made me upset, and I was talking to my parents about it. Not really thinking of what the consequences were. I’ve always been open to my parents with my troubles, even small ones. When I told my dad, he got very angry I gave Joe money out of my scholarship funds. I calmed him down and told him that Joe would pay me back, but it’s just gone down hill ever since.
My dad started to get mad at Joe when he would be outside doing yard work and Joe would be inside playing video games. Now my dad isn’t one to ask for help, you just have to know that you need to do something or need to ask what he needs done. I grew up with that, but Joe doesn’t understand it and got pissed when I told him that’s the way it is. I kept reminding him that we live RENT FREE on my dads place, but Joe still doesn’t want to help.
So now, my parents, my sisters, and my uncle are all pissed at Joe because he hasn’t paid me back the money for his tires, doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t help with bills, and that I’m caring for Joe financially rather than the other way around because he won’t get off his computer to have the ambition to get a better job. A couple days ago, Joe talked to his parents about that whole situation and they agree with Joe.
I know I shouldn’t have talked to my parents, but how was I supposed to tell Joe to start helping me or pay me back when he kept asking for money several times a month when he went negative.
Joe said that he’ll start giving me money every month now for bills, but I don’t know if I can rely on him actually following through with it or that he won’t ask me for more money. His parents now don’t like my family for not liking Joe because of the whole situation. Joe did pay me back finally for the tire this week, but now owes his parents the money. Joe is very upset about the situation, but I told him that it would have been better if he had just started paying me back instead of asking me for money. He’s just not understanding.
Am I wrong? I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?
That's a very long post, that omits key info, like: what did he say he was doing with the money he saved from not paying rent? Where's his money going? It must be going somewhere.
Why are you with this guy? Why are you still with this guy, after he's shown you his true colors?
I'm sorry but your fiance sounds like a lazy irresponsible freeloader. I think being disliked by his family is the least of your problems. How are you benefiting being with this guy again? Because if you're going to be married in the future, you're going to need more than just the "love" you have for one another. The harsh truth is, living costs money. Marriage is a partnership, meaning you're going to have to be able to help one another in EVERY aspect of life. You guys don't sound anywhere NEAR ready for that. You say you're in school and working. Is he in school? Does he work full time? Do you know where his "extra" money is going if he's not paying any bills? And I'm not going to lie, you're kind of setting yourself up to get used. Because based on what you said/his actions, he moved in with you and your parents to transfer the financial burden from himself to you. Also, it would also be wise to stop telling everyone your relationship issues. That way there's no drama with everyone else.
You are helping other people with your dad's resources and your boyfriend is abusing the opportunity.
Typical adolescent behavior.
If he loved you he would be going out of his way to be fully transparent to you and accountable for his debt to your family.
After a while, I had him help with bills because I was working part time and going to college full time. I realized that the extra money I thought he would have from not paying rent, was gone and he was asking me for money because he would go negative. I was making more money after I got a better part time job, so I stopped asking him for help because I would only have to give it back to him later, but kept telling him he needed to get his finances in check. At the beginning of this year, his registration came due for his truck, and there was no way he was going to pass with his ball tires. I told him that I would pay for his back tires out of my scholarship funds, but he had to pay me back as soon as he could. He agreed and he got his tires and registration done.
After a few more months, he still had not paid me back, still not helping with bills or groceries, and was still asking for money. Of course this made me upset, and I was talking to my parents about it. Not really thinking of what the consequences were. I’ve always been open to my parents with my troubles, even small ones. When I told my dad, he got very angry I gave Joe money out of my scholarship funds. I calmed him down and told him that Joe would pay me back, but it’s just gone down hill ever since.
My dad started to get mad at Joe when he would be outside doing yard work and Joe would be inside playing video games. Now my dad isn’t one to ask for help, you just have to know that you need to do something or need to ask what he needs done. I grew up with that, but Joe doesn’t understand it and got pissed when I told him that’s the way it is. I kept reminding him that we live RENT FREE on my dads place, but Joe still doesn’t want to help.
So now, my parents, my sisters, and my uncle are all pissed at Joe because he hasn’t paid me back the money for his tires, doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t help with bills, and that I’m caring for Joe financially rather than the other way around because he won’t get off his computer to have the ambition to get a better job. A couple days ago, Joe talked to his parents about that whole situation and they agree with Joe.
I know I shouldn’t have talked to my parents, but how was I supposed to tell Joe to start helping me or pay me back when he kept asking for money several times a month when he went negative.
Joe said that he’ll start giving me money every month now for bills, but I don’t know if I can rely on him actually following through with it or that he won’t ask me for more money. His parents now don’t like my family for not liking Joe because of the whole situation. Joe did pay me back finally for the tire this week, but now owes his parents the money. Joe is very upset about the situation, but I told him that it would have been better if he had just started paying me back instead of asking me for money. He’s just not understanding.
Am I wrong? I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?
Mod cut.
