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Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 24 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,359,241 times
Reputation: 5382
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I was in a relationship with a guy on and off for over 3yrs. then officially called it quits several months ago. And no, I don't want him back. EVER. While he appeared to be quite book smart and gone onto college earning 2 degrees, he's probably one of the most socially inept people I've met in my life. I actually feel a bit sorry for him bc he's likely to be one of those people who die alone without anyone noticing right away unless he's still working.
After our break-up, he asked if "we could still be friends" I was like, no bc then our mutual friends will think we're dating again which always happened during the course of our on and off relationship. He wanted his cake and eat it too. And I had to tell him relationships don't work that way. After being intimate with someone, it's hard to go back just being close friends.
We broke up because of his narrow-minded, rigid views towards sex and marriage but he had no qualms about filthy talk and looking at porn. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. He's almost 50 and acts like premarital sex is one of the worst deeds a "faithful Christian" can do, I asked him, what's the difference between the sins, and he couldn't or wouldn't give me an answer.
While we did do some stuff in the bedroom (just not all the way), he try hiding it from everyone else especially from our Christian friends at Church. It just made me feel cheap and our relationship didn't feel authentic. Idk how to put it in words. It just left me with a crappy feeling that he could never take our relationship seriously. For example, we were invited by a Church friend to a weekend Christian conference out of State, he absolutely refused for us to share the same room. I was like, wtf. It would of been a great opportunity for us to spend time together and he blew it because of his hangups and he even asked if our Christian friend would allow us to be in the same room.
I was like, seriously, if we have to sneak around like we're in high school then I'm out. And so, it's been that way since. Although, it sucks, I know I'm stronger and refuse to be in a relationship with a guy who makes me feel cheap and used.
We broke up because of his narrow-minded, rigid views towards sex and marriage but he had no qualms about filthy talk and looking at porn. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. He's almost 50 and acts like premarital sex is one of the worst deeds a "faithful Christian" can do, I asked him, what's the difference between the sins, and he couldn't or wouldn't give me an answer.
While we did do some stuff in the bedroom (just not all the way), he try hiding it from everyone else especially from our Christian friends at Church. It just made me feel cheap and our relationship didn't feel authentic. I.
Men (and probably women too) like this are a dime a dozen in the bible belt region that I live in. Saving themselves for marriage, they are "pure", everyone else who has pre-marital sex is "dirty' and "defiled" and some won't even date or marry a non-virgin, either. They believe pre-marital sex is the worst one of all the sins. They mistakenly believe their purity somehow makes them more valuable in the marriage market. Surprised you made it 3 years with this person, I couldn't make it six months with the one I dated. He was 28, I was 25. I had had several partners in the past, he'd never had sex at all. He believed that if he saved himself for marriage, God would bring him a wonderful woman and he would go on to have a great marriage. We would make out on his couch an if I touched his back or neck, which I thought were safe places , he'd get upset and say it turned him on too much, to stop. He accused me of being a temptress. When he found out I wore a beige bra, he said he hated beige lingerie. His mother wore beige lingerie and he hated his mother. I found out years later he finally got married, in his 40s. I'm betting the woman was a virgin too and she cannot possibly be a normal, mentally healthy person. I've heard that both of them are almost like recluses. I'm really glad I didn't wind up with him because I would have been forced to attend church services three times a week and that wasn't the kind of life that I wanted anyway.
Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 09-26-2019 at 09:00 PM..
She had a “Christian” fifty year old boyfriend who watched porn but didn’t want to go all the way in the bedroom. He would not share a room in fear of what others thought. OP dumped him. She’s not in high school.
Ohh why stop at "once", I dated crazy twice! I think I figured, surely what are the odds I could date two in the same decade! Yet I did! Will say this, made me say WHAT WASN'T I "THINKING, to have dated 'em! Answer: wasn't thinking straight...thats for sure!
I dated a guy who had a real thing about demons and possession, who sold their souls, etc.
Once, he was telling me about his female cousin, who was being tormented by demons. How they would pinch her, scratch her, etc. Later, he told me how she had volunteered to babysit my kids when he and I would go out. I reminded him that I had my parents, but I was thinking "Oh hell no. Anyone who's convinced they're being tormented by demons is NOT going to watch my kids."
Another time, we were sitting in the car, hanging out, and he had story after story about demons doing this and that in people's lives. People he knew. (In case you didn't know, David Lee Roth made a deal with the devil.)
There was other weird stuff too...but after THAT date, I got serious about breaking up with him.
But for real, I saw this thread and thought, "asking me this question opens up a can of worms that NOBODY has time for. I could write actual books on the subject." What is even meant by "weird" exactly?
Speaking of worms, there was the one I call the Worm King, a joke based on the fact that he had a worm farm in his basement for composting for his garden. He also had a mannequin in his living room that he named Shae and told me he was in love with. He joked about killing me and told me he had rape fantasies, but I believe to this day that he was just trying desperately to provoke a bit of fear from me and was failing to get the response he wanted. One reason I think this is that I would talk about the ways that unusual desires can be consensually played with as kinks and he said he thought he was "too vanilla" for me. I think he just wants to be perceived as weird and mysterious, far out of proportion to his actual weirdness or mysteriousness. I called his bluff and he didn't like it.
Then there was the analyst (actually his profession, more or less, but it makes a fantastic joke, too) who told me on our first date that he was very into enemas.
I dated a married couple, where truly the wife wanted me to bond with her husband because though she adores him, she has many other partners and is often away from home traveling and dating and so on, so she wants him to have company because he "gets weird when left alone too long"...She also fears she may die young from heart issues, and does not want him to have no love or support if this comes to pass. Those two were the ones who didn't like my picky eating and tried to trick me into eating veggies as though I were a little kid. Honestly I still love them both a lot, though we no longer are in a relationship thing.
I won't even get started on all of the ways in which my present partner is weird, but his weird is a really good fit for mine, so it works.
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