Yes, dump Joe. He's a lazy freeloader. Just because his parents agreed with whatever convoluted sob story he offered up doesn't make him right. And you'd be a fool to continue with the relationship.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 09-26-2019 at 02:19 PM..
Reason: Off-topic comment.
After a while, I had him help with bills because I was working part time and going to college full time. I realized that the extra money I thought he would have from not paying rent, was gone and he was asking me for money because he would go negative. I was making more money after I got a better part time job, so I stopped asking him for help because I would only have to give it back to him later, but kept telling him he needed to get his finances in check. At the beginning of this year, his registration came due for his truck, and there was no way he was going to pass with his ball tires. I told him that I would pay for his back tires out of my scholarship funds, but he had to pay me back as soon as he could. He agreed and he got his tires and registration done.
After a few more months, he still had not paid me back, still not helping with bills or groceries, and was still asking for money. Of course this made me upset, and I was talking to my parents about it. Not really thinking of what the consequences were. I’ve always been open to my parents with my troubles, even small ones. When I told my dad, he got very angry I gave Joe money out of my scholarship funds. I calmed him down and told him that Joe would pay me back, but it’s just gone down hill ever since.
My dad started to get mad at Joe when he would be outside doing yard work and Joe would be inside playing video games. Now my dad isn’t one to ask for help, you just have to know that you need to do something or need to ask what he needs done. I grew up with that, but Joe doesn’t understand it and got pissed when I told him that’s the way it is. I kept reminding him that we live RENT FREE on my dads place, but Joe still doesn’t want to help.
So now, my parents, my sisters, and my uncle are all pissed at Joe because he hasn’t paid me back the money for his tires, doesn’t help around the house, doesn’t help with bills, and that I’m caring for Joe financially rather than the other way around because he won’t get off his computer to have the ambition to get a better job. A couple days ago, Joe talked to his parents about that whole situation and they agree with Joe.
I know I shouldn’t have talked to my parents, but how was I supposed to tell Joe to start helping me or pay me back when he kept asking for money several times a month when he went negative.
Joe said that he’ll start giving me money every month now for bills, but I don’t know if I can rely on him actually following through with it or that he won’t ask me for more money. His parents now don’t like my family for not liking Joe because of the whole situation. Joe did pay me back finally for the tire this week, but now owes his parents the money. Joe is very upset about the situation, but I told him that it would have been better if he had just started paying me back instead of asking me for money. He’s just not understanding.
Am I wrong? I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?
It's funny (not hilarious, but interesting) how people can't see the obvious at times. Can't see the forest for the trees. I will just ask you...do you LIKE taking care of Joe? Do you LIKE being stuck between 2 families?
Everyone can get down on their luck, and it's no shame to need help sometimes. But your BF doesn't make an effort to help. Instead, he pouts, and he puts you and your family on the defense.
After a while, I had him help with bills because I was working part time and going to college full time. I realized that the extra money I thought he would have from not paying rent, was gone and he was asking me for money because he would go negative. I was making more money after I got a better part time job, so I stopped asking him for help because I would only have to give it back to him later, but kept telling him he needed to get his finances in check. At the beginning of this year, his registration came due for his truck, and there was no way he was going to pass with his ball tires. I told him that I would pay for his back tires out of my scholarship funds, but he had to pay me back as soon as he could. He agreed and he got his tires and registration done.
After a few more months, he still had not paid me back, still not helping with bills or groceries, and was still asking for money.
You're engaged to this guy? This is what your marriage is going to be like. You want to live like this forever?
He sounds extremely lazy and irresponsible to me, and chances are VERY good that he will never improve. Better to do it now rather than get married and have a kid or two.
Btw, none of this is your fault except for choosing to have a relationship with such a loser. All of this is JOE'S fault!
Last edited by katharsis; 09-26-2019 at 03:23 PM..
What you need to do is break up with Joe.He's a lazy ungrateful sorry excuse for a man.The fact that AFTER you guys moved in onto your parent's property he STILL doesn't have any money left and is asking YOU for money is a problem.What does he do with his money?? Also the fact that Joe's parents doesn't see anything wrong with their son's behavior...well THERE is the reason he's like the way he is...a moocher.Get rid of him!
He sounds extremely lazy and irresponsible to me, and chances are VERY good that he will never improve. Better to do it now rather than get married and have a kid or two.
Btw, none of this is your fault except for choosing to have a relationship with such a loser. All of this is JOE'S fault!
Quote:
Originally Posted by codergirl
What you need to do is break up with Joe.He's a lazy ungrateful sorry excuse for a man.The fact that AFTER you guys moved in onto your parent's property he STILL doesn't have any money left and is asking YOU for money is a problem.What does he do with his money?? Also the fact that Joe's parents doesn't see anything wrong with their son's behavior...well THERE is the reason he's like the way he is...a moocher.Get rid of him!
ditto from me, abd adding: why do you want to be with a lazy, dishonest looser? You can do better.
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